If you know Spanish.... AIBU about mujeres?

[LostPurpleKipper]

In Spanish, is it respectful or disrespectful if a MIL refers to her DIL as 'la mujeres' in conversation (rather than 'name', 'your wife', etc.)?
My sister's MIL does this (even in her presence like she won't understand). To me, it feels a bit disrespectful. Her DH says it not... but as MIL is not always nice to DS, so I'm a bit unsure...

One thing MIL is right about is that we don't know enough Spanish to be know!

AIBU to think it is a bit rude? (I hope I am wrong and I am BU!)

(And sorry if I spelled mujeres wrong)

I think it sounds like it could be a bit rude. 'Mujer' means both 'woman' and 'wife' in Spanish, so it sounds to me like MIL is referring to your DSis as '[your] wife', when she's speaking to your BIL, but even so, I think using her name would usually be more polite.

That said, I can think of times when it certainly wouldn't be rude, eg 'My son and his wife are visiting us for a week' or something.

Not rude usually. As mentioned it means wife and woman. My Spanish friend will sometimes address me and others as mujer or even “hombre” mid engrossed conversation, almost like a filler word like “right” or “so”.

Obviously tone and context is very important so she may be being rude in this instance. She’s basically saying “…the wife…” which could be jokey, friendly and familiar or could be distancing of someone she dislikes.

How good is her English? Spanish people are often more direct than we are used to and more likely to comment on weight for example. If her English isn’t brilliant she may be translating from Spanish quite literally and they use please much less relying on things like the polite imperative or just imperative which is normal in Spanish but is very abrupt in English as we don’t use it in that way: “Pass me the pototoes” “Give me your keys.” It sounds really rude but it is just a direct translation from the Spanish. Equally when English people speak Spanish like they would English: “Please could you pass me the potatoes?” it sounds “cursi” in Spanish. A bit twee and affected and depending on context, unfriendly.

also in Spanish they use the possessive pronouns much less so they’ll say “the wife” instead of your or his wife much more commonly as the possessive is generally used only where the meaning would otherwise be ambiguous, eg “your husband looks tired” when there is more than one husband in the room. In English we always attach possessive pronouns to family nouns (and in Yorkshire to proper names! Our Mark, Your Rachel etc…).

I know I’ve mentioned on here about our (lovely) Spanish au-pair returning to us after a long break and grabbing my spare tyre merrily exclaiming “¡Ai! ¡Tienes michelines!” -Ooh! You’ve got spare tyres! 😂

Mujer does mean wife.
It's absolutely fine :-)

I lived in Spain for a year and it's not disrespectful. It's commonly used.

Ah phew! Sounds like this is fine. I appreciate your help and thank you!

Sometimes MILs direct (fine by me) and sometimes she visibly takes a bit of delight in stirring trouble. Glad it's not this time 😀

I’m Spanish. “Mujer” also means wife. It’s fine.

Thank you!!@

My husband is Spanish and he says this is not rude. I do however, as an English person understand how it sounds rude!!

If you were making a generalised statement about women or wives, it would start with las mujeres. Whether or not it's disrespectful would depend on the rest of the sentence.

La mujer de Pedro is saying the wife of Pedro. Nothing wrong in Spain.

My husband actually said it would be normal to say "your wife" not "the wife"

In Ireland it's quite common for people to refer to a wife or partner as "your woman'. It's colloquial but not disrespectful. This might be similar.

It´s quite mainstream, tu mujer (your wife). Is she rural? The lady who helps my mum speaks like this, without the possessive pronoun sometimes (or is this how your sister remembers what the MIL said, when she is actually saying tu mujer). Whether disrespectful it depends on the rest of the sentence. I suggest your sister learns Spanish Asap?

Normal.

ive lived in Spain and I always found the language to be more abrupt than English. Not in a bad way, I quite like it 😂

It’s fine!

Usages in Spanish vary a lot from region to region (and country to country). In some regions, the possessive is used a lot, in others it's not. Similarly with articles. Some people will put them in front of names even (la Luisa, la María).

In general, mujer/mujeres is not rude.

But most native Spanish speakers find the English easy to shock and amuse themselves by being direct in ways they know will make them squirm. It's not personal, it's a cultural thing. Sort of a 'let's find out just how thin skinned they are', type thing.

That's more likely what is sometimes going on with your MIL than her being directly nasty/disliking your sister.

Hold up. Referring to someone as "your woman", in her presence but believing she wouldn't understand, would probably be NOT be respectful. I suppose it could be jovial "banter" addressed to the son, but then the DIL should be aware that she's the butt of a gentle joke - or else, again, it's not respectful at all.