How can I get better at dealing with MIL (we’re not married) and not get so affected? I have Autism so take it all and wish I didn’t. I always try to understand more and I’m wondering the reason why she doesn’t like me but also wondering what people would do in my situation. In past if I have posted similar I guess its to add in more and maybe I have hope that someone can make me feel less :(
I met my boyfriend online, we dated for over a year and then eventually met his mum I think within that time. On meeting her the convo didn’t last long (less than 5 mins) and I stayed stayed over a few times. I eventually said to partner it would be good if one of us got somewhere (he said he would as he had needed to before and felt embarrassed to still be at home)
He did and I paid money too so it wasn’t all on him. His mum bought a lot for the flat (bedsheets, curtains)
I hardly seen her (very rare occasion) then on pregnancy I never heard from her other than partner passing on (hope I’m well from her)
I never heard from her even after a scare (twice)
which I can’t make sense of? my mum would read and sing even though baby was in stomach
Once baby was born I moved fully and it changed to a different story, she wanted to babysit. Asking daily if I wanted her to take baby. When I had no support near me and physical conditions I said yes but then would feel guility and wish it was my own mum as my own mum is there for me and baby. I did manage to spend some nights at my mums as partner understood due to health and my mum being close but ideally I had hoped mil would have came round and helped both or even made convo
it then became if I didn’t send baby along I would get digs (how much shes changed) then she would appear randomly which she does more often now as I don’t send along. I also get asked or my partner to send photos (she lives 10 mins away) and if I go a week without sending or few days its chased up.. I don’t know if norm thing as my mum lives further and sees less but never asks! I also don’t know if she posts anywhere!
I then was unwell and partner was working so had her babysit then later found out she had gave her calpol during the day (i’m not sure if I have a right to be mad but my thought was how did she not say or ask beforehand incase I already had) I also feel my baby now a year never teeths during day really its at night so I felt why. Then she keeps sending calpol and things down every week.
same with clothes toys brand new (every few weeks)
lately I also found out his sister and other cousins were visiting baby in early days and I never knew. Yet none have came to visit me even though i am on my own in new place with baby most days as he is working! ( a sister did recently but to know family have visited when shes been at grandparents)
I also feel there has been comments from MIL in past about nails and other (oh make sure her nails are cut and shes wrapped up) her nails are looking bad etc, give her calpol and do this for her teeth. I feel she will criticise everything. As heard her bad mouthing with another family member about her sisters kid
i’m finding being away from home difficult as I know my mum isn’t 10 mins compared to some or family. My mum has always been the closest to me. (I’ve joined baby groups to try make friends but always feel different i’d prob feel that anywhere I guess but feel moreso here) My partner is always supportive of me going to see family with baby and staying for few nights but he would never move. Hes made that clear. I just find it difficult his mum shows up randomly sometimes and will sometimes not knock or even if expected they just walk in. I ensure door is locked now!
i do find it difficult even now with having baby here that mil doesnt really make a convo over 5 mins and will just engage with baby (cuddles cheek kisses) my mum has always done forehead his family do neck, face and I know I should stand up and grow a but after years of bullying I just feel defeated. i worry will i ever adapt to this new, I do love the house and my partner is a good dad. We never really have any intimacy anymore, there is times if I was to dress up to make effort he wouldn’t comment or he would say cover up. Ie sexy lingerie! I don’t get as much compliments now and even before baby I initiated any intimacy . From living with him I don’t feel there is other but just know I don’t feel noticed or when I buy a new outfit. The other day I picked a coat and he went thats too smart for you. I felt a little hurt (on one hand glad honesty but its also knowing that when I do try) I sometimes feel caught because If I broke up I know I would find things harder, probably struggle and most importantly I’d worry about aftect on her but also part of me thinks on his family! (i guess i went off topic but I feel damned)
i have said in past to mil to come for a coffee but got turned down too
Anything brought up to partner he has either not seen a problem, told me i’m overthinking or hasn’t been aware. The same with intimacy he just says we will neee to make time but never happens or says no issue
AIBU to sometimes think life without this hassle? But then its the loss
and is it norm the way his family are since I haven’t got much experience of relationships