My almost 2 year old just doesn't settle down to sleep at night !!!

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I'm so frustrated, can someone help. I can't manage to beg my 21 month old son to sleep !

It's been like this for ages now. It seems nothing I do makes any difference.

I've shortened his nap and asked nursery to do the same.

He slept for 1 hour 10 minutes today and has been up since 1:40 pm. So why is he still climbing out of bed and trying to leave the room ? I've been upstairs with him for at least 45 minutes, trying to get him to sleep.

He hasn't slept in a cot since he was just over 12 months old, he just refused and wouldn't stop screaming. So he's in a double bed now.

Our routine is to have dinner, play a little bit downstairs, then if it's bath night we have a bath and ready for bed. If it's not bath night, then just get him in his pjs, teeth, milk and then I lie with him and his older sister in bed until they both fall asleep. I read a story or sing lullabies and have low lighting on. His sister falls asleep in 10-15 minutes and he's still up and trying to climb around laughing for another hour. EVERY night. My DD is 4, so no nap in the day. Both go to nursery full time.

When the clocks change, it will be even later. He's often not sleep until 9. Depending on the day.

What's the solution here ?

Sounds pretty normal. Everyone's different and some children take longer to fall asleep than others.

one of my boys would just go to sleep. My youngest is 7 and still spends hours arguing with us.

No idea but I'm lying beside my almost 2 year old and it's almost 10pm where I am. My bedtime is 10 as I'm up at 6 and I honestly feel like crying. I've asked nursery to wake her up earlier. My husband just wants to leave her to cry but I don't so he has said he won't do bedtimes anymore, now that she expects to be rubbed and patted for hours on end. I've been in here with her for an hour already. There have been 2 false alarms where I thought she was drifting off the she stands up and starts singng or something. I just feel like I have absolutely no life outside of work, kids and cleaning.

I used to shut the bedroom door, sit on the floor next to dds bed and everytime she got up say its bed time, lie down and nothing else. It did take ages but it worked for us eventually!

I hear you ! I also have no life outside kids, work and cleaning either. I also have to go to bed really early as I need to be up early and I get so tired otherwise.

I tried to let my DD cry when she was that age and it just wasn't good in the long run. She gets scared on her own now. I've also tried to let my son cry a bit, but he was relentless and thew up a few times. Long story short, leaving them to cry was tried a bit, but it didn't work and I don't want to do that again.

I think maybe he needs 30 minutes nap. I'll ask nursery to put 30 minute limit on it. Maybe try that too ?

Make sure room is safe, childgate over the door and leave him to it.
Mine had nice light on ceiling etc still never went straight to sleep. Used to find them all the time curled up on the floor where they had been playing a bit.
Fun time was when one decided to get a toy and rattle it ove the gate like he was in prison rattling the bars (and giggling all the while)

I did sleep training when I got to this stage. Took about 4 nights - sorted. The first night he got up about 40 times. Took over 2 hours. The second about 20 times. Not much by nights 3 and 4.

I just took him back to bed each time, staying calm (hard ). I was so cross with myself for not trying it months before.

They need to learn that it’s bedtime and you will not be their slave lying on the bed with them.

If your worried about bing sick and crying I just use to go in every 5 mins, no eye contact, cuddle and pop back into bed woth no talking - utterly boring. But works after a few (loads) of nights

A mate used to leave a story playing

It’s not an ideal long term solution but we had this with our little boy and found the only way to get him to sleep was to put him in his car seat and go for a drive down some quiet roads, it sent him off fairly quickly. We had to do it for a few weeks to get him into the habit of falling asleep at that time each night, then it was easier at home. Routine of bath, then we snuggle in the ‘big’ (our) bed for a bit with some lullaby’s on. It still takes a while and he will fight the sleep but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was

Thing is, we sleep trained her a few months ago to go to sleep without breastfeeding. She had been wakening about every hour and now sleeps mostly all night, with the odd wake up which just requires a shh and a pat. I went back to work full time shortly after. It just felt like too much to sleep train again. But I think it's time

I think you need to sleep train again as suggested by another poster. Sleep is so important and so is your sanity. It’s hard for the first few nights but works. Does not involve leaving to cry but it will involve you going in and out of his room for many times. But it will work.

Lying next to children whilst they go to sleep is not a good idea for long term sleep settling. They need to learn how to go to sleep by themselves. As naturally we all wake in the night. So children need to know how to get back to sleep without someone else there.

