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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel guilty

3 replies

Bythefireside · 12/01/2024 20:25

Ongoing issues with husband.

He has anger issues, mental health problems, stomps around complaining, muttering, swearing. When he’s happy we get on well.

Married over 20 years, but his negativity causes a lot of anxiety in the house. One of my daughters is particularly badly affected and I’m sure other kids are too in their own way. He’s also not verbally affectionate and doesn’t say he loves them or hugs them which makes them sad and he can be very moody. When you try to talk to him about it he plays the victim and says what a terrible person he is.

I’ve asked him to stay out in the cabin / office for a while as his anger came to ahead when he was having trouble with his phone. Daughter who rarely leaves her room said she wished she didn’t live here. I know I rarely see her as she avoids her dad which makes me a really sad.

I feel bad as I don’t want to make his mental health issues worse but I have to do something about the effect it has on our home. Feeling very guilty and torn. Please be gentle.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 12/01/2024 20:33

You are not his mum OP, it’s not your responsibility to parent him or fix him. It IS your responsibility to provide a safe loving environment for your children. If you stay with him you are failing them and effecting their mental health for the rest of their lives. It’s time
to leave this guy and be happy with your kids.

mamacorn1 · 12/01/2024 20:35

He needs to move out so he can have space and time to get help and support. You can’t help him, he must help himself.

KnowledgeableMomma · 12/01/2024 20:43

TeaKitten · 12/01/2024 20:33

You are not his mum OP, it’s not your responsibility to parent him or fix him. It IS your responsibility to provide a safe loving environment for your children. If you stay with him you are failing them and effecting their mental health for the rest of their lives. It’s time
to leave this guy and be happy with your kids.

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