Or are my parents?

[Halfmanhalfcake]

So for as long as I can remember if something bad happens to someone I know, my parents have always said “don’t take it on”.

For example, an old friend of mine died before Christmas and when I told my dad his. Immediate response was “that’s sad but dont take it on”.

For context I’m not some emotionally fragile , hyper sensitive individual. On the other hand I do like to think that I’m an empath at least. To be feeling something when a friend dies is normal, and I don’t need to be warned about that.

Even as a kid I remember telling my parents about stuff that happened with friends and it was always the same responses “don’t take it on” or “you’re so sensitive”. Honestly this is not my recollection of myself at all (or at least I wasn’t outside the realms of normal teenage girl emotional responses). I get warning your kids about getting sucked into emotional drama etc. Maybe they just worded it badly?

I just find it weird. Like what do they think is going to happen to me if I “take it on”.

My parents are nice people, I just find this so weird.

The pile on from saying you're an 'empath' 😂

I think it is weird that your parents say that, but it's maybe just a saying that was said to them. Just take it with a pinch of salt, and go be as empthathetic as you want.

I think what they mean is, don't take it on emotionally/get too bogged down with other people's issues. I would agree with them.

As someone who's spent my whole life absorbing worry and stress from other people to the detriment of my own mental health, I wish I'd learned how not to do that at an earlier stage.

Maybe it's just something something they say without much deep thought that feels like the appropriate thing to say.

Why are you thinking about it so much? Let them say it. Say "hmmm" and move on?

Jeez, what is this pile on with the word ‘empath’. Get over it already.

OP, I would assume they mean to not burden yourself with other people’s troubles – which some people subscribe to – but it’s weird to say that about a friend dying. That’s YOUR trouble too, your friend didn’t just have a problem you might get tangled up in, they died?! So of course you will have emotions about that.

At the end of the day people are a product of how themselves were brought up, and this is probably what was instilled into them. It’s good for you to question what’s right for you and what you want to take on board.

At the very least it has become and irritating catchphrase/stock response. MIL uses formulaic responses - the most irritating one is 'it's just nice to have a meal cooked for me' when I cook her a meal. Same thing for 20 years. Initially it started out as a PA dig at FIL but now I think she's on autopilot. There could be an element of that?

I would be inclined take it as they don't want to take it on and it has nothing to do with you being oversensitive. They've been giving you the same response for a long time now. Believe them. Stop telling them bad things that happen to people you know - for whatever reason they are incapable of responding in a more appropriate, compassionate way.

I saw a TikTok that said "so you're an empath? Who did you have to tread on eggshells around as a kid?" And I think that's fair.

Either, you get more involved than you think you do or they get thoroughly uninvolved with other people's business to protect themselves or because they don't care. I personally, think it's an older generation thing. My grandparents have always said what your parents say as they are extremely private and don't want any problems.