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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give lodger a 'final warning'?

31 replies

BoxOfCats · 14/01/2024 02:23

Lodger has been with me for 7 months. In that time, she has twice gone out leaving the window in her bedroom open. This is an issue because:

  • it's ground level and big enough for anyone to climb in if left open
  • it's on the opposite side of the house to the front door, so when I leave the house myself the only way to check if her window has been left open is to either go into her room, or walk around the other side of the house

Both times it has happened I have mentioned it nicely and asked her to please remember to close her windows before leaving.

Yesterday I discovered she has again gone out and left a window open, she said she just left in a rush as she was late for an appointment. Would I be unreasonable to tell her that is it happens again then I will be giving her notice to move out? Twice in 7 months is careless, 3 times just seems too much. Also this is only the 3rd time I've caught it, who knows how many times it's happened!

She is quiet, tidy and mostly keeps to herself. There have been a few other instances of thoughtless behaviour, but I also worry if I replaced her that it could be a lot worse!

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 14/01/2024 02:48

You are right to worry that your lodger could be a lot worse! But she is careless to compromise the security of your home like this so a final warning would not be completely out of order.

78Summer · 14/01/2024 02:50

I think could be worse. She is clearly forgetful. Can you put a note up by the window reminding her to close it. This is what I did for my dad when he kept leaving the hob on. If that fails then I give a final warning and if it happens yet again I would find a new lodger.

Squiggles23 · 14/01/2024 02:55

Is it realistic that someone would climb through? Sounds like it’s round the back of the house? It’s not completely unreasonable but have you tried explaining the reasons? Could you look at putting a catch on the window so it opens partially/can’t be opened fully from the outside?

Hoping you aren’t in the UK given it’s January!

RogueFemale · 14/01/2024 02:56

An open window is also an issue in terms of water ingress if it rains, a far more likely scenario than an intruder, not to mention potential increased central heating bills. YANBU. I'd give her a final warning, and tell her she has to move out if it happens again.

BasiliskStare · 14/01/2024 02:57

I would put a note on the window as a reminder and tell her one more strike and she's out ( with whatever notice required )

She may very well be quiet and clean and tidy but where it comes to aye lads aye , she is compromising the security (& indeed as other Poster said letting rain in etc ) of your house. Or put window catches on as someone said so she can only open the window so far , even so ground floor I wouldn't be terribly happy with a bit of window open - sounds like a jemmying opportunity to me 😊. P.S I am not a burglar but have had neighbours who have been broken into.

KT8282 · 14/01/2024 03:01

Leaving a window open would invalidate your contents insurance so definitely YANBU.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 14/01/2024 03:04

Install a restrictor so it can't be opened all the way.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 14/01/2024 03:12

Is there a straightforward way to lock the window while open? I.e. enough for fresh air but not a person. If she's otherwise a good lodger, it might be worth spending a few pounds to resolve the issue. that way.

Spomsored · 14/01/2024 03:15

She doesn't need a note on or by the window, she needs a reminder she will see when leaving the house! Or next time she does it leave a dirty big footprint on the windowsill. On the inside. (Deny all knowledge of said footprint.)

Myhubbyisasweetheart · 14/01/2024 03:23

Squiggles23 · 14/01/2024 02:55

Is it realistic that someone would climb through? Sounds like it’s round the back of the house? It’s not completely unreasonable but have you tried explaining the reasons? Could you look at putting a catch on the window so it opens partially/can’t be opened fully from the outside?

Hoping you aren’t in the UK given it’s January!

I woke up to a man climbing through my window once - back of home is more common as it's 'out of sight'

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 14/01/2024 03:52

I'd consider putting metal bars on window outside as sounds like this would not interfere with aesthetics of house due to window location

If she's a good lodger in every other way that is worth it's weight in gold. I'd possibly consider asking her to help pay towards this, with a gentle conversation, as she is causing the issue.

We had bars on windows of our house and they a dually looked very nice (were on house already when we bought it)

Original poster
BoxOfCats · 14/01/2024 03:56

It's summer here, although the weather is very changeable so yes rain coming inside is a possibility.

I can't easily put in restrictors, and I don't intend to rent out the room for longer than another year. It will also cost money, which I'm reluctant to spend as the main reason for renting the room is to generate extra cash.

Yes I have explained to her (in a kind way) why the windows shouldn't be left open. She isa nice person, just seems to be forgetful / careless in general, for example a few times had closed the blind over the cat flap so the cats can't get in/out (again I have explained kindly why she shouldn't do it and asked her not to).

