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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder about “maybe in another life”

17 replies

MikStone · 14/01/2024 21:00

Light hearted and a bit daft so take it in the spirit intended. Sunday night daydreaming.

So basically when I was around 14 I developed a crush on a singer in a semi famous band. They were in rock magazines etc and did play big festivals but most people would never have heard of them. This crush was intense to the point where I thought about him 24/7. Obsessed. Fascinated - just could not get him out of my head.
Pretty normal for a 14 year old right? Expect it never went away. I’m mid 40s now and have harboured these feelings for him consistently throughout those years. I got married, had kids - never stopped thinking about him. It’s so weird. I met him once when I was in my 20s through work - it didn’t feel like I was “meeting my hero”, it felt like I was meeting someone I knew. He was polite enough and said to me “have we met before” and I said “no”. He seemed confused and said he felt like he knew me from somewhere. (And no I hadn’t been stalking him lol).

Anyway, time moved on as I said, I got married etc but never got over these feelings towards him. Stupid thing is it wasn’t even a physical attraction as such, it was just pure fascination.

NOW … the weird bit - DH has always known I liked this guys music but doesn’t know the rest of it!! So bless him he bought us tickets to go see him last week (he tours as a solo artist now). So we went along. The guy barely broke eye contact with me all night, I wasn’t standing front centre either (small venue), I was standing to a side and he was looking directly at me all night. I thought maybe I was imagining it until DH came and gave me a hug and a kiss (at which point the guy looked away). DH said “it’s like you’re getting your own personal show!” And laughed 😬

It was all so weird. After the gig DH asked if I wanted to stay back and meet the guy, something told me to avoid this and I said no. We left.

Both me and he are now 25 years older than we were when this silliness started - now I find myself wondering what if we were meant to be together? In another life maybe. Or a past life 😂

just to add
1 - I know nothing can ever happen, I’m not seriously thinking we are meant to be together
2 - he’s no longer famous at all, so it’s not a “celebrity crush”
3 - it’s not a physical attraction as such, I can’t even explain it.

Anyone ever had similar?! Anyone believe in “in another life” (when we were both cats?)

OP posts:
Terrrence · 14/01/2024 21:54

It's an interesting situation. There is either something there or you are a bit mad.

Original poster
MikStone · 15/01/2024 16:10

It was just so odd seeing him again after all these years and it all still being there. Maybe I am a bit mad 😂 he definitely seems to think he knows me too though! I’m not saying there is any attraction there (I’m nothing to look at!) but there was definitely something odd about the whole thing

OP posts:
Tel12 · 15/01/2024 16:17

It's possible, but not really likely. He could be responding to your gaze. Went to a London show years back, row C and my friend was convinced that the star was looking at her all night. It was embarrassing, as he clearly wasn't and she was virtually swooning. Not saying this is the same for you though.

NeedToChangeName · 15/01/2024 16:20

Most of us have the odd "I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed with my first love" or similar. I think that's quite normal

Your feelings sound rather obsessive and unhealthy, IMHO

gluggle · 15/01/2024 16:29

Ooh I wonder if he's been thinking about you since you met

Gowlett · 15/01/2024 16:38

Strange one. I remember having these intense crushes, they were all-consuming! With pop stars & with guys IRL. Obsessed is the only word. None of them felt the same…

Recently, I clocked an old flame walking through the city. Wasn’t even a double take, just “oh, there’s John” But he lives in LA… Turns out he’d just had lunch with my sister!

Original poster
MikStone · 15/01/2024 16:44

NeedToChangeName · 15/01/2024 16:20

Most of us have the odd "I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed with my first love" or similar. I think that's quite normal

Your feelings sound rather obsessive and unhealthy, IMHO

Believe me I’ve tried to stop it, I’ve had over 20 years of this, I even bore myself with it. I just don’t know what it is about him as he’s not my type at all (well he maybe was back in the day but not now!) - as I said it’s not even a physical attraction, I don’t know what it is!

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2024 16:48

As kindly as possible I think it’s one thing to feel like this as a teen. When you are married with children it’s odd for it to carry on like this and borderline unhealthy. It sounds as if this guy represents something you feel you lack in your life. I have no doubt that it’s less to do with him as a person and more to do with what he symbolises.

Have you ever had counselling?

