To step down from planning my own birthday

[ASDforthree]

It’s my 30th in March and my husband said two weeks ago he wanted to take me away but has asked me to sort everything as “I’m better at it”.

I surprised him with a trip to New York for his 30th birthday, planned it for two years and put aside money that I could, researched everything, found the best areas to stay etc and wrote an itinerary. I haven’t asked for anything like this in return as that was my choice to do it. I’ve

I’m autistic and planning things and having everything organised to a T is a skill of mine, husband believes he has ADHD but from what I can tell, hasn’t attempted to look into how to book a holiday etc (I sort and book family ones). I’ve tried to get us to look at things together but he just ends up on his phone, or just says everything looks good. I haven’t booked anything as yet as I just feel a bit down about it all now.

Part of me feels like I’m being spoilt and should be grateful for the idea of him wanting to go away, that not everyone gets to go away etc. The other half of me just wanted him to at least try make a bit of effort? I keep trying to say that these things (it’s not just this I have to say which another part of me wonders if it’s become a scapegoat to be sad over. It’s doing appointments, speaking with school, running the house, planning meals etc) are learnt and you have to get started to learn, but it doesn’t change anything.

Our eldest is autistic and has a heap of SEN needs, our other child was diagnosed with autism in October and since then there’s been a bit of strain? I’ve been asking him to do a bit more and there’s always a reason why he can’t and why I’m better at doing it. I just want to feel that someone’s thought about me for a nanosecond. I’ve attempted to talk things over but as before it changes nothing.

Is it me, am I spoilt, would you just book your own? Maybe I’ll just go alone and have a break from everyone 😂

Do you want a good holiday? Then sort it yourself. Insisting your ADHD partner do it is begging for it to be chaotic at best or never actually happen at worst.

If you want him to make more of an effort for you (very reasonable to want that) I suggest this is not the particular situation to choose.

I’d rather have a great trip I organised than a crap one organised by someone else because I can’t afford to waste the time and money on
a poor holiday.

I think your husband should show some willing at least. It is unacceptable that you organise absolutely everything. I would not stand for this.

As an aside, this is the third thread about a 30th event that I have seen in the last few days. On one of the threads people were saying, that they were shocked that people celebrated 30ths and that it was not a ‘thing’. I’m glad that people do still celebrate their 30th, as I did a couple of decades ago.!

ND shouldn’t be a get out of jail. It’s being used so so so often now as an excuse for everything. Your dh is lazy. Plain and simple. Tell him that it is his job to look after you sometimes. And this is one of those times.
I gave plenty notice that I didn’t want to arrange my own celebration anymore. Day came around and ….. nothing. He did nothing. I hope your outcome is better.