OP posts:
Herbiebanannas · 14/01/2024 03:56

Is very simple and inexpensive to put a sensor on the window and a smart lock on the front door, so that you get a notification if you leave the house that the window is open.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/01/2024 04:06

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 14/01/2024 03:52

I'd consider putting metal bars on window outside as sounds like this would not interfere with aesthetics of house due to window location

If she's a good lodger in every other way that is worth it's weight in gold. I'd possibly consider asking her to help pay towards this, with a gentle conversation, as she is causing the issue.

We had bars on windows of our house and they a dually looked very nice (were on house already when we bought it)

Absolutely don't do this. The risk of fire is MUCH more serious than the risk of someone coming in.

Ruminate2much · 14/01/2024 04:37

Some people are genuinely just extremely forgetful, through no fault of their own. Forgetfulness is different from carelessness. I think a clear note on the front door, that she can't miss when she leaves, should sort it. Then eventually it'll become habit. I hope it works out, as she sounds lovely and like a good fit for your household otherwise. Best wishes to you 😊

Whataretheodds · 14/01/2024 06:28

Absolutely you can ask her to leave.

If you like her otherwise as a lodger and would like to be able to keep her then urgently install something that would negate the risk (not a reminder note) - eg bars, restrictions, or lock the window.

mouseychick · 14/01/2024 06:35

I'd give her notice now

Lifestooshort71 · 14/01/2024 06:35

Perhaps you're being too kind when you've talked to her about it? Sounds as though she's a rather complacent lodger and the security aspect hasn't sunk in yet so I'd have a serious, sitting-down talk with her so she understands exactly what will happen if she forgets again.

LlynTegid · 14/01/2024 07:19

If you do, you must have a plan to carry it out and to get a new lodger. An undertaking not a threat.

Marmite27 · 14/01/2024 07:26

2 Pairs Window Restrictors Locks,Aongray Window Restrictor Hook Window for UPVC Stainless Steel 304 Security Lock Child Lock Restrictor Catch Safety Catch with Screws (Silver,2 Pairs) https://amzn.eu/d/a2pK2xK

just add restrictors. It’s £10 for 2 sets. They’re so cheap our window company put them all on our windows for free, when we asked after the initial quote.

Ruminate2much · 14/01/2024 07:27

mouseychick · 14/01/2024 06:35

I'd give her notice now

I wouldn't. As OP says, she could end up with an unsuitable lodger, when, apart from this issue, the current one is otherwise good. I think this is a fixable situation.

Original poster
BoxOfCats · 14/01/2024 07:32

Whataretheodds · 14/01/2024 06:28

Absolutely you can ask her to leave.

If you like her otherwise as a lodger and would like to be able to keep her then urgently install something that would negate the risk (not a reminder note) - eg bars, restrictions, or lock the window.

That's the thing, she's great in some ways as she's quiet and tidy - I barely even notice she's here most of the time. But her general forgetfulness is an issue.

For example, my tumble dryer is behind some folding doors (so the dryer can't be seen when not in use, it's basically like a cupboard) and on two occasions she has closed the doors over the dryer while it's running. I've had to explain this is a fire risk. She has also forgotten to pay her rent on time on a couple of occasions so I've had to chase her.

The incidents aren't terrible in isolation, but the more I think about it, the more I worry she's a bit of a security risk.

OP posts:
Itsallfunngamesuntil · 14/01/2024 07:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/01/2024 04:06

Absolutely don't do this. The risk of fire is MUCH more serious than the risk of someone coming in.

Show quote history

Ours were locable from inside and we just kept key handy for this exact reason

Whataretheodds · 14/01/2024 07:49

BoxOfCats · 14/01/2024 07:32

That's the thing, she's great in some ways as she's quiet and tidy - I barely even notice she's here most of the time. But her general forgetfulness is an issue.

For example, my tumble dryer is behind some folding doors (so the dryer can't be seen when not in use, it's basically like a cupboard) and on two occasions she has closed the doors over the dryer while it's running. I've had to explain this is a fire risk. She has also forgotten to pay her rent on time on a couple of occasions so I've had to chase her.

The incidents aren't terrible in isolation, but the more I think about it, the more I worry she's a bit of a security risk.

Show quote history

You shouldn't have to

  1. write a note to remind her to close windows
  2. write a note to remind her to leave open the doors to the tumble dryer
  3. remind her to pay her rent.

It sounds like you need a final warning chat with her ASAP but it's OK to give her notice to leave without doing that.

heldinadream · 14/01/2024 08:02

Hang on - burglar risk, rain inside risk, fire risk, neglected cats risk and forgets to pay the rent?
She's way more trouble than she's worth. It may be forgetfulness or it maybe she thinks you're a fusspot and nothing you say matters. I must say I'd begin to expect the latter if I were you, she's not taking in anything you say is she? I'd be inclined to give her notice now.