CombatLingerie · 15/01/2024 16:49

Maybe you were together in a past life! I remember meeting a work colleague for the first time. We shook hands and I swear a jolt of some sort of ‘energy’ passed into me from him. I was completely overwhelmed. He was a totally unremarkable looking, ordinary bloke. We went onto to have some amazing fun times together. He was the most awesome kisser among other things 😂.

Original poster
MikStone · 15/01/2024 16:53

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2024 16:48

As kindly as possible I think it’s one thing to feel like this as a teen. When you are married with children it’s odd for it to carry on like this and borderline unhealthy. It sounds as if this guy represents something you feel you lack in your life. I have no doubt that it’s less to do with him as a person and more to do with what he symbolises.

Have you ever had counselling?

I’ve often wondered this - I just can’t imagine what he represents - even his lifestyle would be a huge red flag for me in reality 😂 there is nothing about him that I can actually say “that’s what I like” … literally nothing.

OP posts:
Longdarkcloud · 15/01/2024 17:09

Mmm. Very interesting OP. I’ve experienced some things which seem to evade rational explanation so don’t discount your feelings at all.
Is there any possibility of a familiar relationship? Have their been any births out of wedlock or adoptions in the past couple of generations. There can be very strong feelings between people with close blood connections that are mistaken for attraction when couples who are unaware of their relatedness meet. This could extend to a feeling of connectedness through looks/body language.
May be Reincarnation does exist (I would love it to be true). I’ve had what seemed to be a flashback as an adult and my DC related experiences they could not have had knowledge of in early infancy.
Have you been following the Lori Vallow case? Her 5th (I think) husband told her they’d be married before in previous lives so it was apparently ok to have an adulterous affair though they both belonged to a religion which forbade it. Apparently this “ruse” has been used before by other cult leaders.
Life seems full of mysteries including how our memories work, why some often trivial events are lodged and come to mind randomly while more significant ones disappear.

Original poster
MikStone · 15/01/2024 18:01

Longdarkcloud · 15/01/2024 17:09

Mmm. Very interesting OP. I’ve experienced some things which seem to evade rational explanation so don’t discount your feelings at all.
Is there any possibility of a familiar relationship? Have their been any births out of wedlock or adoptions in the past couple of generations. There can be very strong feelings between people with close blood connections that are mistaken for attraction when couples who are unaware of their relatedness meet. This could extend to a feeling of connectedness through looks/body language.
May be Reincarnation does exist (I would love it to be true). I’ve had what seemed to be a flashback as an adult and my DC related experiences they could not have had knowledge of in early infancy.
Have you been following the Lori Vallow case? Her 5th (I think) husband told her they’d be married before in previous lives so it was apparently ok to have an adulterous affair though they both belonged to a religion which forbade it. Apparently this “ruse” has been used before by other cult leaders.
Life seems full of mysteries including how our memories work, why some often trivial events are lodged and come to mind randomly while more significant ones disappear.

We’re from different parts of the country although interestingly I was obsessed with the part of the country that he’s from since I was about 11 years old. I went once and I just felt like I was “home”, I knew where everything was and there was a weird atmosphere for me there. There still is whenever I go. Maybe there is something in this!

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 15/01/2024 18:04

But random but could you be related? I've heard about half/adopted out siblings finding each other indirectly through a sort of "pull".

Edit, cross post with @Longdarkcloud

MaggieNextDoor · 15/01/2024 18:06

I want to know who it is. Mid 40's so not one of the Bay City Rollers. Grin I only thought of them because they're Scottish, then I realised you said different parts of the country, not another country. Hmmm.

Sounds like a lovely daydream to have, thinking you were together in another life, as long as you don't turn into a crazy stalker.

Original poster
MikStone · 15/01/2024 18:10

MaggieNextDoor · 15/01/2024 18:06

I want to know who it is. Mid 40's so not one of the Bay City Rollers. Grin I only thought of them because they're Scottish, then I realised you said different parts of the country, not another country. Hmmm.

Sounds like a lovely daydream to have, thinking you were together in another life, as long as you don't turn into a crazy stalker.

Not as famous as Bay City Rollers 😂

Funny thing is I don’t think we’d even get on! Thats why it’s all so stupid

OP posts:
seafronty · 15/01/2024 18:11

Ah come on. You've got to tell us. I reckon it's Ginger Wildheart.

MaggieNextDoor · 15/01/2024 18:14

Is he a member of Take Fat, the tribute band?

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