What is wrong with me? Re: mental distress

[fedddyup]

I’m feeling very overwhelmed and I’m making lots of silly mistakes I have never been this bad ever in my life. I’m wondering if anyone can help me get some perspective please, I can’t talk to anyone in RL as I will come across “crazy”.

it started with the smallest thing ever - after school clubs for my daughter! I started feeling guilty I don’t do anything much with the kids whereas other mums seem to have a different activity everyday. I did some trials for karate but DD yesterday starts crying she wants to go back to old dojo where we lived before which is around 35/45 mins on a good day drive and 1 hour on a bad day due to traffic etc. i posted yesterday to get some advice and consensus was it’s not too bad and I should do it for DD. I’ve had to move things around as the karate requires a weekday and a weekend commitment (others nearer us don’t they just do one hour a week). So had to move around DD’s Tuition on Saturday which I’ve moved to a Monday and stupidly not thinking as it’s an evening class and DD will be exhausted. I just tried to change back as I know I made a mistake but tutor told me they’ve already filled it up as Saturdays have a waiting list! How stupid was I? Of course no one wants the Monday session when it ends at 8:45pm!

I feel so hopeless, I’m so stupid how could I mess things up so much. Looking at the logistics we will never even make the old karate class as I finish work at 4:20, by the time I pick kids up it’s 5pm and the karate class starts at 5:15! We will never get there. How could I be so stupid. We could easily have made the ones near us as it takes 10 minutes max to drive there. I can’t believe how silly I’ve been.

Just to add I didn’t know at the time it was a 2 day commitment - they’ve only recently changed it.

Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. Is it like a brain fog? Peri menopause?

Can you not just tell the karate club that things have changed and you can’t continue with it after all? The tuition sounds frustrating, does she need the tuition?

@Scutterbug yes school actually recommended tuition as she’s very weak in English. She’s improved dramatically since she started and is more confident now. She really struggled in the beginning

@MissIndecisive2023 thsts exactly how I woulddescribe it as brain fog

How old are you OP? Overwhelm and making mistakes was part of peri menopause for me (started at c. 44).

@Twattergy I’m 34

Had covid recently?

No I’m sure I haven’t. Not had any symptoms at least

Oh love, it sounds like you're being incredibly hard on yourself. You're not stupid! Just human. Mistakes like that are so easy to make. There is so much to juggle when it comes to parenting, not to mention the pressure and worry that comes with it about not doing enough/being enough. I get so overwhelmed with it too sometimes. All you can do is your best, and there is no one out there who could be better at being their Mum than you

Best thing to do is slow down a bit. You've possibly just got a bit overwhelmed. Don't overthink it, give yourself a break.

We all have balls to juggle in life. The more.balls the harder it is and the more stressed we are trying to keep them in the air and not drop them. At the moment OP it sounds like you have a lot of balls! You've clearly recently moved, you have at least one young ish child, you are working... No one could juggle all those balls, you aren't shit for not managing.

The good news is some balls are glass and some are plastic. Some are large and some are small. It would be a catastrophy if a large glass one was dropped (your health for example) and only an "oh well" is needed if you drop a small plastic one. At the moment you also feel they are all glass but they aren't. The karate dojo is a plasticy one, it's good in an ideal world, but oh well. The tuition may be glass but it's a small one, so get on the Saturday wait list or look for another tutor and forgive yourself.

Thank you all again. I just feel so overwhelmed. I know it’s not important in the scheme of things but I just feel I’ve failed my daughter. Her friends who started ahead of her are so much more advanced

It sounds like you've moved and gone through a very stressful period. This affects your mental health, if not immediately, it does all catch up with you. You could try some anti depressants for a bit too get over this rough patch.

Please be kind to yourself OP 🌺 it sounds like you have a lot on your plate with work and taking care of your daughter. I just have work to think about, and I still get overwhelmed at times! You’re doing absolutely right by your daughter but you also need to do right by yourself too 🌺🌺

In terms of your daughter’s after school clubs, could you find her a different tuition company so she avoids the late night Monday session? Or perhaps you could trial the late Monday night session for a few weeks and see how your daughter feels (to avoid the disruption of taking her out of her current tuition sessions)?

Would some therapy or counselling - perhaps short term - help at all? It might help you work out where you can cut yourself some slack and take your foot off the gas. You sound like a lovely mum who’s doing the absolute best for her daughter.

@MerryMarigold @SpursFan2 thank you.

Try not to compare. You've no idea really in what ways other families are struggling or mucking up.

You care a lot for your daughter, you're not letting her down.