How much does your 11/12 year old go out?

[googoodoll22]

Ds has just turned 12 and started high school in September. He has struggled a bit with the transition and I would say he's quite young for his age in comparison with some of the kids who he's now at school with who go out a lot, vape, have girlfriends etc.

In comparison ds is quite happy to be at home. He goes to our local park with his mates now and then but doesn't venture into town much where all of the other kids from school hang out. He doesn't seem to want to although I've offered to take him.

I'm fine with this. At just turned 12 I think he's still quite young and wasn't really expecting this sort of independence until he's a bit older anyway. But I worry that he's missing out too. There seems to be a lot of sleepovers and parties that he isn't invited to and he doesn't care (I'm relieved in some ways!) but I wonder if I ought to encourage him to go out more or if this is ok for his age? A couple of the lads he went up to high school with from juniors have joined this 'crowd' and ds doesn't care but I also don't want him to become an outsider.

For balance he plays a lot of sport so he isn't just stuck in alone all the time but socially he just isn't that interested at the moment.

I found a big change between 'just turned 12' and 'just turned 13' in this respect, with DS.

I'd let him find his own way. You say he does sports and things which is great.

Mine goes to the shop and comes home, goes to the park and comes home about 20 mins later. she is 11 year 7 and is happy to be at home. She might be out a bit longer with her stepsister but overall she's home much more than I was at her age.

I wouldnt worry if he is fine and doesnt feel like he is missing out. Maybe he is extremely sensible and doesnt want to be around the "vaping" crowd (such a worry). I am such he will socialise as and when he wants to. As you say he if sporty and he is fine and doesnt feel he is missing out i personally wouldnt worry and i would be relieved.

If I'm being totally honest I'm pleased about it really, I'm happiest when I know where he is. But I don't want him to miss out either.

Mine occasionally meets friends who live on our estate or walks to the local shop with his brother but that’s it. I am relived he’s not hanging out in the park with the vapers and I’ll enjoy it while it lasts!

If he's happy, leave him to sort himself. My 11 year old can go to the local precinct (think supermarket, mc d's and a few other shops) - I wouldn't want him in our main shopping centre. My 16 year old only really ventured there alone/with mates last year (and the first time came back bored as 'all they wanted to do was look at trainers in the shops').

My eldest DS, now 15, almost never went out unless dragged to extra curriculars. He's introverted with a small friendship group.

My DD 11 is the total opposite and is out all the time. If not at extra curricular then she's at the park, Starbucks, swimming etc with her friends and the doorbell goes constantly. Total extrovert and friends with everyone.

I'd definitely avoid the group who are hanging out in the park tbh. Also not my experience that yr7 do much, they play on the xbox and travel in and home again but because they come from far and wide don't tend to meet up. I have suggested I amd he looks at me like I'm mad. I have a Yr 6 boy and a yr7 boy.

Mine are way past that age now, but they went out locally for a hot choc/ice cream, had sleepovers, went to trampoline park, had ‘playdates’, gamed online, cinema, went shopping. Def no vaping or boy/girlfriends or anything like that! Too young to leave at home unsupervised so did reciprocal childcare in holidays.
We live in London and they started going in to the west end around 13.

What are people this age actually doing in town, when hanging out together.

I think he sounds sensible tbh. You shouldn't worry about it. Better to have an activity to do than just hang out.

I think this is a bit of a transition year - they are moving from things being more regimented as primary school children, but not yet used to having and using more independence. I expect in a year's time you may find out he goes out with friends a lot more as they get used to making their own plans and arrangements.

some of the negative comments about "what are they doing in the park/when hanging out?" made me think of a thread on our local facebook group.

OP: Just to warn everyone that there is a group of teenagers on the benches near the children's play park. You might want to avoid

Various posters: What are they doing? Are they vaping? Are they smoking weed? Are they drinking? Being loud and sweary? Are they vandalising the equipment? Terrorising the younger children?

OP: They're sitting there chatting and drinking coffee.

Teenagers get a bad press. Don't assume it's warranted with no evidence.

Area dependent in all honesty. I live in a bit of a dump and I am never comfortable with my 15yo going down to the local park (obviously I don't stop him) but there's often trouble. Bikes/phones being stolen, some lad recently got beaten up by one of the teen girl's older boyfriend, people have heen glassed at the skate park.

I think he’s better off out of it, I don’t get the aimless wandering around with friends stuff, I think it’s odd to have relationships at 12

He sounds like he’s got his head screwed on, he’s into his sports which is a form of socialising and a more useful one. He’s happy in his own company. He sounds centred. I wouldn’t second guess this or question whether he’s missing out. He seems to be far from missing out but actually very happy

He doesn't! Doesn't have (or want) a phone either but I'm about to give him one anyway for when we are out for short periods. He goes to sport things outside of school but there's little time for him to be wondering around shopping centres with his friends. All in good time!

On their own? Never. I have two 11 year olds and they’ve only been to the local park together alone this past summer. They don’t go out with friends alone at all yet.

If he is happy, it is fine.

There is no rush to go out. I look back at the people I was at school with, some of them stayed home a lot. They had friends from a bit later, they went off to uni, they got married, they have happy lives.

Don't worry so long as he is happy with what he is doing. Those who are out a lot are not necessarily happier - there can be a lot of drama.

I could have written this, exactly!