Am I being unreasonable regarding DD club?

[fedddyup]

DD did karate once a week for 2 years. She absolutely loved it. We moved away and still tried to go but would take ages so went every other week sometimes not at all in a month depending on how tired we were. I decided this year just to stop going and find a closer one to our new home. I just feel guilty as my daughter is upset every time and says she misses old class. We’ve trialed another karate and she’s still upset. I don’t know what to do a) continue going to old one which is about 6 miles away and can take anywhere from 35-40 minutes depending on traffic or b) stick out new one which is 1.7 miles and takes no more than 10 minute to drive there.

Personally I'd keep going with the 6 mile one if it's a case of your DD enjoying that and looking forward to going, rather than persisting with the one closer to home which it sounds like she doesn't like, and will probably want to give up on soon. It often used to take us over an hour to travel the 3 miles to our nearest town, so I wouldn't say that 35 - 40 minutes is that bad OP

There's little point paying to go to a club you are too tired to go to. However 30-40minutes drive for a sport is pretty normal where I live... I drive that 3-4 times a week for 10yo DD.

We do 45m drive twice a week for dd’s sport. i feel your pain!

I do karate and am really attached to my club. Loved the teaching style, the people, the camaraderie. When I moved away I couldn't find another club (tried 3) that I liked as much so stopped going until I moved back home a few years later. I imagine I'd have felt the same as a kid. I think you should take her to the one she enjoys, it's only a half hour away.

If you can facilitate the old club, do. Sadly we moved nearly 200 miles away and still haven't found a club that matches up and daughter is still sad about it several years later.

I would stick with the old club if she loves it and has friends there. DD goes to a weekly club that's 12 miles away and takes about the same amount of time to get to, and it is a pain, but she's really settled and has friends there, and the leaders have such a great attitude.

When she had a difficult period in school and had friendship issues, having another activity she felt confident in and had friends in that were independent of school and all the drama that was going on was a huge benefit to her mental health, so for that reason alone I think it's worth it.

How old is she, and how long had she been going there?

thavk you everyone. She’s 8 and been going since she was 6

It's difficult because it depends on your personal circumstances- we had a three hour round trip to take our DS to sports training every week ... and had to kill a couple of hours in a very dull town whilst he took part but ... he loved it, he is an only DC so no conflicting schedules with other DC and we could afford the petrol/time. He went on to play at county level and has played throughout Uni and beyond ... it's his real passion.

Gruffalo makes a good point, it is really good for DC's social skills to meet other children and families from 'outside' their normal circle ... DS met so many friends from different backgrounds through travelling a bit further and has kept up many of the friendships.

Stick with new one.

The thing is I’m a really nervous driver so it feels a lot to me plus it’s 2 hours waiting around as youngest will be 5pm-6 then DD will be 6-7pm. We wouldn’t get home till just before 8. Then they get tired and upset as they get hungry - but maybe I could get something on the way or pack dinner and they eat in way back?

Stick with the old club, but get into the habit of going regularly. DD did karate at that age. She trained up to 3 times a week including travelling 30 miles and for a while 45 miles once a week. She was passionate and it instilled the importance of commitment to an activity. Started at 7, 1st Dan at 14 , Second at 18. A club that only graded when they earned it, not a McClub.

Every family is different but how old is DD?
That travel does not sound too onerous tbh.
I know people that travel an hour each way every day for sports clubs. And people in rural areas that have to travel at least 30 minutes to get anywhere.
I would do that for my child if it was important to them.

I'd go to the old club, but make it work better for you.
If you have an hour each to get through with each child.

-take a packed lunch, so they can eat there. One before lessons, one after.
-get any school reading/spellings done too. Great way to actually get a bit of uninterrupted time.
-do any life admin you need to do too. I've sorted house insurance, paid for school stuff. Updated diaries etc. I used to find that hour I used to get loads done.

Give each child a packed tea while other is at their session.

Does it take as long to get home? My "club runs" can take 40 minutes to get there for 6... but 15 minutes to get home at 8.

My son’s club is my ‘Lidl’ run. I drop him off, get the shopping done, maybe fill car up with petrol, then back in time to collect. Use that time efficiently.

I don't think a 45 minute trip is out of the question if she loves it so much.
It's only 6 miles. Yes, a bit of traffic makes it longer than it should but, she loves going. It sounds like a great club.
Don't let her miss out!

Being a martial artist myself (and karate club owner) I think finding that club you can gel with is so important.

But as a club owner, its really annoying when our students are flaky and don't attend regularly as it's taking a space we could fill with another student because we still have to pay our fees whether our students attend or not.

So, if you do go with the old club make sure you attend regularly.

I'd stick with it. I was expecting you to say it was a lot further than 6 miles.

Club nights are a pain but I used to bring them quick food to eat whilst the other was doing their club if they weren't at the same time and would also get them to do their homework whilst waiting.

Thank you so much everyone! I do struggle with making decisions so you guys have been amazing! Yea we will stick to old club, the live admin and packed lunch tips are so helpful thank you. Please give me more tips if anyone can think of any to help me navigate this.

I actually think it’s reasonable to go and give them a packed tea etc. How does the rest of your week look?

but also it’s probably reasonable to stop, otherwise you could be doing this for another 12 years if both kids like this club.

I will be coming straight from work then picking them up from school and going there so in terms of packed lunch I can’t take anything that needs to be in the fridge like a cheese sandwich etc. any ideas what I could put in there? I’m thinking fruit and crisps with crackers and a long life milkshake that does t need to be put in fridge - anything else?

Can't you put sandwiches in a cool bag in your car boot? It's not very warm at the moment so it would be like being in the fridge.
Or quickly grab them from the house (already made in the fridge) before you collect from school if that's possible.
I do similar with my two DC clubs and they have sandwich, fruit, yogurt, crisps. Then a bowl of cereal when they get home if they're still hungry.

Thank you so much everyone! You have no idea how much you’ve all helped me without any judgements. Don’t you just love mumsnet at times like this. I don’t want to put a label on my condition but I get overwhelmed so easily and you all have been so helpful. Thank you so much. Will keep you updated on how things progressed with daughters karate. Thank you x