To expect a private space for private Pilates class?

[pilatespilatespilates]

Hi all, completely prepared to be told I'm BU - not quite sure how this all normally works. I've been doing 1-on-1 pilates classes with an instructor for a few months now. The classes are really expensive, but the privacy is worth it for me as I have body image issues, binge eating disorder and social anxiety. The instructor and I always have the small studio to ourselves and if the privacy wasn't available, to be totally honest my mental health is so bad I wouldn't go.

It's a small business and the owner of the studio has previously said the arrangement is fine, but I have to slot in around the studio schedule. That's fine, I've been really flexible.

However, my original instructor's moved and the new instructor doesn't really "get it". She's said a couple of times things like "you'd be totally fine keeping up in a group class now" "You should book into some group classes over the Christmas break".

She's just let me know there'll be other people in the studio at the same time as our next lesson.

The thought of it is causing me stress. AIBU to expect a private space to exercise in when paying for a private class?

Maybe the arrangement's not working for them anymore and I should find a private provider that teaches from home or something. Or am I throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Send an email..

Dear Xxx,

I have been having private pilates classes at the studio for the past x months. In that time, it has been clear to both my previous instructor and the studio manager that my preference is to have a private session without other people present in the studio. On my side, this has meant that I am required to be flexible around the studio timetable.

I have no wish to change to a group class or to have my sessions at times when there are other people in the studio. If my existing arrangement is not possible, I do not wish to have an alternative provision.

I appreciate that it may not be possible to continue to offer the existing provision and if that is indeed the case, please let me know so that I can look for another option.

It will be a shame if we cannot continue as is, because it is working very well for me, but I must be very clear, I do not wish to exercise in a shared space.

I hope you will confirm whether we can carry on under the existing arrangement or if this is no longer possible, that our classed will no longer continue.

I think a simple conversation or email saying that your booking is for a 1 to 1 with the instructor in a private space with no other people present and ask how/if she can accommodate that.

It doesn't matter what reasons you have - you are the one who is paying so you should be able to get what you want. However perhaps see if you can find a different instructor before burning your bridges with this one!

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No. This isn't on. Perhaps the hire of the studio prices have gone up. She should have made it clear. Just say sorry it doesn't work for me. She is the one in the wrong.

I would respond to the message with "I'm sorry that doesn't work for me as I am sure X explained to you. Can we please rearrange to a time when the studio will be empty as previously agreed"

That was you are not cancelling or letting anyone down as you are asking to rearrange- and asking for your needs to be met. The problem with going ahead is that you will either not manage it (which will be a big set back for you I suspect) or you will get through it and they will decide its fine and you will feel obliged to continue even if you are uncomfortable.

Now that you have the basics you could do pilates at home following a pilates teacher like the girl with a pilates mat ( from youtube), move with Nicole ( youtube) or pilates any time ( a Web page full of pilates videos) .

Or you could book some pilates classes at home. 🙂

Please don’t allow this new instructor to ruin your hobby. Find someone else who will come to your home or do it in a private space. In the meantime practice and do some sessions at home. Part of being a good instructor is understanding what people need help overcoming- this instructor seems to be missing a key component of the job

You're too defensive, which is also clear from how you've phrased your question in the first place. It isn't a matter of what other people including mumsnetters perceive as reasonable. You have an agreement with the studio for a specific set-up to suit your individual needs, which this instructor obviously isn't fully aware of. As other posters suggest, I would send her an email referring to that agreement and canceling the session. I understand that's going to cause you some more anxiety but you'll have to weigh that up into the anxiety caused by the session itself. Good luck!

My mum was a yoga instructor for years she had private sessions in peoples homes for lots of different reasons or they found private function rooms/community centres etc if gym studios weren’t available. Her busiest classes were in the church hall where people felt more comfortable and less judged. Definitely look for an instructor you can click with as I’m not sure you will ever feel comfortable with the lady going forward. Please don’t give up though because even doing private lessons sounds like a big deal for you and you should be really proud of doing it. Good luck.

Do you mean defensive or passive @GrumpyPanda

Yes, I have social anxiety and irrationally panic over people being upset with me or thinking I am weird or difficult. So yes, I am quite passive about things that aren't critical (like a Pilates class), that is the nature of my disorder

@pilatespilatespilates is it Reformer Pilates on one of those big machines, or mat work? If the latter, then I think the suggestion to find an instructor who can work with you at home is a good idea.

The suggestion that you book into group classes sounds more to me as if she's just trying to be encouraging. I used to go to a personal trainer with a private studio (for reasons of self-consciousness and hang-ups) and he often said 'You should come to my free circuit class on Saturday mornings, your fitness level is definitely up to it and it wouldn't cost you anything'. He just didn't really get that I can't/won't exercise in front of strangers, and that this isn't down to fitness concerns but a genuine horror of working out with others. He really did just want to encourage me and boost my confidence.

The issue with other people being in the studio when you have your session sounds as if they have a different understanding of 'private' - by 'private' you mean 'there is nobody else present' but I think they're interpreting as 'one to one instruction' which can take place in any setting. I completely understand your reservations about taking a class with others in the room, so if that's something they're not able to deliver (I'm guessing it's maybe a cost issue for the studio?) then you are absolutely right to look for another instructor who can provide what you need. It's a shame, but it's much better for you to be comfortable.

