to live in a bit of a bubble?

[crystaltips77]

I am mid 40's and live in a nice area on the outskirts of a small town with quite a lot of social deprivation. DH and I both earn good money and have no financial worries. I work from home as I am freelance and Dh does hybrid working. If I am going out I either drive, take the train or walk. If I get the train I either have done a park and ride or DH will pick me up. If I am walking about I am a brisk walker and usually have my headphones on. When we see family or friends we drive to similarly nice areas go into peoples homes to socialise then leave. If we go out its usually to similarly nice places. Our weekly food shopping is delivered and I've never much liked shopping so do most of my shopping for everything online. We have a membership to a nice private gym we drive to and use three times a week.

I only go into our local town about once a month to collect prescriptions and change my library books and its only really there that I see the deprivation of the area so people with obvious difficulties, addiction issues and so on. I was in yesterday and witnessed some teenage boys causing a scene and deliberately trying to terrorise people by smashing bottles next to them, the police were called by library staff but never showed up. I had walked down but called my husband to collect me after I was finished in the library rather than walk home, I could here them still smashing bottles and screaming as I got into the car!

I did grow up very poor in the 80's, we lived on an awful housing scheme and my Dad was in and out of work (due to poor health) while my mum worked variously as a waitress and cleaner trying to make ends meet and the local community had lots of issues and residents with problems like addiction and so on and I witnessed some pretty awful things when young and obviously when you are a young person you are out and about, living in flat shares in not so nice areas but as you get older and become more settled that you do end up in a bit of a bubble, perhaps everyone does, some nicer that others.

I read the news and as I said I have quite a different background to the life I have now. Is it really so bad to live in a bubble?

I think it's fine to live in your bubble as long as you acknowledge that not everyone is in the same bubble. I know exactly what you mean though. It can be a shock sometimes when you see how different life can be.

Agreed. We live in a similar bubble, but awareness of your relative privilege is important.

I think your town sounds extreme so don’t blame you- if you are in our town there’s obvious poverty but we’re all kind of in it together and people try to help and there’s teenagers that mess about etc and you roll your eyes or tell some (not all) to slow down or you just say hi to remind them THEYRE not in a bubble (!) but none breaking bottles or anything, people would be hurrying away if there was

What difference to anyone would it make if you went into the town centre more often?

I live in a very mixed area close to a city centre (next door neighbours on one side are both surgeons, on the other about 20 Deliveroo riders who must sleep in shifts, because it’s only a three-bed) and DS goes to primary school next to a park regularly used by dealers, close to a women’s refuge. Other than meaning he’s aware of poverty, addiction and domestic violence, I don’t think it’s helps anyone, though his school fundraisers for the refuge . I litterpick and am doing pre-vetting for training to be a Samaritan, but I’d be doing that regardless of where I lived.

I am not sure it would make any difference. I suppose if it were "nicer" then I might be tempted down more often, spend more money there and if others like me who had money did that then it might bring more money into the local area and improve it as a whole?

My post is more about the fact that I think we do all tend to live in our own bubbles especially as we get older and more settled and that those of us with money probably do use it to insulate ourselves to some degree i.e. we have the choice to get in the car and go to a much nicer part of our nearest city if we need to shop or want to go for lunch or to the cinema as opposed to having to use the local town centre for everything.

@stayathomer I'd honestly think I'd be reluctant to engage with a lot of the badly behaved kids here, even the police don't want to do it! It is sad though as I can't imagine the kids can be very happy themselves to be behaving like that. Everything that used to be here for them is now closed due to lack of funding which is in itself a bit of a vicious circle as I said in a previous post, the town is grim so people who can avoid it do so and take their money elsewhere then shops close, the council takes less money in and things get worse.

If the bubble is nicer than being outside it, who could blame anyone for prefering it?

I don't blame anyone for living in a bubble, but I do think it's worth considering if there are ways we can help those who are less lucky e.g. through charitable donations and (most importantly IMO) in how we cast our vote in the next election.

@myphoneisbroken Well I don't forget where I came from and always vote labour however disappointing they can be they aren't as awful as the tories.

@crystaltips77 Couldn't agree more!

I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting to be surrounded by the nicer aspects of life. Obviously not everyone has the choice but you acknowledge that.

I actually don't think you do live in a bubble. You have a nice lifestyle and do nice things, certainly. But you don't come from a privileged background and you're clearly fully aware of, and witness, social deprivation etc. If you were really living in a bubble you'd be oblivious to all this.

