RSVP to a party and then saying their not coming as got an invite to another one?

[Thereisnoname]

I sent invites out for my daughters party 2 months in advance ( have to give venue numbers when booking and have to book 6 weeks in advance)
They replied saying they could come. Now they have had an invite to another party on same day and time so have told me they are now not coming, with 2 weeks notice.
Am I right in feeling annoyed about this and it is rude behaviour and kid should have just come to the first party they accepted?

YANBU rude behaviour should just go to first party.
YABU its fine and they can change their mind.

Yes it is rude, I would understand in some circumstances (a relative they rarely see arranging to visit for instance) but for a different child's party, no! If I say yes, it's a yes barring exceptional circumstances.

Going forward, I wouldn't book such a venue again as I have found that for children's parties RSVPs and on the day attendance never match exactly and can sometimes be way off. Kids who didn't rsvp turn up, kids who RSVPed yes don't turn up, etc.

For big parties it will be far less stressful for you to do either a hall where it really doesn't matter or a soft play where you can pay a deposit and then pay on the day for the kids who turn up (usually with a minimum number).

I hope your daughter has a wonderful time. :)

Yes even if the child has committed. I mean how old are these kids? 2 months is a lifetime for a 5 year old. I think it is totally fair enough and not the slightest bit rude if you've told them 2 weeks in advance.

What is totally unfair on both birthday child and child invited is to force them to go when they'd rather be somewhere else.

There is enough time to learn about diary management when they are adults. I think expecting them to think like an adult and understand that it is unfair is a bit too much to expect from a small child. They just want to have fun

I can't believe the number of rude adults who think it's acceptable for the OP to spend £20-25 on a birthday party and then for their child to take a better offer.

You often can't invite someone else as they will know they are second choice.

I also don't care if a relative is visiting. My kids have gone to birthday parties when we have visiting relatives. The relative sees them when they get back. Illness is obviously a bit different but that would be last minute anyway.

As for "if I have errands to run". Are you kidding?

Thankfully the parents at my DCs school aren't so rude and show some respect to the time, cost and effort it takes to throw a party.

(Although, FYI, taking 5 friends bowling or to the cinema is much easier than a class party).

I do whole class parties and have a few older siblings who take the spot of the kids who don’t show. I let the parents know I may have a space free (it usually happens).

It is very rude and sadly these children get less invites year 2 upwards when parents realise they are unreliable. It’s a shame for the children but at 25/30 a head it’s not something people are prepared to risk.

The parents who cancel on the day ‘because little Jimmy was naughty and isn’t allowed to come’ are very annoying too.

I think second choice/back ups are fine to be invited if the parent is chilled and you know they will speak to their child about it. I wouldn’t do it if the parent us likely to get cross about being a back up.

My eldest was often a ‘back up’ for parties of 4/5 when someone said no or dropped out. He accepted and said he understands that numbers are limited, but he often then got bumped up the invite list the following year. So as a parent I am okay with a back up invite - I’d just suggest it goes to the parent verbally.

But YOU are the adult who is managing their diary for them. You receive the invitations and you are the one that RSVP's. You are making the decisions. Surely, you wouldn't be ok if it was your child's birthday and the shoe was on the other foot?

That's very rude

I wouldn't invite that child again

But, inviting people two months in advance is too far, IMHO

Well for starters I couldn't commit 2 months in advance I'd need to check when they need to know for definite. Particularly on weekends we couldn't commit as a family my kids do sports so there are matches, tournaments to consider.

But even if it happened to me and someone cancelled coming to my child's party with 2 weeks notice I'd be totally fine with it. I'd much rather kids who want to be there go. It's fine. But I'm more of a fewer friends type of person and don't think having masses of kids at a party makes you popular. That is just the parents buying them friendships.

It isn't ideal, but I think 2 months is quite early to send invites, so it was maybe inevitable.

It depends on the type of party a bit. I wouldn't make my dc miss a close friend's party for a whole class soft play type party.

I would have offered to pay for the place, though.

It couid of been a forgotten birthday for a niece etc personally I'd of offered to compensate you

They've let you know with plenty of notice, they could just not have turned up and money wasted.

Maybe it's a family or similar.

YABU.

Chill out, you have 2 weeks notice - that's loads of time to fill the space. Why has this triggered you so much? Fill the place or enjoy the kids food and party bag yourself. I didn't get annoyed with people who had to dip out my sons party on the day, cos life happens. The world does not revolve around you.

That’s shockingly rude.

And a terrible lesson for the child.

If it had been a close family member then fine but this is really poor.

How does OP just "fill the space" if she's already invited all the children her DC wanted there? She's paid for the child's place at the party, and it's incredibly rude for the parent to accept and then later back out for a better offer. But clearly you're one of those who would...

This is why behaviour in schools has gone to pot. Of course everyone wants fun, but children do still need to learn self-sacrifice, to be bored and find something to do, and to think of others. Loads of children are still delightful but now there is more consistently a significant minority of children who just won't listen when asked to - they think they have the right to do whatever they want.

Really poor parenting, giving this message. Beyond poor.

I personally thhink that people should be allowed to change their minds. If I rather go to the second invite, then I’d go to the second invite.

If my child would prefer the second invite, then I’d take them there too

It's very rude. Unless the other party is grandad 90th.

I couldn’t think of any worse than holding a party at home. All the mess contained somewhere else, you aren’t stuck trying to entertain a load of kids, plus at the finish time you pack up and go, not left with potential hanger oners in your home. 😂

My eldest is 25 and I’ve never held a party at my home, always in a venue. I get it’s expensive, so isn’t an option for everyone but thankfully it has always been for me!

Thanks for all the replies, glad to see that I'm justified to feel annoyed.

Also laughing at all the replies that clearly don't read the original post before replying and giving an opinion that has no relevance to the situation.
•don't send invites out so early, umm i had to due to venue wanting numbers at time of booking.
• fine for family party, its another childs party
• over the top party, nothing suggests that at all its just not at our house and at a venue that needs booking.

I’ve only ever done this once - I had a car accident a couple of days before the party and I couldn’t justify the taxi fare to get to the venue.

When we got married I had to chase up a reply from friends of my husband to be. The woman answered the phone and brightly told me they had been invited to another wedding on the same day but hadn't yet decided which one they liked the sound of best yet.
Never did get a reply and the friendship fizzled out after that.
Very rude!!

It's the norm where I am to send out invitations 6 weeks in advance so don't think the OP is crazy with her timing. Agree it's very rude. Also agree a venue doesn't mean a big fancy party - we're hiring a hall soon for £8 an hour.

Sadly it doesn't change - the rudeness I mean from parents - as the kids get older. I am divorced and my ex-dh was left to organise DCs 18th. Small but expensive event. All confirmed with dc, friends & parents. 1 dropped out morning of citing family outing. No offer at all to pay for the event. (£60-80) That was shabby.

It's rude that they did it and even ruder they told you why

I agree with the majority. It’s poor form.

I’d be wary of trying to fill the space with a sub. Some parents can get offended by that type of thing. It is maybe better to ask the parent of a child who’s already coming if they’d like their other DC to join in now that a space has opened up (they’ll bite your hand off!). Obviously you’d check with your DC first to ensure no issues with the particular sibling etc.