To say he can’t do swimming lessons at school any more?

[NotSayingImBatman]

DS2 (9) has ASD/ADHD and attends a specialist school for children with social, emotional and communication difficulties. He’s in a mixed age class of 8-11 year olds which has 7 students, a teacher and two teaching assistants. His school is 20 miles from our house.

Every Monday, they travel in a couple of the school’s cars to a small swimming pool in the next town over. I also take him for his regular swimming lesson at the local leisure centre every Monday evening. Twice now, DS has come home from school without his goggles which have never shown up and has necessitated a mad dash to the nearest shop to buy a replacement set before his evening lesson. Teacher doesn’t seem arsed, which is fine but when you’ve got a ratio of 1 adult to 2 children, how hard is it to check everyone’s got their goggles? Anyway, I digress.

Today, he’s come home with no kit at all. Teacher doesn’t know where it is. WIBU to say DS will no longer be going for swimming lessons with the school as I don’t have the time/money/patience to keep replacing his fucking swimming kit?

It wouldn't be fair on him if he enjoys the lessons, does he like 2 classes the same day. What else would he be doing on Monday morning if he didn't go. I would flag it with the Head and ask them to check before they leave, is his kit and bag labelled. I would keep a spare pair of goggles at home if neither pool supply them.

What have you done about it thus far? I’d be contacting senior management if you’ve got nowhere with the class teacher, before I pulled him out.

On that note - would they have enough staff to keep him back at school or would have have to go with them regardless and watch while everyone else swims?

ETA - completely understandable that you’re so pissed off btw…

We’ve blasted through all our spare goggles because he keeps leaving them and they don’t get handed in. He loves swimming and would happily spend hours splashing around the pool, so he’s not leaving them deliberately to avoid his evening lesson. He’s very particular about the goggles he’ll wear and they’re £15 a pop. I just don’t have it in me to spend £60/month on bloody goggles!

The school is very well staffed and he’s been left behind before for poor behaviour so they wouldn’t struggle to accommodate him. I like his teacher, and she does a great job in all aspects of his education, so I’m loathe to rock the boat and upset her. I’ve sent an email this afternoon explaining the issue and asking if there’s anything I can do to resolve it so we’ll see what she says.

Think the easier solution is he has to go without googles. No big deal best they can swim without them anyway.

That is utterly shit. My DS also autistic operates with that ratio for swimming I’d be really annoyed if they couldn’t support him with the executive functioning stuff like packing up bags and bringing stuff. It has never happened in his years at school. We had these issues with our eldest but her different school was absolutely hopeless for ND kids which is why our son went to a different school. Speak to the teacher. I definitely would.

Hopefully they’ll suggest a member of staff does a kit sweep before they leave from now on. Bringing a child back with no kit at all when they’re supervised that closely is rather ridiculous!

Fingers crossed for a satisfactory outcome.

That's totally unacceptable. With such a small number of students per adult I just don't understand how they managed to lose his entire kit. I'd be asking for a replacement.

I wouldn't deny him sharing something he gets joy from with his peers; that seems like a real own goal. Raise the matter with the school, label all his swim kit (including goggles).

Have you contacted the swimming pool to see if he left it there? Give them a ring and if it's there then ring the school and ask if they can pick it up next week.
Will he go in the pool without goggles? If so I'd send him without, better than stopping it all together.

Can you use a Sharpie and put your his name /school on the goggles? Or your contact number. I bought a swim bag for DS that had his name in huge letters on outside. Could you speak to swimming pool to see if they have any of his stuff there (if it's easily identifiable). I feel your pain BTW, my teenage son came home last week and had lost a pair of brand new shoes after p.e (they've not turned up yet, sigh)

Is hard to know how this aspect would differ from a mainstream but is the expectation that he packs up and is responsible for his own kit?

A few evenings swimming with no goggles may be enough of a motivator for him to ensure he doesn't forget them again.

With the above, a disclaimer that I'm not sure what the expected level of responsibility is here for a child of his age with his needs.

When you take him swimming on the evenings, for instance, does he change alone and pack up his kit? Is he capable of doing this?

