I decided to go no contact with my birth giver and step father 6 months ago.
They didn’t raise me, but for the time I was in their care, they abused me emotionally/physically and failed to meet my basic needs as a child.
As a mother/adult I have tried to work with them to forgive them for years. Giving them chance after chance to have a relationship with my own young children, over time they proved themselves to be trustworthy with them and the kids were happy to go.
They would beg to have DS aged 3 all week.
Day before pick up there would be some lame excuse as to why they couldn’t have him anymore. There were times where I would feel let down for him. Whenever I expressed my feelings to birth giver and let her know how disappointed I was that she was letting him down yet again she could not cope with it, and would block my number for a month or 2.
She would then unblock me as if nothing had happened and ask for DS again. I would say no he’s not a toy to be picked up and let down whenever she felt it, she was either in his life or she wasn’t.
She would then go on to say that I was using my babies as a weapon. Obviously not true, I don’t want people in their lives who walk in and out as they please. I of all people know how damaging it is.
Every Christmas she would buy more for my children than I can afford personally.
I’m sorry but she’s had her time with her children, and she didn’t do her best. Therefore she is not taking Christmas’ away from my little family every year. Filling my house up with absolute junk that the kids don’t need.
I gave her the heads up, if she would like to buy tons of stuff they will have to stay in her own home. Otherwise she was more than welcome to buy them clothes, give vouchers, (I gave so many suggestions)
she was spitting feathers and used manipulation for weeks to try and have her own way but I stood firm and said no every time.
She would stoop very low and would say things like “your kids will sit on Father Christmas’ knee this year and when he asks them what they want they’ll say they’re not allowed anything”
I told her to stop as guilt tripping was not going to work. She would then say she couldn’t take anymore and was going away for Christmas. (Hoping to get me to change her mind) again it didn’t work and I said “lovely, hope you have a nice time away!”
She was furious that her usual manipulation tactics weren’t working anymore.
She went out and bought a load of plastic junk that my kids don’t like and completely ignored boundaries.
I told her to keep them at hers, my kids my rules and I and their father wanted to be the ones to provide Christmas for them.
Grandma’s and aunties etc were welcome to buy clothes and other stuff.
She then said she had only bought them as her mother (the woman who had raised me) had died. This was a new low even for her to use her as an excuse.
Every pregnancy I’ve had she’s sent me abusive messages, sent her husband to harass me at home, or written posts about me on social media.
She also did the same to her sons ex girlfriend when she was 2 weeks overdue!
My birth giver and step father lost her own child 25 years ago shortly after birth.
They will always “swear down on their dead babies grave” over minor things.
They also evidently don’t like seeing other women pregnant, and will do their best to cause them unnecessary stress.
Thats a brief bit about the back story…
Just before Christmas she sent her husband to my house with boxes of cr*p for the kids (I hadn’t spoken to them in 3 months) he walked in without knocking.
I told him to leave. My kids believe Father Christmas brings big presents so couldn’t believe he would walk in and do this against my wishes when we weren’t even on speaking terms. He tried to shoo me away in my own home and was trying to give my 7 year old a lot of money.
If anyone tries to give my children a large amount of money I would like a discussion about it first. I gave it back to him; told him to take his money and his toys and to never walk in to my home again.
He was refusing to leave. He was swearing at me in front of my 2 young children. I was still am heavily pregnant. I was crying at this point as my kids aren’t used to seeing behaviour like this.
My birth giver went on Facebook to write posts about me. I could’ve done without the stress.
For 2 weeks after she would message my dh to ask what did she want us to do with the mountain of toys. She’d already had her answer on this before she even went out to buy them.
I reminded her again what I’d already said 10 times and that my children could not be bought with material stuff and I’ve given her 7 years worth of chances to be a grandmother to my firstborn and then my second born and that she cannot buy my children’s love. She has to earn it and spend time with them like a normal grandmother.
I told her I’m heavily pregnant I want to be left alone and do not send her husband anywhere near me again to do her leg work.
Since then, her husband passes with his dog whenever I do the school run as he knows he will bump in to me.
Last time he allowed his dog to pull towards my child aged 3 and if he hadn’t have been holding my hand. My child would’ve ended up in the road. I don’t think he did this to hurt my child, but it was certainly to get a reaction or for us to stop and talk to him. We carried on walking.
Fast forward to today, I saw him (same time of day again) walking his dog.
I didn’t want the same thing to happen with the dog again so I crossed the road with DS.
As I’d crossed he shouted my sons name 3 times. What a dangerous thing to do, to call a small child from across the road.
This time I couldn’t ignore him, I said “STOP THIS NOW! Next time it will be a harassment order!”
I don’t feel he will stop. And I know that when he walks past with my birth giver, there will be a lot more harassment to come my way. She’s the type she shout abuse in the street wether I have my kids or not.
My only regret is ever giving these vile people the benefit of the doubt and tried to encourage a relationship with them and my children.
My children have since said they used to say weird stuff to them that would make them nervous. I had no idea.
I’ve looked it up online and it classes as stalking/harassment.
If I make a police report what will be the likely outcome?