Feeling bad for my 5 year old (school related)

[Mashandcarrots]

There are 16 children in my DS’s reception class.
Each Friday they award someone star of the week and they get to take home the class mascot to take photos of what they’ve been doing all weekend and stick into the book.
They didn’t send it home during the Christmas holidays. So there are now 3 children left who haven’t had it, my son is one of them.
I thought he’d get yesterday, but he didn’t. He’s really sad about it and to be honest so am I. The child who got it this week is always getting into trouble and got it because they had a good few days (minus one or two physical incidents with some of the other children).

My son has had 100% attendance since starting in September. He’s academically very able and his parents evening was brilliant. I’ve never been spoken to after school about his behaviour.

I know there’s nothing I can do about it, and someone has to be last. But it makes me a bit sad that he feels overlooked.

Hi OP, I work in year 1/2 and we pull lolly sticks out of a pot with children's names on to see who takes the class bear home. Your teacher may be doing something similar so it's not a conscious choice that your son hasn't been picked yet but just (bad) luck.

YANBU to feel a bit sad.
But on the other hand as he is academically able, he's 'won' at school already.
They often use these rewards to encourage good behaviour, trying etc.
Is he bothered?

Unfortunately he’s learning that life’s not fair. Could you do similar at home with a teddy and a scrap book?

He’ll get his turn! It’s not a bad lesson in waiting.

Someone has to be the last person, he's not being overlooked it's just a tick box exercise to make sure everyone has it at least once. It may seem like a big deal but it genuinely doesn't mean anything. He will get his turn in the next few weeks and have forgotten all about it by February. Don't make a big deal out of what is essentially a pointless 'prize'.

He’ll get his turn, down play it to him, it’s not a genuine prize. I know exactly how you feel. I have one quiet DD and two other complete live-wires and DD seems to be over-looked in school in comparison. She is quiet and behaves well and is good but not amazing academically and teachers just forget about her.

But surely you realise someone has to be last getting their turn?

You're basically saying you want it to be someone else's child and not yours!
Being patient is a valuable life lesson.

Incidentally, the child with behavioural problems may have special needs, or be having issues at home etc
Your child sounds healthy (hence the 100% attendance) and thriving at school, be grateful for that (as I'm sure you are)

Someone has to be last. It’s not unfair; that’s just the way it is. My dc are very able & successful at school but they are also able to understand that different people need different things. They don’t get the stickers or whatever that other kids do for sitting still because sitting still is not hard for them therefore it’s not an achievement or worthy of praise. As long as the stuff that they are putting effort into is recognised - and most importantly they can recognise it for themselves - it’s all good. Intrinsic motivation is a much better skill for life anyway.

They’re obviously saving the best till last!

Someone has to be last. If someone gets a second go without your DS having a first go THEN thats unfair but at the moment nothing unfair has happened yet.

Take it as a compliment. The teacher thinks he is mature enough and the most able kid in the class to cope with being the last one. Someone has to be last and the teacher may strategically work out who will be last.

I bloody hate 'Star of the Week'. My child was exactly the same as yours, OP. Teachers all told us she was absolutely perfect, so she didn't need the same encouragement as some of the other children who were struggling. She didn't get a single certificate until she was in year 4 when we moved her to a different school! It really did affect her and killed her self esteem.

@MummyFriend

Thats what I’m thinking. I don’t want it to affect his self esteem and self confidence.

I know someone has to be last , I just don’t like the whole concept.

You tell him everyone gets a turn and his will come. Show him by modelling your behaviour that it isn't a huge deal and how fun it will be when he gets the bear. Have a talk about what he would like to do when it's his turn and type photos he wants to take.

Children learn by our reactions to situations

At least you know he'll get his turn as they appear to be including all children. If they were randomly choosing only a few children and a naughty kid got picked over mine then I'd be fuming!!

I get it OP, we have star of the week but no mascot thankfully. All my DC have had a mix of the award, Dc2 is well behaved, well ahead of expected learning etc, popular & kind etc but went an entire 18 months without ever receiving the award, It stung. (Same teacher for yr1 &2 & mixed classes). I’ve always tried to explain about taking turns but with DC4 now in reception I’m rather cynical about it. Especially as Dc1 has struggled with school (dyslexia) and received it a few times. Thankfully they ditched it in ks2. Keep him positive, he’ll get it. If not mention it.