How can I help my husband?

[anony24444]

I don’t know how to help him. He’s really stressed with his job and he feels he is drowning. Whatever I am saying he tells me I don’t understand. We are going for coffee soon after dropping kids off to Inlaws for we can talk without them. Please help me I really don’t know what to say or how to act. Just for context and not an excuse I am on the autistic spectrum so I don’t know how to deal with these situations.

Poor chap.

Ask him if he's spoken with his manager.

Has anything changed at work such as colleagues leaving so his workload increased. Would training help.

Maybe he feels it's time to look for another job.

Is there anything else on his mind? Does he have worries about health, parents, kid issue, finances, difficulties in his relationship with you?

Can you do anything to help him switch off when he gets home? Can you make Sunday busy so he's not dwelling on work all day?

Most of all, just listen. Let him talk. Sometimes it's best not to try to solve a Problem, just let them feel heard.

I am not generally in favour of taking time off unnecessarily, but if he is really struggling then maybe he could take some holiday time if he had any owing. Or failing that, self certify and try and get a Drs appointment and get properly signed off for a week or two.

This might give him a bit of breathing space to process everything and calm down enough to have a rational conversation about his job, whether it's time to look for a new one, what changes he might make himself to make it better etc. While he is so stressed, he probably can't think straight.

If he couldn't/wouldn't take a lot of time off, could you cope with the kids for a couple of days if he took himself off to a hotel for a couple of nights? Wouldn't be everyone's choice, but a break from the norm can be beneficial.

I do sympathise, my DH gets very stressed out about his job, to the point it triggers a migraine and he ends up taking time off as he can't get out of bed.

You can't fix things so hear what he has to say without comment.

Just be there for him.

OP within the space of the last three days you have started a few threads about how unhappy you are in life and that you feel stressed at work.

What’s going on here?

Try to resist the urge to solve the problems or give advice. Really listen, ask questions about how this feels for him and let him know you are here for him.

wishing you well

Sometimes active listening without suggesting solutions helps the other person feel better .
Tell him he knows best what the next steps should be and you are there to support and discuss at any point

He needs to take steps eg talk to hr, talk to gp, see a counsellor
You cannot fix his mh but you can urge him to see people who can help
Same for you if this is causing stress for you seek help
Start with gp for both of you separately