Quitting loneliness

[MNUse]

Not really an AIBU, posting for traffic. If you have gone through a sustained period of real loneliness in your life and come out the other end, how did you manage to do it? Do you have any tips? I’m looking for situations in which the change was based on things that you actively did, not just finding a partner and then having children (which is partly luck and can’t be guaranteed no matter what you do, though of course there are things you can do to increase your chances. But that topic is well covered elsewhere, so I’m looking here for things that don’t involve having to find a romantic relationship, like changing your outlook or habits, taking up volunteering, moving countries - whatever!) Would love to hear positive stories.

I don’t have the answer, but I’m following hoping for someone else’s wisdom!

At my least lonely, I was an active part of a fabulous community. That particular one doesn’t exist in the same way anymore (London prices change areas quickly), and I’ve been searching for it ever since.

I’m trying to re-connect with old friends and build new friendships after a break up. I’ve realised that my friendships really suffered during the Covid years and now that I am single I find life can be quite lonely. I am making a big effort to contact people whose company I have enjoyed in the past and suggest meeting up - walks/coffee/ drinks etc. for me it seems easier to start with people I already know, even if I haven’t seen them for ages. So far so good, everyone has responded positively and I have a few things lined up.

Over a gloomy drink one evening back in 2015, shortly after I’d relocated home to London and was glum that many of the former friends I’d had there years previously had also since moved away, a friend who was probably fed up of me being gloomy challenged me to Year of Yes - I had to spend a year saying yes to any suggestion of something to do, as long as it wasn’t actively dangerous and I wasn’t ill etc. Any invitation from a colleague to join them at the pub? I had to go. Neighbour having a Christmas party? That, too. It also included joining Meet Up and committing to go along to the first activity which came up as a suggestion for me at least twice a week.

It was a fucking ball of a year! I did stuff I never thought I could possibly enjoy doing - and some of it I indeed didn't enjoy enough to do it again. But after a few weeks of it, my motto really became that I was either going to get a great experience out of it, or a great story to tell. And that's exactly what I got - as well as hundreds of more social and hobby invitations; my first foray into running and cycling, which I now do most days; dozens of great new friends, some of whom I call my closest and dearest today; an introduction to the Burning Man community and kink scene which now makes up enormous parts of my life and social groups; and ultimately, my now husband. And it definitely got me out of a rut!

I think this is a good approach. I'm a single parent with few friends locally so I have a lot if time on my own. I don't generally get lonely but I do try and say yes to invitations and opportunities to meet people however I feel about them as it gets me out and how bad can it really be?

Good advice - thanks!