Boyfriends insta algorithm

[Laks19]

Last night sitting next to my boyfriend he was on instagram as usual and showed me a reel before clicking back onto the explore page, I noticed there was a few girls on that.

He isn’t the type to like or follow other girls. I made a joke as seen a video that the algorithm goes on what you engage with. He then wanted to go to bed and basically said it shows the rival team he supports and he has no interest in that!
I brought it up again tonight (due to reaction yesterday) and said does he engage and he at first said he will click onto it but doesn’t search for it (ie if a girl is on explore page)
He then said I should be greatful as most guys follow models etc on instagram and he doesn’t follow or any of that. He just clicks onto it now and again.. we have a baby but he shows me no physical attention or compliments anymore so I guess maybe why i’m :(

I would say I do have insecurities due to previous cheating and how it all ended and current bf in past had kept a girls number and lied when first started dating so maybe I’m overreacting but I do wonder can I be mad or like he says “I should be greatful he doesn’t follow like other guys” and he doesn’t message anyone, just clicking onto these girls on the explore page etc

hes in 40s so I thought ://

You haven’t really asked a question.

He lied to you, initially, and then gave you a shit excuse about how it could be worse when you bought it up again. I’d throw him back for that alone… he’s not the one and he won’t make your insecurities any better.

He’ll keep seeing model footage for as long as he watches it, too.

He’s in his 40s, and on Instagram? You can do better than this one.

This has to be a joke?

Is this a brand new MN weirdness? What’s wrong with Instagram?

Well you've used the word 'grateful' so I expect the replies will be all about that, because of course you shouldn't be 'grateful' as you know.

But other than that, lots of people like to look at beautiful/handsome people online 🤷‍♂️

Something that comes up time and again on MN though, is people saying 'Well I've been cheated on in the past' etc, as though that makes it ok to treat their new partner a certain way.

Such a weird reply.

FFS this place should be renamed AgeismNet.

I’m in my 40s and on Instagram. Am I weird?

You sound quite paranoid to me OP, but then I don’t have a cheating phobia. There are going to be women on your DP’s feed, they make up half the population and Instagram is for sharing creativity, jokes, opinions, recipes and life in general, not really for perving on people. I have a lot of men on my Instagram feed, because some of them are funny and interesting and some of them are nice to look at as well, that doesn’t make me a cheater, or anything close.

You’ve probably caught him off guard.

i don’t think you can police his instagram
and Stop him clicking on certain profiles - that would not go down well if a man demanded that of a woman.

Just to reply to some if they think I meant that he’s cheating not that. I have in past so can be insecure and tried counselling. I think my question is to I have a right to feel upset over him lying in a way? One day hes telling me that its not what he’s on then today saying yes he will click onto it if its on that page (it does generate more the algorithm as engaging by clicking ) I then said would he go onto their page and he said yes to have a look.
if he finds them attractive he will click onto the image.

I see no weirdness with how old people are on instagram either, as know all ages but just with him being in 40s I thought why is he got girls that are in their 20s coming up on this explore page.

According to Google, the stuff that appears on that explore page, relates to what you search for.
it suggests content it thinks you might like based on your preferences….

It's nothing to be concerned about, you put him on the defensive, so he immediately said what he thought would be a safe answer.
People look at other people.
What would you do if you found he is looking at something like gay or transgender images or porn? Freak out or do some research to get some balanced information as to why straight men are curious? You will not be comfortable with anything while you are feeling insecure, and it's damaging to your relationship.
You may well destroy what you have if you don't get yourself sorted.
Remember- you are real, images are not.

Just leave him alone for goodness sake and stop trying to control him.

If you think your past gives you the right to act like this, it's time to stop dating until you can change your behaviour.

@LoopyLooooo OF course it gives no right,. I’ve spoken to psychiatrist and health professionals as I wish I didn’t have all this past to go back to everytime and doubt. There is a huge insecurity and I wish I could fix as not normal behaviour

I couldn't care less what my husband scrolls through on whatever social media he likes. I mindlessly scroll through all kinds of crap.

I guess a comfortable person would be like it’s just a page, a woman it doesn’t mean anything but few times he’s lied in past which doesn’t help previous too.

one involved him joining a hooker site as someone on his job said a woman that lived near their job was on it and he wanted to look was his excuse.
there has been stuff that makes me doubt in past but then I try get over and even more so now we have a baby :(

Yeah, me too

My Insta algorithm is full of Cillian Murphy, cats, Joe Cole, pugs, women cutting wonky fringes, Chris Evans. I dread to think what my husband would make of it

I just checked my explore page and it’s full of mad shit that I have no interest in. Including an older guy having hair pulled through a colander and then cut with clippers. I definitely do not watch related videos to this!

Op it sounds like you have been through betrayal trauma if you have experienced being cheated on before if I'm reading that correctly.

I'd suggest going to love after porn on reddit you'll find more support there for the kind of boundaries and therapy work that would benefit you.

Instagram does only show you what you interact with. It's absolutely reasonable to be in a relationship where you both agree to not lust over other people. You also have the element that to view women purely as sexual objects it's a very damaging unhealthy mindset.

The lying behaviour is concerning.
If my partner is saying they need to feel safe in the relationship and what I'm doing is making them feel unsafe if it's just "mindless scrolling" that's hurting the one I love I don't need to do it it's not aiding me in anyway. Then I'm stopping it. It's not worth it. I respect my partner. I care more about them than looking at other people.

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for this post because I’m going through the exact same thing. I’m struggling to get past it. Have you found anything that helps you? Sending you lots of love. It’s tough x

@Lemonsqueazy7 Hey, sorry you’re going through the same. I know people will say it’s just online but when speaking to him he did agree its the same as checking someone out in person :(

I'm in my 40s and on Instagram 😂It's mainly gardening, travel and beauty stuff, with a few hot men (famous/internet famous ones, not the bloke next door). Am I weird? Or am I very similar to every other 40-something woman in the country?

Honestly OP, I couldn't get too worked up about my partner looking at pretty girls on Instagram. I know mine does, among his other interests. However, the lies and his general attitude towards you would be a massive problem. It sounds like you have some unresolved fears around being cheated on due to a previous relationship, and that your current partner is not particularly kind or understanding of these. Only you know whether you are concerned enough to leave.

What even? I can't get passed this. my mum is in her 70's and on Insta, same as my dad and uncles. all in their 70's. What a blooming weird thing to say!!

Any way OP, i just opened my explore page and there is some weird and wonderful stuff on there. including half naked men. i've clicked to have a look today out of interest but i never do normally!

It has become the norm for people to post salacious photos of themselves for others (mostly men) to drool over - how could that NOT have an impact on marriages when it's on a private hand-held device?! There are many young couples having infrequent sex with each other because of men getting sexual satisfaction via their phones. The fact that many now think spending hours looking at pics/vids of "insta models" is normal and okay is crazy! I have no answers, but I'll be telling my son and daughter about its effects when they are old enough.