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AIBU?

To hang up my party girl hat?

9 replies

hardlyparishilton · 13/01/2024 17:51

Any former party/IT girls here? I'm wondering when the tides started to turn for you, and how you made peace with it?

I'm 35 this year. I actually do have kids (no partner) but they're either their dad at the weekends.

I've been "known" on the London party scene since I was 18. Everyone in the bars and clubs that I frequent, knows me as the life and soul. I work in media too so it's a big part of the lifestyle,

It's just somehow hit me that I'm completely over it. I thought I'd maybe hang my hat up when I finally met a partner, but it seems to have hit me sooner.

As with every weekend, my friends are off out tonight (mostly younger than me). All I want to do is stay home with a bag of skips and Ted Lasso.

I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to be hungover, I don't want to make conversation with strangers.

It feels a massive step to just stay home though, when I'm usually relied on to be the lynchpin of the social circle.

I've known this was coming for a while but I'm not sure how to come to terms with it.

OP posts:
ChannelyourinnerElsa · 13/01/2024 17:55

Not the party girl, but I was a regular fixture in a national hobby/sport for over a decade.

i stopped two years ago because my DC a were doing something that took all my time and money.

whilst a couple of friends miss me, no one else does. That scene still goes on exactly the same without me as the London party scene will without you. We like to feel important, but most of us are pretty transient through most settings of life.

just stay at home, after a few weekends you will be just a fun memory to many of them, if they remember you at all.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 13/01/2024 17:56

That came over a bit mean- it wasn’t meant to. I just meant that it’s ok to do what you want to do, because other people can and will
please themselves.

FTstepmum · 13/01/2024 18:02

Even though you know you have to hang your hat up, it is a kind of bereavement in some ways.

I was once part of a "scene" and although I couldn't keep up with it anymore, I still had pangs of mourning for it. It took me a good two years to retire from it all.

You'd have to pay me to go on the same kind of nights out now!

You're doing the natural thing by starting to leave it behind.

Don't be surprised if other desires change too.

At 40, I started a new, less "cool" career. My taste in men changed (also less "cool" and more dependable!)

You'll be fine. New things in store for you - embrace them.

StamppotAndGravy · 13/01/2024 18:15

I changed career and city, then took up sport in a big way which fills most of the same social roll as clubbing in a group. I'm much fitter and love not drinking now. I also realise I was a bit of an arsehole when I was drunk and that whilst my friends were fun, they were actually not that nice or good friends really. I kept in touch with the few nice ones. We enjoy a big night out much more now it's only occasional!

WagWoofWalkMeeoow · 13/01/2024 18:42

Look up the poem

'the indispensable man'

TheLogicalSong · 13/01/2024 19:06

Why, if a woman enjoys bars and clubs, is she labelled a 'party girl' but we don't call a man who likes these things a 'party boy'? Not criticising your use of the phrase, OP, just its existence.

Do what feels right, OP. You might feel better for a break and then you could out occasionally rather than as an every-week event.

gluggle · 13/01/2024 19:14

If you're anything like the former party girls I know you'll replace it with something else...one has become absolutely obsessive about fitness for example, another has gone into local politics.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/01/2024 20:48

If it's no longer your scene and you stopped enjoying it then you are jut growing up and interests change. I used to love going out, chatting to randos, getting pissed/ high, having some sort of funny/ embarrassing adventure etc.
But yeah, the shine goes off a bit after many years.
I would try and arrange daytime meet ups with friends at weekends. A lot may be too hungover to attend but you will find people who have also been thinking about slowing down the pace. Health wise, drinking even moderately on a regular is damaging to your liver, and it's never to late to stop or cut down.
Don't ban yourself from nights out completely, just think about the ones you want to attend that you will really get something out of (other than a hangover and a big bill!). Your friendships might change a bit as your lifestyle/ hobbies do but there's nothing wrong with that and nothing to lose at all. It sounds like you loved socialising, so just find ways to do it that are less hectic. And do not feel guilty about wanting to spend time alone with your fave shows and snacks!

DryIce · 13/01/2024 20:55

I've never been a glamorous IT girl, but was out most nights from about 15-early 30s. I did love it , but was pretty over the sameyness of it towards the end. I distinctly remember a conversation with a group in a glitzy bar and jist suddenly being like...I don't care what you have to say! I'm not really close to any of you, why am I here drinking and talking rubbish?!

I remember the first Saturday I stayed in with no plans, i felt like I couldn't tell anyone of my shame. I also started wanting a bigger house once I saw it more than a few hours a day!

Even more boringly, children did it for me - I have no family here and we both work so it takes quite a bit of my time. I would love to find something else to replace it with now they're a bit older. I don't have the fun stories I did, but I'm definitely more content now I think

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