Adolescents always at home and intimacy.

[mum00ver]

I am a mother of an 18-year-old teenager. I got remarried last October, and fortunately, my son and my husband get along very well; my son considers him a father. I am trying to involve him in everything in our new family. However, the issue that concerns me the most is managing our intimacy, considering that he is always at home.

Usually, we wake up early in the morning when he is asleep. However, yesterday afternoon, being very attentive to the sounds, we closed ourselves in our room while he was playing PlayStation in his room with headphones. This morning, during breakfast, he asked if he could go to sleep upstairs, and I felt very uncomfortable. I am sure he couldn't have heard anything, also because the door was closed, and there were no obvious noises. Perhaps he imagined the situation, or maybe he reflected on the fact that on Saturday night I asked him if he would like to have a little brother or sister after many years as an only child.

I would like to know what you think. Should I accept him moving his bed upstairs, even though it's not well-heated, despite having portable heaters? I don't want him to feel left out.

He's doing well at home, especially during these cold days. He's a very sensitive boy, and perhaps the recent move has had an impact on him.

Talk to him. One on one, spend some time with just him and you...

And yes, we used to wait till they'd gone out, or we'd take some annual leave from work in the day, or go away for the weekend...

@PermanentTemporary

I sent you a private message.

Thank you.

An 18 year old should be out working, studying and having fun. That’s your issue.

Has he ever had a girlfriend? My just turned 18 year old has just gone off to Uni but he had a couple of girlfriends before this. He also has brought his current girlfriend home to stay a few times. If he’s never had a girlfriend maybe this is why it’s awkward for him?

I wouldn’t overthink the request to move upstairs - it’s probably just entirely coincidental.

FWIW my DCs are all teens/young adults and after I split with their dad I met someone else, who became part of our family for 10 years. We split about 2 years ago and I’ve got a new BF and he’s paranoid about my DC hearing us even kiss on the sofa! I’m not sure he’ll ever feel ok about sex in this house with other people here so we just go to his house for that.

But you’re in a committed relationship, you live together, your DS must be aware, especially after the sibling conversation, that you have sex! And at some point he’ll want to bring a GF (or BF) home too and will expect to be allowed some privacy himself.

It’s nothing to worry about.

This thread gets stranger. I still have no idea really what OP is actually asking.

@BigPussyEnergy

It's exactly what I meant. I hope the request to move is entirely random. I don't like that my son thought of moving just to give me space for intimacy.

@MermaidEyes

You're the one who doesn't want to understand; the user above you understood perfectly

He almost certainly did ask because he can hear you having sex. But, he clearly insists, for some reason, on never leaving the house so unless you are going to tell your husband that you won’t be having sex until such a time that he decides to move out, you’re going to have to stop treating him like a little boy and let him move upstairs where you’ll both be more comfortable with the situation.

1. what floor is your room on?
2. what floor is his current room on?
3. Is his current room next door to yours?
4. Do you have a suitable room for him upstairs?

You are assuming we understand how your house layout impacts your issue but we can’t see it!

And op, it’s much easier to get the opinions you’re looking for if you don’t expect readers to try and guess what the problem is.

There's no need for rudeness. How on earth can anyone here know why your son wants to move? We're not psychic. Perhaps try asking him?

TBH OP from your posts your point hasn't been that clear.

I asked if he wanted to move away from you and you said No. My son wants to move his room upstairs, but then later posted I don't like that my son thought of moving just to give me space for intimacy.

As it appears he is asking to move away from your bedroom, I would say he is just being considerate and giving you both some privacy OR he may have his own reasons although it would have been normal to say what those were iwhen he asked.

I think you are probably overthinking it OP

I never said he never leaves the house, but simply that he goes out infrequently. I don't see the reason to elevate your spirits. It's just a simple discussion like many others where opinions are expressed

Has he ever had a GF or BF? If not then it will seem awkward to him as he’s never experienced intimacy himself.

Okay, maybe you're right, and I create many nonexistent problems for myself. But just the fact that he could hear us bothered me.

I don’t think my spirits have been elevated!

Im also simply engaging in the discussion and expressing my opinion. You’re extremely sensitive.

Same here. I love this response. I like it when you write that you hope to be the reason for the transfer of your children adults. LOLLL

I’m surprised anyone would think about such a non-event for more than 1 second. He’s a grown man, there’s no need to baby him.

‘intimacy’ for sex makes me heave. I know that’s not useful.

This man heard his newly married mother shagging the new husband, she then asked if he’d like a baby brother or sister, he’s now desperate to get away from the room. Hopefully that desperation manifests as a desire to study or work, but who knows.

You asked your 18 yr old if he wanted a new sibling?

hey kid, just in case you hadnt wanted to acknowledge the fact of mums new marriage probably means she is having new exciting sex. Just in case you had managed to disconnect the thought from the reality... You decided to really spell it out for them.... and ask them outright if they were ready for a new sibling?

Do you even remember what being a teen was like?

The last thing you want to do as an 18 yr old is acknowledge that mama/papa is getting any sex AT ALLLLLL like your birth was immaculate conception.

Not sure if there's any difference in being an Italian teen but huge faux pas for an adult parent to a teen.

Well you asked if wanted a new sibling, then the next afternoon you two go into your room and shut the door.
I think anyone would guess - oh they are off having sex to have that baby she spoke about last night.

I would say at 18 he wants to have his own space.

What recent move?

@mum00ver

the answer is simple Op - you could just stop having sex 🤷‍♀️