All children are completely different in terms of sleeping in the days but conversely up until about 3 mine did need a good 2 hour nap and slept better at night for it. Some children drop their nap at that age - worth experimenting with different nap times anyway.

Both mine were around 2 when we cut naps out entirely as they were taking hours to go to bed at night. Try it, see if it helps.

No advise but our 22 month old is doing the exact same thing! Bedtime is playtime no matter how calming and soothing her bedtime routine is.

The days she doesn’t nap (sometimes refuses to) she goes down easily but then often wakes in the middle of the night. She’s also an absolute demon by 4pm if she doesn’t nap.

The days she naps we limit it but even now it’s 9pm and she’s wide awake 🙃 but she sleeps through at least which having just come out of the sleep regression from hell is definitely preferable

It’s really nice to know it’s not just her though

The average amount of sleep for a 1-2 year old child is 11-14hrs in total per 24hrs, but as little as 9hrs is still considered normal for some children. If your child is consistently taking an hour to fall asleep at bedtime.every night then their bedtime is an hour too early for them.

Assuming they are up for the day at, say, 7am then an 8:30pm bedtime plus a 1:40hr nap means you're aiming for a total of 12:20hrs of sleep. Try cutting it back to 11:20hrs for a fortnight and see what happens. At age two ours was doing 9:30pm-6:30am plus 12-2pm, giving a completely normal total of 11hrs. We accepted the later bedtime in view of the long nap (as PP have said, some.children have stopped napping entirely at this age).

Lying next to children whilst they go to sleep is not a good idea for long term sleep settling. They need to learn how to go to sleep by themselves. As naturally we all wake in the night. So children need to know how to get back to sleep without someone else there.

Politely, there is absolutely no evidence that this is the case (but it is the sort of thing that sleep trainers will tell you so that you buy their book/pay for their course/follow their Insta!). Falling asleep at the start of the night is very different to starting a new sleep cycle at the end of the previous one.

Anecdotally, both of my children have a parent with them at bedtime and then sleep through the night. The youngest is rocked to sleep and then placed in his cot. I sit with the eldest and we listen to the Moshi sleep app. Once they're asleep that's it until morning.

My toddler is the same, goes to bed late and wakes up multiple times every night but I am just going to go with the flow. I don’t want to sleep train, I believe children do learn to go to sleep alone at some point but would rather that was when they were ready. Some of my DNs have been ready around 8 months and some much later. Sorry solidarity but not much in the way of advice.

Fair enough but it’s still disruptive to have to lie with children until they get to sleep and having to rock their children to sleep but each to their own!

And for the people saying laying next to kid isn't good long term. Your 16 year old isn't gonna need that, children don't stay young for long. I co slept with both mine until 7 months and 4 years and now (still primary aged) sleep well in their own beds.
Just follow safe co sleeping guides and it's fine! Allows better sleep for all imo.

Co sleeping is a choice though - it would have most definitely have resulted in worse sleep for all of us..

Our toddler has never been able to sleep with us in the room.
We sleep trained at around 10 months, and initially I tried to stay in the room with him. We also tried checking in on him every 5-10 min, but it was just making it worse. Leaving him on his own, he slept through in a few days (he had a couple of sleep regression where we had to do this again).
He is 2 now, and still to this day will not sleep if we are in the same room. Last time we tried (no choice on holiday), it took 3h to get him to sleep, when it normally take 5 minutes when he is on his own (He sleeps fine at nursery with other kids though).

My DD is same age and she needs on average 7h after waking up from her nap to fall asleep. So if she was to wake up from her nap 1.40pm it takes us to 8.40pm which I am ok with as there's no point if me spending hours in the bedroom with her when she isn't falling asleep before that 7h mark.

Does he seem tired in the mornings? Is he tired at bedtime? It just sounds like he’s not ready for sleep. Either I’d shorten or cut out the nap, or put him to bed later.

Good point.

But do you really think it's common for children under 2, like my son who is 21 months old, to stop napping entirely ?

He also takes almost an hour at home to go down for a nap, I'm not sure how long it takes at nursery.

My older DD stopped napping at 2 and a half, because she was doing the same thing, but my little one isn't even 2 yet !

He doesn't seem tired in the mornings usually, sometimes a bit maybe. This morning he kept dozing. He gets up at 7 am.

Following intently as I have exactly the same issue with a child of a very similar age (20 months)