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AIBU?

Adult son and girlfriend living with me

15 replies

Runningsue · 14/01/2024 21:50

Hi, my adult son and girlfriend moved in with me around 8 months ago to save flip for a house and I’m finding it so stressful. I feel overwhelmed and outnumbered in my own home and they are so messy. Now they’ve told me that girlfriend’s mother (who lives away and I’ve never met) wants to come and stay for a week. I just cannot cope with this. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

126 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
kweeble · 14/01/2024 21:52

Ask them to leave - say it’s not working for you. They can rent like others do.

Passingthethyme · 14/01/2024 21:52

Tell them to move out, give them 3 months to get sorted. Or at the very least the gf needs to

MILTOBE · 14/01/2024 21:54

They can't save for a house by putting on you. That's not fair. Tell them the MIL will have to stay in an AirBnB and that they should stay with her and give you a break. If they don't like it, maybe they could go and stay with the MIL until they have saved up their deposit.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/01/2024 21:54

They sound awful! Say no to the mum and ask them to leave as it’s no longer working for you. When are they due to move out? Bring it forward!

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 14/01/2024 21:54

Set some ground rules

PremiumRaa · 14/01/2024 21:54

No YANBU. Do you have the space to accommodate another guest?

How long are they intending on staying? I think you need to be brave and talk to them about the mess and set some deadlines. Explain another guest is too much for you and remind them you're doing them a huge favour letting them stay with you (for free?) whilst they save up.

The girlfriends mum will need a hotel or air b n b.

NotTerfNorCis · 14/01/2024 21:54

I hope they're paying board.

Tell them the mother can't come. It's too much.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/01/2024 21:54

tell them it isn't working because they aren't pulling their weight, and you want your home back, and a date you expect them to move out by.
TBH, if they've been there eight months and you've not already spoken with them about this, you've kind of brought it on yourself.

OliveToboogie · 14/01/2024 22:02

Tell them to go. This isn't working for me. Put your big girl pants on and stand up for yourself.

AdoraBell · 14/01/2024 22:07

YANBU tell them to clear up after themselves and the girlfriend’s mother can stay in a hotel/B&B.

Give them a time to move out, either next week or 3 months. Whichever works for you.

MaggieFS · 14/01/2024 22:22

Of course YANBU.

They've "told you" rather than asked?

If they're saving up, are they paying you any rent? Regardless, they should be respectful.,

Metallicant · 14/01/2024 22:26

Tell them it isn’t working and ask them to find somewhere else to live.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2024 22:30

You're unreasonable because you clearly never laid down the ground rules for living in your home.

Sit down with them tomorrow, do not wait another day, and on paper, have listed every rule you expect them to follow. Tell them your terms are nonnegotiable and you are fed up with your generosity being taken for granted. Tell them they either abide by these conditions or they can happily move out at the earliest. Also, her mother is not able to stay in your home. She will have to get a hotel.

Op, for the love of god , take control here.

Beautiful3 · 14/01/2024 22:44

I'd say no and ask them to leave in 4 weeks, as its no longer working. They can still save up, while renting. It will be slower, but still possible.

NewName24 · 14/01/2024 22:47

Of course YANBU.

that comes from someone who has had 2 different dc and each of their partners move in at different times.

But they were respectful of the fact it was my home too and they were never messy, and indeed contributed a lot in terms of - for example - cooking meals for us.
Neither of the partners would have dreamt of inviting anyone else to stay here. That is beyond rude.

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