Do people really change for new partners?

[somenotes]

Months ago I was snooping on STBXH socials. He's in a relationship with a woman he values? and not the one he cheated with. When they first got together with new woman he changed his profile picture to theirs. Unfortunately, a few weeks later they broke up and he proceeded to post a ton of quotes indicating he's hurting. This is something he didn't do when our 6-year marriage ended.

They got back together after a 4-month break and he immediately deleted his SM. And 6 months in, he is still standing strong. I presume she asked him to get rid off the accounts.

I'm very surprised by his behaviour because we never had each other on SM. He was generally a bad husband (cheating, lying, ghosting etc. typical narcissist) and father. He chooses to have very minimal contact with DC and only visits about twice a year.

I don't think people can change in short months but maybe he has?

I don't think they do, definitely in not such a short time.

XH has just got engaged to the woman he cheated on me for. I certainly don't wish her well. I know he'll rain the shit on her that he rained on me for years when they get past the infatuation period. And I hope she gives him hell for it. Neither deserve happiness after the awful way they both behaved.

One bloke I know who has a misogynist streak a mile wide really liked one woman. But she was seeing someone else and then not interested in dating.

So he had a couple of other relationships and treated them pretty poorly.

He's now the perfect partner to the first woman.

He hasn't changed, he just treated some women poorly because they weren't "the one". He could have treated every other woman like that but he didn't.

I was married for 14 years. He hated tea, a mad coffee drinker and allergic to cats that I was never allowed one and my mum had to shut hers in.

He now hates coffee, hasn't touched it since he's been with her and has a cat with his gf who is their baby.

Not sure where his allergies went 🤔

I absolutely think people can change, but that doesn't mean your ex has.

My last relationship was fairly dysfunctional all round and I don't really recognise how I behaved back then. Nowadays I'm more confident, have more self-esteem and am generally much happier which is reflected in my behaviour.

I think many people behave differently in different situations - it's normal to react to your environment and how people treat you, after all.

I think this post has illustrated why we like to think people can't change. It seems unfair that people who have wronged us can move on to have happy relationships / lives while we are still reeling from the pain of their actions so we tell ourselves that they won't change and history will repeat.

However in reality life isn't fair and many people are happier with people they cheat with and treat them better than their exes.
It sucks for the people left behind.

Whether he’s changed or not, a father of 2 ducking out of his children’s lives and dodging maintenance is still a shitty person with shitty values and likely his new partner is as awful as he is, so in that sense he may have changed as, as PPs have said, he’s found someone who shares his values and aims in life.

Why would a decent person choose to be with and condone an absent parent not paying for their kids?