I know this is strange, but could I ask for some advice about toasting? You know, like at the dinner table, with a drink...I recently did my first ever toast and my FIL sort of changed it, and I wondered whether that's normal?
This happened over Christmas and I know this is a ridiculous thing to be obsessing over but it just came into my mind and its one of those times where you can't stop going over this one event in your mind in the middle of the night and can't sleep, so I thought it would be good to get some thoughts from others.
For context my parents brought me up in a religion which meant that we weren't allowed to do toasts. I left religion as a young adult and since then there's been lots of things about normal life that I've had to get used to doing (think Kimmy Schmidt emerging into the world and not having a clue!) and the practice of toasting is one of them. Over the years I've found it hard to get used to...its been funny sometimes because my DP has laughed at me for raising my glass in agreement with toasts but then putting it straight back down again without drinking, having no idea that this is a sign of being rude and that you don't agree with the toast! I simply had no idea, because it just wasn't something that was ever part of my life, it wasn't something that we were allowed to do, therefore I didn't give much thought to it and when I came into the 'real' world I found I didn't know how to do it.
Anyway, so this all means that I'm only just now getting used to how to participate in toasts. Having managed to do that successfully a few times, I decided to try initiating my own a few weeks ago. The context is that my MIL is currently in hospital after undergoing a serious operation in which she nearly died. It's been a really tough time for everyone and obviously we're all relieved that she pulled through and is going to be ok. It did mean that she wasn't home for Christmas so, after visiting her in the afternoon, the rest of the family (me, DP, FIL, BIL) had Christmas dinner without her, for the first time ever...DP took over her usual job of cooking Christmas Dinner and he did a really good job of it and I felt that as we all came together to have dinner, someone should say something...so as we sat down to start eating I decided to do a toast and I said:
'Here's to a lovely Christmas despite the challenges, to DP for cooking an amazing dinner for us, and to MIL still being here'
FIL sort of frowned a bit, sort of like a questioning frown, and looked at me and said 'to MIL's health!!!' sort of in a correcting tone, like he didn't think my wording was appropriate.
I was a bit embarrassed and conceded 'yes, to MIL's health!' and then we all raised our glasses and everyone said 'to MIL's health'...but that wasn't what I had originally said.
When I said 'to MIL still being here' I meant that we're all happy and thankful that she's still alive and we should celebrate that...but the tone FIL used seemed to suggest that he thought I was talking as if she was dying or something and he didn't like it.
I can't help thinking that I did something wrong, or broke some toasting rule that I was completely unaware of (like before with the not drinking)...it was just the way FIL frowned as if he didn't like the wording of my toast and thought it was wrong and then corrected it, and that's when everyone else joined in, and repeated his wording. Its not that I'm bothered about them using my wording specifically, just that I'm worried the fact he corrected it meant that he was offended and it means I've got another thing wrong/embarrassed myself again.
Is it normal for someone to make a toast and then others present at the table to correct it? Did I do the toast wrong/was there something wrong in me saying 'to MIL still being here' ?
I would appreciate thoughts from people who are more experienced in the practice of toasting than I am 😊