To think he should have tidied up

[Sittingheredoingnothing]

I went out last night. Haven't been for an evening out since last summer. Dh dropped me off and picked me up 3.5 hrs later.
I came home to the exact mess I left the house.
Dishwasher had been emptied by dd but only because I asked her to before I left.
Dinner stuff was still out, food etc, sides needing a wipe down, shoes all over the place, dog toys all over the floor etc etc.
I didn't say anything just went to bed, but I've woken up annoyed by it.
I work pt so have the time to keep the house clean and tidy during the week, which is fine. But he's literally sat for over 3 hrs surrounded by mess and not thought to clear it up, or thought that I might like to come home to a tidy house. I was loading the dishwasher and putting food away before i went to bed.
it's just really pissed me off or am I being petty?

Why had you both left the mess all day? Ie if it was that bad, then surely both of could have had a crack at it before you went out. He probably thought if you couldnt be fucked sorting it before you went, why should he? But even with saying that, I'd probably be a bit annoyed as well 😂

Yes I’d be a bit frustrated but it was Saturday night, I assume he works all week and wanted to relax for the evening. He dropped you off and picked you up (not exactly a mission but he did that for you and interrupted his evening).

Its not the end of the world and if you let things like this annoy you, you’re just wasting your energy. I’d gather than family this morning (kids too) and say “right, time for a Sunday reset, let’s get everything clean and tidy”. Tackle it together, I doubt it would take long and then you can all relax.

To add, we had a visit from mil yesterday so the house was pretty clean and tidy until about 6 (cleaned and tidied by me i might add). I went out at 7

My DH would have sorted the mess but expected me to get a taxi home. I'd have just left it all out overnight so you could both do it in the morning to be honest.

It’s Saturday night and the first 3 hours he’s had to himself on a Saturday evening since summer. Why can’t he just relax too? Guessing there’s a big drip feed here about how he’s always horrible and lazy. But on the info you’ve given I can’t see a major issue.

I wonder if he's kidding himself that Housework Pixies exist......?

I hear you OP. It's like he left it for you to do when you can back because he sees it as your job and not his problem.

All those things are about 10 mins worth of housework - some posters seem to be saying it's a whole evening! Especially as the house was basically tidy because MIL was round.

Food used to make dinner should have been put away while dinner was being prepped. Wiping surfaces takes 30 seconds. Everyone should be straightening up their own shoes. Dog toys take 1 min to gather up.

Does he usually clear up after himself/family or does all thee housework fall to you?

"He's had a long week at work" "first time alone etc" is a load of nonsense, this is basic stuff that no one gets a day off from. I bet he sees it as being your job and therefore would never bother.

I doubt it was a conscious decision to leave it for you unless there’s more behind this?

He didn’t really have all that time either as he dropped off and picked you up.

Exactly. There was literally ring of mess around him. Even screwed up receipts out of his pocket on the sofa. It really doesn't take much

Then talk to him this morning about it. I never understand complaining and harbouring this resentment. Tell him you felt like he was expecting you to do it this morning and that it would have been nice to come back to a tidy house because it’s not your job.

I wouldn't have expected it done unless I had asked if he could do a quick tidy while I'm gone.

It was quite a short time you were gone so he probably just had a relax before picking you up again.

Just do it together this morning. No biggie really.

Does he usually pick up the slack?

I WFH whilst DP does long days in a physical job outside the house. It usually means that I pick up all the housework, admin and majority of the cooking, but I’ll give him credit and say that if I do ever down tools he’ll step up and crack on with whatever needs doing without being asked. I do need to be off duty for more than 3.5 hours though, if it was still like it the following morning only then would he think to do it.

Does he ever do any of the kitchen clearing / front room tidying?

You’re not Cinderella - Go out more OP!

Who made the mess? Who did everything belong to?

He never does it because he never has to. He'll occasionally clear up after dinner but generally 100% falls to me, including shopping, cooking, laundry, admin.
He works ft but in a very undemanding job (he admits that himself) but he does the DIY, gardening etc.
It's always been that way.
I don't start work until later in the morning, so I have the time to do everything. I normally clear up after dinner, put the dishwasher on etc but I was getting ready to go out.
It's just really riled me that it didnt even occur to him!

I here you OP, my husband does the same thing to me like this. I also FT working and paying more on the bills more than him🤣