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To ask what you would buy?

6 replies

elworl · 14/01/2024 13:47

I have a family member who in my opinion, is all take take take.

When it comes to my children's birthdays they get either nothing, or a tenner in a card weeks after their birthdays (even though we will have seen them beforehand and immediately around/after the birthday).

Me and my husband get nothing for our birthdays.

Now this person has their own child, they have sent us a specific item they want us to buy for their birthday.

They also do this for their own birthdays and Christmas, we get a wish list.

The item they want us to buy isn't particularly expensive, about £25. However it's really annoying me!!! I don't want to begrudge a child this toy but it just seems off to me. Am I being unfair here? Would you just buy the toy?

OP posts:
elworl · 14/01/2024 13:48

Adding to say I know you don't give to receive but it's very CF to me!

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 14/01/2024 13:57

Try to cut your feelings about the parent out of the equation for a minute.

Are you fond of this child and would like to get them a gift for their birthday? If the answer is yes then the question is whether the gift suggested is what you would like to get them - whether it is the right value and whether you think they will like it.

The parent not bothering with your kids means there is not reciprocal pressure so you can choose to not gift, to put a tenner in a card, to buy the gift selected or buy something of your own choosing.

I like to send my nephews £20 for their birthdays - even though they now work good jobs and have much more disposable income than me. They are still my nephews and I like to send them the cash to have a drink on me on their birthday or whatever. It is also fine for people that choose to stop at 18 years or don't buy for wider family. You just do you.

OrigamiOwls · 14/01/2024 13:58

I wouldn't buy for them any more and if this was questioned by them I'd say that I assumed that we weren't doing presents any more.

elworl · 14/01/2024 14:05

I think the point about cutting my feelings towards the parents out of this. The only reason I don't want to buy it is because of their attitudes as we even get a list of gifts for them.

I don't want the child to miss out so maybe I just need to buy it!

OP posts:
Snowydaysfaraway · 14/01/2024 14:07

Buy something you think the dc will like. The noisier the better imo..

AuntieDolly · 14/01/2024 14:08

Surely it's better to get something the child wants? How many children do you have and how long has she been giving to them?

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