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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends - lack of emotional support

13 replies

Lizay27 · 14/01/2024 19:39

I am a newly single mum, shouldering on all responsibilities - separated from a useless husband whose input involves taking his son out for an hour everyday and neglecting his teen daughters.

Anyway, since splitting up, ive had a really hard time emotionally and mentally. I have expressed this with my closest friends and told them i could really do with having catch ups, rather than communicate via social media. I used to see them once every 3 weeks, which was good enough for me. But now its once evwry 3 months!

For reference in compaison to me, they are well off, live with their parents (culture thing), are single, have no kids. One has a part time job, the other is umemployed. We all live within a 15min radius.

My attempts to meet up are usually met with i am only free in 6 weeks time. As a full time, working mum, prepared to take my children along on our meet up, i can not for the life of me understand how they cant give an evening or afternoon when they have no responsibilities. However, they are quite happy ro share about how they went elsewhere with others.

I have really needed them and feel so let down. I have not even received a txr or call as a check-in.

In the last 2 years, they have started this new thing - if 1 of 3 of us cannot meet up for whatever reason, the whole meet up gets cancelled! Im usually the eager one to meet, so end up being cancelled on and then the 'available in 6 weeks' begins again.

I mean come on? I spoke to my sister this week and she said she doesnt know why i bother.

Am i being unreasonable - would u check up on ur newly separated friend? Especially after they expressed difficulty coping?

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 14/01/2024 19:41

I don’t think they want to hear it, sorry. Possibly don’t want to meet up with the kids either

SisterMichaelsHabit · 14/01/2024 19:43

They're distancing themselves from you. I'm sorry to say this happens when you become a single parent (or sometimes even if your DH has a job involving working away or deployment). It's absolutely shit but these are not your true friends anymore.

You need to find some new people who like you as you are, care about you, and get where you are in life (and most importantly, want to hang out with you)!

Evaka · 14/01/2024 19:44

Time for new friends OP. Your friends sound young/immature/both and you'll benefit more from people who can relate to what you're going through.

Genericusername12345 · 14/01/2024 19:45

Yeah. They just don’t want to meet up. I agree with your sister.

Summerscoming23 · 14/01/2024 19:46

It's tough,I'm in a similar boat..not the single parent part but only one out of a big group with a child so now it seems nobody wants to meet up! Hard to take in. I'm trying to focus my time on other friends and people in similar circumstances

DivergentTris · 14/01/2024 19:47

I want to think I would. However, there have been times when I have been through the emotional mill, had many stresses and have been pulled from pillar to post and run out of steam and just don't have any more to give. The thing is, people wouldn't know, I appear that things are fine, but they are not and I just need to rest or I just want to switch off and don't want the burden of any more strain.

I doubt it's personal OP, your sister may be right, if they can't give you what you need, respect that and seek it elsewhere, they may be burnt out themselves and just don't have anything left to spare.

equinoxprocess · 14/01/2024 19:48

Maybe you're putting too much on them.

Avacardo2023 · 14/01/2024 19:49

The friendships have run their course. It's not because they don't like you as a person, it's because they can no longer relate to you on any level. Your life is a world apart from theirs and they don't want to meet up to hear your worries and issues. You need to try to widen your social circle to find people in the same situation as you.

Pineapplewaves · 14/01/2024 20:02

You say that you are prepared to take your children on a meet up but if they are all single and childless, why would they be interested in that? Back in the day when I was single and childless that would not have been my idea of fun.

Are you able to get a babysitter and meet them child free? If not, I can see why they are avoiding you.... Unfortunately you have moved on to another stage of life that they haven't reached yet.

ChiIIieB · 14/01/2024 20:32

They might not want to meet with your kids there. What is their relationship like with the kids?

SayBaby · 14/01/2024 20:44

Pineapplewaves · 14/01/2024 20:02

You say that you are prepared to take your children on a meet up but if they are all single and childless, why would they be interested in that? Back in the day when I was single and childless that would not have been my idea of fun.

Are you able to get a babysitter and meet them child free? If not, I can see why they are avoiding you.... Unfortunately you have moved on to another stage of life that they haven't reached yet.

I was going to say that. They probably don't want to hang out with children.

If the other kids are teenagers do they need to go along with you? It's not really enjoyable meeting up with a friend with their kids in tow, if you're childfree.

KnowledgeableMomma · 14/01/2024 21:05

I think they are trying to send you a message, OP. As others have mentioned, bringing kids to your adult-friend meetups is not fun for them. You are at different places in your lives; I'm sure they are also busy, just not the same busy as you. Friend groups shift and move. Time to try to find a new tribe who will be the friends you want/need.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2024 21:09

I think it's possible that you're expecting far too much from them. Life changes and invariably friendships change, especially when one of the friends has kids and the other/s don't.

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