Ignored by NCT friends

[Carrielotte]

I’ve been in an NCT group for 6 years now. We don’t see each other as much now due to our kids being in school. All the other members are very close to each other, often meet up and WhatsApp each other in private conversations but it feels like I’m not wanted in the group. I work full time so don’t have time to meet up in the week.
At NCT get-togethers, I’m often ignored by a few people in the group, with not even a hello or acknowledgment at times, let alone any interest in mine or the kids’ lives. I try to say hello and make conversation and show interest in theirs but get very short answers in return. Yet they manage to chat to each other and have good banter. I’m quite a shy person generally anyway.
Am I being unreasonable by exiting the group as it feels like I’ll never be accepted. Or should I stay put for the kids’ sake as I feel I would be putting my kids at a disadvantage by leaving as they often enjoy the NCT kids events, and should I just continue putting up with this as I have done so for the past 6 years?

I do try, but get nothing back. Like I’d say ‘how was Christmas, how’s work etc?, they would say ‘fine’ and then that’s all. Conversation stops dead. It’s only a few of the women who are like that. The ones with kids in my kid’s school are quite chatty to me, but because they are all very close to each other, it makes it awkward.

I was in two. First one, London, fab. Then we moved..... second one just cliquey. Mums groups based around kids / school were never the place I found friends - all we had in common was the fact our kids were the same age..... and then you get to the stage where the mums you are reasonably friendly with have children that your DC can't stand, and you are not that keen on the parents of your DCs best friends.....

Keep relationships around children and other parents "light touch" would be my advice. Find friends outside of that. Mine all came through work, and now hobbies.

@Antsinmypantsneedtodance i am in exact the same situ right now and found this thread because I don’t know whether to call them out before leaving or just disappear. It isn’t all of them but a clique has formed amongst 3 or 4 of the women who I thought I would have the most in common with. I feel so excluded and the last few months I’ve felt anxious and paranoid that this was going on until I found out for definite this weekend. I’m spending a couple days cooling off before I decide.

From experience as nice as the idea of calling them out sounds. Depending on the area there's a good chance you'll bump into them again, baby groups, nurseries, birthday parties. Unfortunately DD ended up at a nursery where one of the NCT kids also ended up going. So we've had birthday parties with them and realised we have mutual new friends in common. Its been easier just being polite than if i'd have called them out i think.

That’s a really good point, and even if we don’t cross paths it’s a small world and you’re only 6 degrees of separation away. Hmm… sorry did you exit yours or just gone silent?

My NCT group were decent enough...until I...dare I say it...separated.
They had no time for single parents.

OP, if you don’t enjoy the get togethers, don’t go, obviously. Why have you ‘put up with’ something you don’t enjoy for six years? Your child was a baby and incapable of enjoying the events initially, so that can’t have been your original reason. But I don’t see that there are any grounds for flouncing off or feeling wronged — you got together in the first place because of having babies at the same time, rather than out of any organic friendship, and you drifted away somewhat because of your circumstances. Some people show no interest in you because they have none, and that’s ok. (I didn’t like the peoole in my NCT group and stopped attending any get-togethers within a couple of months.) Spend time with peoole whom you do like.