The pool staff have never found any of it despite it all being clearly labelled with his name and school name :( I suspect kids coming in for lessons later in the day just pick them up from the benches if they’ve forgotten their own goggles and that’s that. The whole kit is a new thing and the teacher has now said she’ll go and do a thorough search of the car he travelled in so fingers crossed it shows up buried under a seat.

When I take him swimming I’m in the changing room with him and I pack all his things. Socially, he’s more like a 6 year old than a 9 year old so I genuinely don’t think he intends to be so scatty, he just lacks the executive function to keep track of his things.

Does he need goggles, many children learn to swim without them.

Annoyingly yes, he has sensory issues with the water on his face/in his eyes without them.

Take a photo of each piece of kit he takes in his bag, laminate them, attach to a keyring, attached to the outside of his kit bag and start training him to check the pictures as he puts the kit back in during his regular lessons that he goes to with you. Do the same with any school bag so he gets into the habit of looking at the pictures as he packs the bag.
Up to you whether you use generic clipart style pictures or actual photos of his kit.

Par for the course, sadly, in my experience. My DD went to a SEN school and they had a pool on the premises. I lost count of the number of times I got someone else's swimming kit home either in addition to or without DDs. Of course, I couldn't keep it soaking wet overnight/ over the weekend as swimming was 1st thing so I ended up washing and drying someone else's kit too! I needed to have spare kit as DD needed it at weekends. And she was in a class of 6 with 3 staff.

I'd still let him go swimming if he enjoys it - it isn't his fault the grown ups that take him don't check the kids have every bit of their kit.
Losing his entire kit is a bit ridiculous though - I'd be kicking off to the head about it. It just shows a basic lack of care from the supervising adults.
Going forward, I'd find a way to label everything in his kit with your mobile number. Write it as big as possible. Get some labels made up to make it even clearer. "PROPERTY OF JOE BLOGGS. IF FOUND TEXT 07777 777777".

As an interim step, buy a few cheap pairs of goggles and head to primark for a few cheap pairs of trunks and a few cheap towels. Label them up and at least you'll always have a fresh, dry, kit available when you need it.

I would do anything else (within reason) first before depriving him of an activity he enjoys.

My 9 yo has ADHD and is always losing things / leaving them behind, so I sympathise.

Going swimming without goggles would be a better solution if you can’t get new. I’d just be buying the cheapest of everything, and spares, but also keep badgering the school about it. If it’s a specialist school you’d think they’d be more on top of this.

I always had the old fashioned woven fabric name tapes for my kids. I used to take a name tape, wrap it round the goggles wherever it fit to form it into a loop, and stitch the ends of it together. It put an end to the lost goggles, as it was easily identified if left lying around.

So he has no consequences for not keeping track of his goggles? You just keep going out and buying him another set of expensive goggles. The first consequence would be to stop buying the expensive ones.

@OhcantthInkofaname - the OPs Son isn't being lazy or careless... he has ADHD. He came home with shoes on which is a plus!

Also there is no point buying an ASD kid the goggles they can't wear. It's not won't - it's can't. I have ASD and I can only wear certain socks. The wrong socks feel like a thousands ants are crawling all over my body at the same time. I'd rather wear nothing on my feet all day and have them blue with cold than wear the wrong socks.

This is a school and supervision issue. The teachers should be checking the kids kit, particularly the kids with ADHD who find it very hard to keep track of their stuff. I'd bring this up with class teacher and head if needed. How hard is it for them to say "Johnny do you have your kit? Show me your goggles? Ok now put them back in the bag and carry it onto the bus". I'd disagree if the ratios 1 teacher to 30 kids but at 1:2 they can check!!

I think you need to get him packing up his own kit after your swimming sessions to see whether or not he is even capable of doing it all himself. The school may well anticipate that all the children are capable of sorting their own stuff, and you don't know if he can as you do it for him when you are there.

Can you have a separate set of kit for school and home? That way he can always do the home lessons, but if his kit has been lost at school he will have to miss those ones.