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AIBU?

Should I feel guilty about this bday party ?

12 replies

Jigsaw742 · 17/01/2024 05:49

For only inviting dd5 ‘s friends and trying to keep it small - when there’s one old friend of mine , who I am not really close with and dd doesn’t even remember her DD as it’s been so long. But I know she will be expecting an invite and plans to invite Dd to hers as a catch up opportunity but she’s having a big party in a hall . The people pleaser in me is asking that for a very small party with limited space, it’s okay to only invite close friends of Dd that Dd has named herself ?? 

Another question is about cake whilst I’m here pls - should we put our cake budget into the kids cake being bigger and better for them or make it a cheaper cheerful option so that there’s enough for the adults too? We know a few of the adults personally , but not all ! Ideally will give cake to all but at same want a cooler kids cake with bigger portions for them 

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 17/01/2024 05:52

I think childrens parties should be about who the children play with/factual friends not some political parent thing, I also have never seen kids sit still long enough for them to have more than about 2 mouthfuls of cake so cheap and colourful is the best I go

Cake only for invited kids

SparePartz · 17/01/2024 05:53

Fine to invite only close friends of your daughter.
Can you have a kids cake and a plainer cake for adults?

Hairspray123 · 17/01/2024 06:07

Fine to invite close friends, could you do something separate with the mom and child? A playdte of some kind?

duckpancakes · 17/01/2024 06:09

Why are you having 2 cakes?

Mumdiva99 · 17/01/2024 06:13

How small is small? It sounds like you are hiring a hall? That isn't small to me. If you hire a hall would it really hurt to have 1 more person?
I did a few friends at home when my daughter was 5. So no worry about feeding adults as there weren't any. Just 5 friends over for tea and a play.

padmorn · 17/01/2024 06:13

I would invite the other little girl what is the harm in just adding her on op don't make a big deal out of it.

I always recommend the M&S cakes or they do Happy Birthday cake cubes. Always find their cakes to taste fresh and delicious and depending on the design can look great aswell so even though cheaper than a bakery is doesn't mean they a rent good.

padmorn · 17/01/2024 06:14

Just to add my child has friends similar who only know each other through us mums and happen only see each other few times a year which is mainly birthdays but we've all been doing it for years and years so no harm in it.

Disasterclass · 17/01/2024 06:15

Kids parties where you invite family friends is fine when they are 1 or 2 and don't know what's going on. Once they're older, and definitely by school age the child should get to decide the guests.

I would just do one big cake that you can give to everyone. Doesn't have to be fancy, kids don't care.

Jigsaw742 · 17/01/2024 06:17

Hi I’m not necessarily having two cakes - just the one - but trying to decide if it can be a bit bigger and special for the kids or if it should be a more simple and smaller cake so all can have some incl parents !

OP posts:
Jigsaw742 · 17/01/2024 06:24

@padmorn thanks for your input ! Do you invite them even if there’s bit of of an age difference in the kids and you’re only having a handful of your child’s close friends this time around ? To clarify , I’m definitely not having an hall party ! If I was, there would be no issue , all would be invited. Literally a handful of her close friends. If I manage to have space for one more , I then wonder if it should be another friend from her nursery class that she actually asked for and plays with . Also we aren’t allowed M&S unfortunately at this place, but I wish that was an option !!

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 17/01/2024 06:26

I would maybe ask the other parent over separately for a playdate and catch up, preferably before the other party so your dd knows someone at the party! Just the two of them might help them (and you) to reconnect. Too much pressure at a party with just close school friends, she will feel excluded because she doesn't know Ms Wright and can't join in the school chatter.

In terms of cakes I would probably not want the usual kiddies birthday cake with too much fondant and artificial taste which your dd has blown the candles out on. If you are providing for parents then maybe just a separate cake in the kitchen and instructions to help themselves.

Do be prepared though at that age parents might just plan to drop and run, especially if they know you and if they have other dc. We would have seen it as an opportunity to go for coffee with the other dc for some 122 time. Obviously we would check with the parents but not everyone will.

VisionsOfSplendour · 17/01/2024 06:44

Ime children don't really care about the cake and as an adult I wouldn't be expecting a piece

If you are etc allowed an M and S cake an Aldi caterpillar equivalant would be fine

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