My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Am I in the wrong?

6 replies

Lulou67 · 14/01/2024 19:43

I'm really confused and unsure what to do.

I like to cook and lately my oh has taken over as he says he's helping me as I'm unwell...cute right but its actually starting to get to me as I don't see it as helpful anymore and I'm actually starting to see it as a way of control.

I want to cook but I feel bullied out every single time i try. Yesterday I said I wanted to make a curry and asked if he wanted it to. Every suggestion of ingredients he didn't want or didn't like despite having made it that way himself numerous times. We eventually agreed what I was going to do. Que getting home and the usual oh you look tired let me do it, I'll do it the way we agreed.. nope, no ma'am nothing like we had agreed and exactly how he wanted it and always wants it which I don't like so I don't end up eating then get moaned at for being ungrateful. I try and explain the reasons again and I just ignored for the rest of the eve and made to feel like I'm a horrible person.

I've asked him so many times please don't cook my food using butter or oil as I don't like it and it's really unhealthy for me as I do have health issues but he just won't listen to me.

Again today I tried to cook my own food and he pushed me out and insisted he was cooking for me as again "I look tired" and he wants to make things easier for me. I tried to be nice and say thank you but I'd really like to cook but then it turns into an argument so I leave and I end up getting it cooked how he knows I don't like and again soaked and cooked in butter but yhen when I highlight this he starts trying to make me feel bad again for saying something

I'm so tired of having the same conversation and being ignored and im now really unsure what to do as i really am starting to see him as controlling. Hell happily stay in bed all morning and let me get up and do everything for the girls, leisurely take baths whilst im run ragged doing all the laundry, cleaning, hoovering etc and he'll sit around all weekend and evenings on his gaming consoles whilst I do all the cooking and cleaning for the girls and the bedtime routines.

He drives the car because I'm not allowed to do that anymore and he'll use it as a weapon against me about how hard it is for him as he has to do all the driving but that and cooking our food is all he does yet he goes on about how hard his life is and it's really starting ti get me down and I don't know how much more I can take. I can't speak to family so I dont know where else to turn. I'm just really miserable but I'm also terrified of change esp as our 3 girls have mh issues and I don't want them to blame me as he's very good at making them see me as the one in the wrong all the time

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

16 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
13%
You are NOT being unreasonable
88%
ArnieLinson · 14/01/2024 19:46

Youre right, it isnt about helping you.

you need to insist. ‘No, i am cooking. You need to do xy and z instead if you want to contribute.

Snowydaysfaraway · 14/01/2024 19:48

Does he work? Have your tea with your dc before he gets home. I assume your dc having mh problems is connected to living with him...

Genericusername12345 · 14/01/2024 19:49

You are not allowed to drive the car anymore??? 😬Is that because you are ill? It leaves you quite vulnerable and dependant on him.

Lulou67 · 14/01/2024 19:52

Yes due to health so yes dependant on him who has is also getting me now as he makes me feel bad when he has to take me places

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 14/01/2024 19:55

It sounds like there's quite a lot of backstory here. If he refuses to cook your food how you like it at least some of the time, then my advice to you is to batch cook some healthy meals for yourself at the weekends and freeze them. Then, if he refuses to cook suitable low-fat food for you, you get your own food out and microwave it.

He shouldn't be throwing your other health issues back at you. He doesn't sound like a nice supportive partner.

Lulou67 · 14/01/2024 19:56

He does work but not as much as he used to as with the girls issues and mine theres alot of appointments etc and working full time didn't work with the family situation. I have told him To go back full time as he's always complaining since he stopped about how hard his life is but he won't... he's using us as an excuse but I actually think He's too lazy to go back as all he wants to do or cares about is gaming.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.