To not pay off credit card debt?

[RiceisLife]

I think I have finally accepted my marriage is over and I need to leave for sake of kids and for myself.

I've been reading advice and this phrase "get your ducks in a row" but I'm confused as to the finances

I am the breadwinner in the house as my DH isn't very ambitious. He likes a 10 - 3 type job and doing hobbies. I pay for 80% of everything.

During the nursery years I got myself into about £4k of credit card debt which I pay off a couple of hundred each month. I have opportunity to get a pay rise at work.

Half of me thinks I should go for promotion, pay off the debt, save money and then in 6 months time divorce him when I'm in a stronger position. The other half thinks why would I do that - just start the split with no savings and debt and let a solicitor sort it out. Is that unfair? Dh doesn't know about the debt. He thinks we are better off than we are but he's a very angry/anxious man so I've just managed all finances myself.

I'd start the ball rolling personally. All that can be sorted later on. Feeling happy and at peace in your environment, especially if there are kids in the mix who are feeling it as well is more important than 4 grands worth of debt

Start the split as you are now.

Divorces take a long time. If everyone started when they had their ducks in a row they would be years and years down the line with no divorce completed.

It's all fairly simple to sort when the process has started.

If you have joint finances start by moving half that money into your own personal account. Redirect your salary into your own personal account too. That's always the best place to start as I always see stay at home parents attempting to freeze the other partner out, usually out of fear. It's good for you to get there first.

Does your partner have any idea any of this is coming?

No joint finances. Everything is paid from by my account and he transfers some money monthly, which changed but of course out outgoings don't.

He doesn't know its coming. He knows we aren't very happy and he seems very resentful of me, we have talked marriage counselling and he isnt totally against it. But i would need to find it, book it, pay for it, etc like everything else and I don't really want to do it. But I don't think he thinks I would pull the plug as he thinks only awful women break up their families and he thinks we have the same "family values"

You're right that if I tell him now it could be months before we get to sharing financial info right?

If you're the main breadwinner, then unfortunately the phrase 'get your ducks in a row' isn't actually directed at you, it's at DP. What it means is 'get a full picture of the finances so you know what's there, what's going to be left out of financial disclosure and what's likely to be paid in maintenance.'

In your situation, I don't see any benefit in waiting to pay the debt off however you should seek advice from a solicitor.

Yes, I'm not going to out myself too much but I deal with a lot of divorce cases so I can give you a rough guide on timelines, if nothing else.

I would just leave now and work out the debt after

See a solicitor first and get an idea of how the finances would be split and what the likely issues are. Will one of you stay in the family home or will you sell it and get your own place? What if he refuses to leave? How will custody be decided? Would you be liable for the credit card debt or will it be considered joint debt? Could he claim spousal maintenance from you given you are the main breadwinner?

Getting your ducks in a row absolutely applies to you too! It means understanding the situation you’re in and having a plan in place to deal with the problems that are likely to occur.

Do this before telling him.

I'd speak to a solicitor first. Do you know if he has any debt? You may end up with half responsibility for any debt he's racked up.

Agree 100% with ghostgirl77. Speak to a solicitor first about what will happen when you pull the trigger, before you actually pull it xx