If you write to her, you can control the message. Maybe the handover wasn't clear, so you're just clarifying the situation for her - and actually doing her a favour, not letting her down. She won't be upset, she just needs someone to be spell it out simply and clearly. You could just say something like:

Dear X,

Happy New Year.
I'd like to clarify that, due to a medical condition, it is not possible under any circumstances for me to exercise with anyone other than an instructor in the room with me (just the two of us). This means

1. I can't do group classes
2. I can't have anyone else ( for example, other instructors or clients) in the same room.

To date, the one to one class has worked for me as it has been just me and the instructor alone in the room.

You said recently that the room will be shared at our next session.

If this is the case, I won't be able to continue with you. I know you were trying to be helpful by suggesting group classes, but as set out above, it is not possible for me to participate in them.

Can you please let me know if the one to one instruction can continue without anyone else in the room? If not, thank you for your time and our sessions to date but I will have to find a new arrangement.

With all best wishes [or whatever]

Since I discovered yoga and pilates on YouTube I haven't been to a class. There are loads of different ones, and I'll pick one according to what I want that day (ten mins, 40 mins, easy, challenging). And they're free!. So I'd recommend that. But as to your question - you are the client. She should accommodate your needs. If she can't, look elsewhere.

I spent a lot of time shopping around for a personal trainer and a Pilates instructor who actually heard and understood when I said that I did not want to exercise in a group or in front of other people. I'm not sure how much time I'd spend plugging away at trying to get her to understand that you're paying for 1:1 because you need private lessons for your mental wellbeing. If she's not hearing it and that's stressing you out, find someone who will hear it.

The instructor just doesnt get the issue - she probably feels you "should battle your hang up by getting out of your comfort zone" rather than appreciating you will not be able to exercise in front of other people.
So really you just need.to tell her clearly but politely (and if thats not possible face to face then by message). She will either be able to accomodate or not.

YANBU just tell them @pilatespilatespilates . I've taught pilates. How would you feel about them coming to your home for a session? Either way, just tell them x No point spending your money on something you won't enjoy. They can reschedule it to when the studio's free.

I think the problem is that the instructor is using 'private' in a different way to you, as in 1:1 instruction, rather than an entirely private space with no one else able to see you. I've used a pilates studio for 1:1 sessions due to some complicated issues with my back, and we've always been sharing the space with at least a small class, and sometimes another 1:1 session. That's fairly standard for fitness studios of all types.

It does sound as though the handover may not have covered all aspects of your specific requirements, but I also suspect changes to the schedule in the new year means it no longer works for the studio to offer sole use of the space. If you're paying the same as anyone else having 1:1 sessions, then I don't think there's much you can do. If there isn't a time when the studio is naturally empty, you can't realistically ask them to turn down other bookings in order to create an entirely private environment. If you're currently paying more for sole use, that's another matter, obviously and you can certainly say that you want what you're paying for, and cancel the session that doesn't comply with the agreement you made. But, going forward, you need to be prepared for them to say that they can no longer offer full privacy for an increased cost - unless you're willing to pay to book out the entire space, which I would imagine would be prohibitively expensive.

They absolutely shouldn't be pushing you to do something you can't do, but equally, they don't have to continue to offer something that isn't financially beneficial to them as a business. Ultimately, if what they have available isn't going to work for you, you need to look at other options, such as an instructor coming to your home, or someone who works entirely alone, so there can't be other classes running simultaneously. I'm sure there'll be someone who can accommodate your needs.

I would feel the same as you op. There are a few 1 on 1 pts where I live, one of them has set up in her garage as home, so you are 100% private. Is there anyone who does this where you live?

In your place, I would find a teacher with a home studio. I've just changed to a gym environment, but my old instructor, who was great, did public classes, but also offered one to one private lessons in her home studio. It sounds like the sort of set up you need.

Yep, get them to come to yours, or theirs if they have a private studio OP.

On the basis that you have always had a private space, and you booked the lessons with this arrangement, then you are not being unreasonable.

As others have said, find a new instructor.

I would expect a one to one to take part in a private space especially as you say you are paying a lot for it. I had a coupe of one to one pilates sessions before joining a class and there was only me and the instructor in the room.
As the new arrangements don't suit you could you find someone else who will provide what you want

Apologies if this is an insensitive response, but OP if you have anxiety about doing an activity in front of other people, surely the answer is not to avoid doing it in front of other people?

Instead, what about doing it just a little in front of others? Start with a short 20 min session. And then a little bit more, and then work up to a whole hour? And then, perhaps eventually, you might find that your anxiety lessens, or even disappears?

Wouldn't that be a much better long-term outcome? If, over the years, I had avoided activities that have been difficult, or made me feel anxious or awkward, I barely would've left the house!

[I appreciate that this approach may not apply in this instance though. In which case, I suppose you need to speak to the teacher and find a more private space.]

It might be different for dance, but private 1-1 ballet lessons always take place in a private room or studio. The price often reflects that cost of the private room, in addition!