To be fuming?

[Peedoff24]

Name changed for privacy but I’ve posted previously about MIL behaviour.

She visits and stays with us every couple of months. We had an issue for many years of her outstaying her welcome with overly long visits. DH spoke to her several times and got her visits down to a more manageable 3 nights at a stretch. It was a bit of a challenge as she tried to push back against it but has stuck to it for the past year.

Cut to her latest visit when the day before we thought she was due to go home she announces that she’s actually booked to stay an additional night. It was clear from the way she told us that she knew it wouldn’t go down well. DH was not happy. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say.

The more I think about it the more angry I get. She knew full well that if she’d asked in advance the answer would have been no hence why she sprung it on us. Despite being annoyed DH would never insist she leave so she got her own way.

The consequence of this is that now I will be reluctant to agree to it next time she wants to visit and will end up putting her off as long as possible.

Sounds like she's trying to slip back into her old ways. Get DH to let her know that she won't be able to come again if she does.

She's actually booked what to stay an additional night?

Yanbu, tell her as she’s leaving that she’s ruined it for herself completely and she can’t come back got the foreseeable; you’ll let her know if and when she can.

Her return travel.

Get your dh to tell her that next time she comes she has to stay in a abnb she books and pays for. She can then visit for a part of the three days but no more and if she chooses to stay extra that’s up to her, but she won’t be seeing you

Why don't you like her?

I would allow one more night. If she wants to stay longer then maybe she should come over less often.

Send her links for local air b&b or hotels for next time

Has she done something to upset you? I love it when my MIL stays, she is great with kids, good company and helps me with bits around the house.

Is she lonely?
why don’t you like her?
what’s wrong with her staying a few days?

DH would never turn her out to a premier inn, she knows this unfortunately.

There were many conversations to get her to accept that 3 night stays were our limit. She used to stay for a week and it just doesn’t work for us for several reasons not least that we both WFH.

Because she does shit like this I imagine!

Can you just work from home with her there and ignore her?

I wouldn’t turf my mother out either.

Why do you dislike her so much? Is she lonely?

Wanting to stay one more night with her family (who clearly dislike her)?
Yea, what a bitch!

Totally!

She disrespects and ignores boundaries and can be pretty selfish. This is just one example.

When staying with people ( even your own child) you do what suits them. If they ask you to stay for 3 nights you don’t cry and guilt trip them, you don’t ignore them and book what you fancy anyway. Which is what she did the first visit after DH spoke to her about shorter visits.

Having anyone here while we are both wfh on frequent video calls is a complete pain. There isn’t the space to avoid interrupting each others calls plus avoid a third person. It’s meant previously that I’ve ended up taking calls sat on the end of my bed which is far from professional looking.

Hence why we asked that she limit the length of her stays to a reasonable 3 nights.

She has a partner and active social life so I don’t think it’s loneliness.

YANBU, I think you would be within your rights to say she can only stay every quarter.

I hope at least DH is the one who cooks for her and washes the sheets etc?

When we lived away from family, we paid for flights to come and visit

1. so they didnt incur extra expense to visit us
2. so I knew when they were leaving

Is this an option for the future @Peedoff24 ?

Are your parents restricted to 3 days visiting every couple of months too?

Honestly, you sound really horrible. Your MIL wants to spend time with her son and his family. Presumably she's not asking to move in or stay with you for months on end. A week seems a far more normal visit than 3 days. Do neither you or DH have offices you can travel to for work if it's hard WfH with her there (although I don't see why her presence stops you WfH tbh).

I'd be the one going to the Premier Inn if she stayed beyond the agreed number of days!

I can see how her presence interrupts your work environment. Could you go to Starbucks for the days she's there?

I'm being devil's advocate here, but I suspect there is far more to this than her adding on an extra night surreptitiously.

I think you have a DH problem.

When I posted previously most people agreed that a week is far too long and that a long weekend was plenty. She only lives a couple of hours train ride away not the other side of the world. She decides how often she comes not us, we only ask that it’s not a week at a time.

My own mother doesn’t stay when we are working either for the record.

The crux of the issue is that DH has explained to her that she is welcome to stay but for 3 nights. Knowing this she has decided she’s staying for 4 nights and that she won’t mention it until the evening before we are expecting her to leave.

I can’t do my work from a coffee shop. I’m on calls dealing with confidential information.

Premier Inn provide WiFi surely? Pack a bag. And a bag of treats and get away op. Leave dh to host her..