The Mumsnetters who live in a bubble are the ones who say things like "Get a cleaner" to people who are struggling to manage a full time job and four kids, as if a cleaner is just something that everyone can easily afford. Or who say 'Book yourself a weekend away in a lovely hotel and just tell your DH he'll have to manage'. Or who cannot comprehend that not everyone can afford a) driving lessons or b) their own car. Once there was a thread started by a woman who was really struggling financially on her own, had cried in the supermarket because she couldn't afford to buy some cheap cakes as a treat for her kids, and who had no idea how she would get to work on Monday because she had no money for petrol and her car was almost out of fuel. One person said 'Why you don't you buy an electric bike for your commute?' - now THAT'S living in a bubble.

@ManateeFair I suppose that is a fair point, I hadn't thought of it like that. I just felt quite privileged yesterday to be able to call my Dh to come and get me when those boys where behaving like that.

I’m the same, I am in my 60s and prefer to live in my nice bubble that I’ve created around me.

The older I get the more important it’s become to stay in my lane I guess where my feathers don’t get ruffled !

I do recognise that I’m lucky, I had a friend who had no choice but to live in a rough town and had to live in accommodation she’d have liked to run a mile from in an ideal world. Neighbours that made her last years hell, her bubble sadly was very stressful.

I felt the same, so now I volunteer and organise charity fundraising to make a difference.

It wasn’t acceptable to me to see the suffering and turn the other way. It really affected me. I don’t think bubbles are useful as they separate you from the community you live in, when everything and everyone is linked even if it doesn’t feel like it directly. Indirectly your life is being impacted to a greater or lesser degree.

Those kids smashing bottles in town are also living in a bubble - probably more so than you - and one that they can't so easily escape.

I think the fact that you're thinking about it shows that you don't live in a bubble in a way that is clueless and oblivious to others' reality.

However in general I think it's awful the way society seems to be getting more segregated and how that makes the "haves" not aware of what the "have nots" live with, and worse, judge them or make things worse (eg. via the ballot box).

I've been lucky to escape the poverty trap by inheriting some money to put down a large deposit on my own property and reduce housing costs massively. I was so excited to live on a street where there were trees instead of mountains of litter, and to not have insanely loud parties going on above me shaking my flat anymore.

People with more money might just about be able to imagine it's difficult budgeting to make ends meet with less, but they would be clueless as to all the rest of it, and not understand the sheer joy of finally having peace. Or a tree. And so they wonder why people don't pull themselves up by the bootstraps when in reality people are using up all their energy living in intolerable circumstances without available routes out (as an example, try concentrating on studying for qualifications whilst the neighbours are having a fight outside the window).

If we had real mixed communities (as I believe council housing was originally envisioned) then things wouldn't be so bad. Antisocial behaviour would be stamped down on because it would be more sparsely spread, and things like nice parks would be local to all. A sort of broken windows theory.

Yes, it does make a difference if you live in a bubble, because it can make it different to see another's point of view, which is bad enough on a 1:1 basis, but a travesty when it affects policy decisions (the UK government is a perfect example of this). It also makes it easier for others to nudge you into an 'us' and 'them' mentality (cue the UK government yet again and the multiple benefits bashing threads we see on here, for example) so that you don't focus on what is actually wrong.

I am not sure what else you could be expected to do in this situation. I don't think it would be wise to engage with rowdy teens. Nothing wrong with getting your Dh to pick you up either; you are hardly dodging tax!

Don't we all want to go to nice areas? I don't get it.

Isn't it more about choices. For example we lived in a horrible town,drugs, violence etc, police chases were the norm past out house,smashed car windows by drunk teens again and again anyway me and hubby saved hard we didn't want to live there anymore 2 years of it was enough and we wanted better for the kids we now have so moved a long way away to a quiet town and love it. Been here 3 years,people still speak to each other, neighbours still look out totally different vibe and safer for our kids

YANBU.

Could have practically written this myself. Less living in a bubble and more wanting to stay in a comfort zone. You're aware of others but not involved, and you're not responsible for their behaviours to be fair. People causing anti-social problems have nothing to do with you and getting involved could even cause you harm. You were correct staying safe :)

I say this as somebody who grew up in a village with a very abusive upbringing. When I moved out I lived on the edge of a town with loads of problems as it was what I could afford. Despite earning very low wages I've always worked, never caused trouble and lived quietly. Whilst some are genuine, personally I find most people who live differently decide to live like that as they can't envisage anything else or have no motivation. When I was neighbourly they took advantage and caused trouble mistaking kindness for weakness.

You've done nothing wrong.

You might live in a bubble OP, but its clearly a transparent one as you're obviously not living in a state of blissful ignorance about the world. You have more awareness and understanding than many of the challenges people face because you've lived them. You've no cause or opportunity to be living them now, so unless you feel by getting out there you could be helping, what's the harm? Sounds like a little survivors guilt maybe?