To have told DS to turn his music off?

[wayhomer]

My DS is 18. He has ASD and ADHD but not sure if its relevant.

For the past few weeks he's been playing his music using spotify on his TV, I have no issue with this as long as it isn't too loud and it's at a reasonable time. Sometimes it has been too loud but I've let him get away with it as he's been struggling with his anxiety and mental health. A few days ago he told me he was suicidal again (he's attempted suicide in the past quite a few times).

This evening he has been playing his music loud, we can hear it even outside his room. My younger DS told him to turn it down as he was trying to read and so did me and DP. He ignored us. It got to around 10:15pm and it was time for DS(10) to go to bed so we asked him again to turn it down. He ignored us so I said he either turns it down or it goes off and he can listen to his music on his phone as he has airpods. He refused so I told him to turn it off which led to some back and forth and in the end he did turn it off but was walking around in a mood. Then he put it back on to which DP told him to turn off again. DS said he'd turn it down but DP told him to turn it off as he had his chance to turn it down which led to an argument. I didn't get involved as I would've let him keep it on if he was going to turn it down but maybe I'm too soft. He's now in a mood because he “isn't allowed to do anything”

Was I BU?

No of course not.

No one’s stopping him listening to music, just so loudly it disturbs other people. He could use his headphones, he instead chose to ignore you and then strop. He might be in a mood now but he didn’t give a shit how anyone else was feeling did he.

Why doesn't he want to use headphones/earbuds? Can he use them.or do they affect him? Why does he feel that his needs outrank the rest of the family, do you usually let him do what he wants regardless of others needs?

This OP was written in a strange style.

Just sayin'

He can use earphones and we got him airpods for Christmas that he had asked for after losing his old pair and he has been using them on the way to college and in the car etc but when at home he prefers playing music on his tv or Alexa.

We don't let him do what he wants but I have been letting him get away with playing his music slightly louder as I know he is struggling. But I know I shouldn't have

You told him to turn it down or off. He recused to turn it down. Caused a row. Then your dh turned it off. Reasonable. He had his chance to choose to turn it down and chose instead to have it turned off. With asd, adhd and suicide attempts he needs clear and firm boundaries.

Can you get bass headphones for his tv?

Do you have neighbours, that's more than enough reason to turn it down and you shouldn't have been letting him play it louder than normal in the first place if so.

What is he getting out of the music being louder, is it a sensory thing if so is there a different way to emulate that without the actual music IE if it's vibrations can you buy own of those massaging things instead that vibrate?

I wish someone could turn the volume of my NDNs down! They have friends over, "just talking". Sounds like they are not stopping for breath😡

Sorry to hear about your DS. My eldest wears headphones when at his PC listening to music, or playing his electric guitar 🎸 could you suggest this? I know his MH is fragile but explain that you need rest too, to look after him.