Guilty coming out of the other side of PND

[Udford]

I’m 10 weeks post partum and was diagnosed with PND just before Christmas.

I’ve just looked back at the photos of my baby during the first few weeks. I have very few and I can’t remember her as a newborn as she’s been pictured. The photos that I do have with her; I look dead behind my eyes.

I feel so guilty as I remember my first born so clearly as a tiny baby and I was besotted with her. Feel like I’ve been so self absorbed that I’ve missed such a special moment I will never be able to get back. Also worried about ever having to explain why I have so few photos and videos of her in comparison to her sister.

Feel like such a horrible mum 😭

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Being a mum is hard, and the change to your life is beyond massive.

You’ve been hit hard by a medical condition that is pretty common after birth. You’ve obviously sought help, and are working though it. That is amazing and the best thing for your baby. She won’t know the difference.

Keep focusing on working through stuff. You’ll get there.

You have not been self absorbed or a horrible Mum. You have been ill with PND, a very serious and debilitating condition.

In your own words you are coming through the other side of PND you have always loved your baby the difference now is you can now show them how much. X

Everything will be OK. She's not even 3 months old - you've got years and years to take lots of lovely photos and videos, and make lots of lovely memories.

I had horrific ppd after my first, and only emerged from the awful pit of doom about 9 months postpartum. Now my dd is 3yo, it feels a lifetime ago. Hang in there, this will all be in the past.

You can tell her the truth. That you weren’t very well after she was born so couldn’t take as many photos. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’ve done nothing wrong. She will understand. And she’s still so little, you’ve got plenty of time to make memories with her and take lots of lovely photos.

I had sepsis when my son was a week old. I felt awful for not being able to look after him properly when I was ill, but I’m sure you wouldn’t blame me for that and you shouldn’t blame yourself for being unwell either!

It is a very hard situation to find yourself but glad to hear you are feeling better in yourself. As others have said be kind to yourself and in time they will be distant memories.

Maybe look at some counselling at some point if you feel well enough?