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AIBU?

Friend at work acting odd

26 replies

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 19:47

I have a friend at work who often comes over to my desk for a chat. We have been friends for several years, and when we see each other in the office, we always chat. He was very frank about many issues in his life and generally a nice, supportive work colleague.
We work in a toxic environment and there are generally only three of us there that get on.

We had a family event at work, his wife and kids came over for a short while. While he introduced the kids, but not his wife. A bit odd but ok they were only there shortly.

Since January back in the office he wouldn’t even say hi! Run into him in the kitchen yesterday and he was acting odd and mentioned his family and wife 100 times. Then walked off. WTH.

I guess saying something would make me look crazy, but I feel a tad confused about what’s happened here. Now down to only one friend at work at that dreadful place! Any advice?!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

43 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
28%
You are NOT being unreasonable
72%
Coatscoatscoast · 13/01/2024 19:49

It’s sounds like his wife thinks there’s something going on between or you’re interested in him and has warned him to keep away!

Neriah · 13/01/2024 19:49

I'd say that the wife thinks you are the competition, and it's been made clear she isn't having any of it.

MiIz · 13/01/2024 19:50

Wife's thumb print on his head.

xyz111 · 13/01/2024 20:02

I would just ask "Bob, just wanted to check you're ok as you don't seem yourself lately?"

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 20:14

I don’t know. I hardly saw his wife at the event.

OP posts:
Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 20:15

And no, not interested in my middle aged work colleague…unsure why would she get that vibe

OP posts:
Blomdd · 13/01/2024 20:18

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 20:15

And no, not interested in my middle aged work colleague…unsure why would she get that vibe

How old are you both out of curiosity?

Definitely sounds like she thinks there's something going on. Maybe he likes you and talks about you a lot when he's at home. Guys do this for some bizarre reason!

Genevie82 · 13/01/2024 20:20

Well are you attractive -objectively speaking? Are you single or are you much younger than him? He properly talks about you at home and then she’s clocked you at the work do and it’s triggered something for her. You never know peoples relationship dynamics really but yes sounds like she’s told him to keep his boundaries and that’s what he’s doing albeit in a quite extreme way!

Wowzel · 13/01/2024 20:21

She's annoyed that he didn't introduce her and is now suspicious

Allinadayswork80 · 13/01/2024 20:24

Yeah I’m guessing what the PP’s have said - wife feeling suspicious about your friendship, he’s probably mentioned you at home and it’s sparked something and she’s told him to back off. Shame when it’s an innocent work friendship. I’d prob say something that the PP said “are you ok? You’ve been quiet lately”

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 20:36

We are not young- both middle aged. He never gave any impression of liking me like that. Nor has ever acted inappropriately. I am fine looking.

OP posts:
mouseychick · 13/01/2024 20:39

What's he saying about his wife and kids if he's mentioning them 100 times? Are they ill?

Blomdd · 13/01/2024 20:40

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 20:36

We are not young- both middle aged. He never gave any impression of liking me like that. Nor has ever acted inappropriately. I am fine looking.

Why the comment about not being interested in a middle aged man, if you're middle aged yourself? Again, purely out of curiosity!

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 20:44

Ha ha! I mean I am 10 years younger but still middle aged

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 13/01/2024 20:52

I'd just continue to say hello in passing and let him get on with it. As long as it doesn't effect your work which it sounds like it won't (especially if you still greet each other and stay polite) then who cares. He's just a work colleague not a life long friend. He clearly has an issue, that's on him, not you. Don't get involved in trying to resolve anything between him and his wife.

MillicentRogers · 13/01/2024 20:57

Jealousy, it's always jealousy.

MissersMercer · 13/01/2024 20:58

Most obvious thing in the world I don't understand why you're confused. He is not allowed to speak to you.

LonginesPrime · 13/01/2024 21:04

We work in a toxic environment and there are generally only three of us there that get on.

So he is likely slagging off all his other shitty colleagues to his wife on daily basis, but has only lovely things to say about you and his other work friend at home.

His wife doesn't work there and so can't appreciate the full context, so it sounds like she's got the wrong end of the stick and thinks he fancies you.

takealettermsjones · 13/01/2024 21:11

I read this slightly differently... I'm thinking he does like you, and having you and his wife in the same room made him realise he's been harbouring a crush and he now feels guilty - maybe he realised he was beginning to confide in you too much etc. So now he's doing a massive backpedal. The mentioning his wife and kids loads of times is him making it clear to you he's married and unavailable - and by saying it out loud, he's telling himself too, if that makes sense.

aname1234 · 13/01/2024 21:11

oh dear. maybe invite him and wife to a pub? get to know each other and show you're not in it for him.

otherwise, you just might have to accept it and move on

WHALESURPRISE · 13/01/2024 21:25

takealettermsjones · 13/01/2024 21:11

I read this slightly differently... I'm thinking he does like you, and having you and his wife in the same room made him realise he's been harbouring a crush and he now feels guilty - maybe he realised he was beginning to confide in you too much etc. So now he's doing a massive backpedal. The mentioning his wife and kids loads of times is him making it clear to you he's married and unavailable - and by saying it out loud, he's telling himself too, if that makes sense.

I think it could be this!

Aldi his wife may be familiar with the adage that it's the one woman your husband DOESN'T introduce you to at the office party that you should watch out for

Jamjaris · 13/01/2024 21:27

He has spoke about you at home so many times, his wife knows he is attracted to you and he has gone weird trying to stop himself fancying you

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/01/2024 21:52

Mmm i think he's suffered a bit of 'mentionitis' at home, about you... and his wifes told him to stop talking to you/suggested he has a crush on you/suspects hes up to no good with you.

Only explanation for the weird behaviour, ignoring you and banging on about his wife and kids when he has to talk to you.

Yuioi66 · 13/01/2024 22:10

I talk about him and my other work colleagues at home to my husband as there’s nothing to hide there. We equally work well together, and he has been a great source of support at work. Emotionally as well - but only at work as we face a lot of odd situations at work.
i am surprised as suddenly there’s no contact with me but a lot of contact with our joint colleague. Equally it felt odd that he was going on and on about his family and his wife so much. It felt like he was saying I was unavailable?! talk about my husband and my DC to him and our joint colleague all the time. The whole situation is odd and I probably wouldn’t care if I had more normal people at work to chat to but now I am down to one lovely colleague!

OP posts:
NeatCompactSleeper · 13/01/2024 22:15

Wowzel · 13/01/2024 20:21

She's annoyed that he didn't introduce her and is now suspicious

This is certainly what the OP is hinting at but then goes on to say she doesn't understand?

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