Husband may be impotent, or may simply not fancy me anymore?

[CrazyDogLadyMadMama]

I'm 42, DH is 57, we've been together for 16 years and have a DD7.
We have always enjoyed a healthy sex life, but more recently (last couple of years) my DH seems to have lost, and now has zero interest in me, our sex life is bordering on extinction. I do realise that having a young child is going to impact our lives but it isn't even like there is any emotional intimacy as well. I also realise that there is more to marriage than sex.

We have had a few intimate moments recently which ended with him losing his erection before things got started, I was sympathetic towards him but inwardly frustrated as I am literally in the depths of a sexual draught.

I love my DH with all my heart but I honestly aren't ready to resign myself to a non existent sex life.

Do I ask him about potential impotence or do I wait for him to talk to me? Could this be that he has just lost his sexual appetite towards me and no longer finds me desirable?

Anyone with personal experience who can relate?

He’s 57. Lots of people lose interest in sex (women as well as men) at that age or often sooner. It’s normal and due to falling hormone levels which occur naturally with aging.

Can you discuss it with him and if he can't explain his lack of libido and impotence, would he be open to seeing a doctor? He may be low in testosterone.

However if he is happy as he is, and has no interest in sex any longer, then it's up to the pair of you to discuss where you go from here.

Get him to do a finger prick testosterone check. Costs about 30 quid.

Viagra?

My uncle is 80. He's got a new girlfriend and they're at it like rabbits according to my mum.

At 57 it's very possible it's erectile dysfunction and he might need a visit to the GP, or to pop a Viagra. Of course not all men have these problems at 57 (before anyone jumps on me that their DH is 99 and his penis works just fine) but he's definitely around the age where these sorts of things start to crop up.

Just speak to him, ask him if he's stressed or if his libido has lowered. It could be that he's lost his sex drive, he's anxious and that makes it worse, he's depressed, drinking too much alcohol, or maybe it's just good old fashioned "I want to have sex but it's going soft and the more I stress about it the worse it gets each time."

It more complicated that you sometimes imagine. He may be (will be?) embarrassed so may not talk to you about it so it would mean you talking to him initially though he still may not be inclined to want a conversation. Some men can be turned on even if they have no errection and may not even be aware of it going though that doesn't sound like this is what you're saying. Some men can still get a good errection in their 50's. Some don't. Maybe if he won't engage in conversation he would go to a pharmacist or his GP but you'll probably never know unless you ask.

I have zero interest in sex so its not just men.

What is he like other than sex?

Is there other intimacy in terms of affection? How is your relationship otherwise?

ED can happen for a number of reasons, I wouldn't automatically assume it's down to you.

Discuss it with him. My exH suffered the same, for him it was a medical reason that started it then anxiety made it worse.

.