I don't want to socialise with my workmates - AIBUU?

[lunarleap]

I did the Christmas party. I just can't be bothered to go out with them every other Friday. Or at all. I don't drink. I don't have the money. I have a small child I'd rather spend the time with. I just wish they would take NO for an answer!

Nothing wrong with saying no. You’ve got a good excuse anyway having a child

I almost never socialise with work colleagues for various reasons.

They soon get used to your preferences and it ceases to become an issue.

They probably just want to ensure you're included but you can just say no?

Its been 2 years . I keep saying no. They keep pushing it

I think going to the Christmas party and then going out for a drink with them every once in a blue moon would be ... prudent.

Have you TOLD them you don't drink, can't afford it, have a child, etc?

They don't like no. They like to say oh go on..

Yes. They say get your husband to give you a night off. And just have 1 or come for the food.

So keep.politely declining, then redirect the conversation. It's a war of attrition, as they can't physically make you go, you've won.

Yeah it's just boring doing it every time! I shall persevere

Perfectly within your rights to say no thanks.

Just don't go getting upset if they become a clique and you're the odd one out. Unfortunately it's not possible to have it both ways.

Personally the odd drink/meal every now and again goes a long way to building team relationships. Maybe invite them over to yours for a meal if going out is an issue.

Just keep saying no and then joke I’m anti social.
I don’t socialise with work, I’m too old to care if it looks bad. I did my socialising years and now I just look at work as paying my bills end of

I really like all my colleagues but I absolutely hate any kind of work functions plus my DH is quite unwell and I'd rather not leave him any more than necessary. All my colleagues except one understand this, I am always invited and they accept my refusal except one woman who will go on about how I will enjoy it when I get there and that I could do with a break.
Now if she starts I just say "no I don't want to", I don't get into the reasons with her. It won't be long before I tell her to just give it a fucking rest.

I've been saying no for 12 years. Hasn't worked yet.

You're not alone. The last thing I want to do is spend the evening in a noisy pub which is what most of my colleagues prefer. They've just got used to me saying no and they joke now I guess you'll have a headache.

A team building event with my team was mentioned the other day and I just mentally though 'no'.

I'd rather spend time with the kids

I like my colleagues. Some of them
are also good friends. We are a sociable bunch and love to get together. However as we all have busy lives and stuff going on the most we manage is every couple of months. 6 times a year or so including Christmas. It's plenty, even for people I really like. I don't see my best mate every other week! I don't even go out with my husband that often. I would go every now and again but twice a month would be too much...

At least they like you enough to keep inviting you, they might feel awkward if the stopped asking you now after doing it for so long……it is annoying though

There comes a point where you may have to say that any further request is harassing you. Extreme I know, but your feelings seem to make that a valid option.

One of the benefits of hybrid working and especially working from home is that not taking part in work socialising is a lot easier.

You don't need an excuse, OP, just politely say "no, thank you" every tine they ask.
Colleagues are just people in the same job, there's absolutely no reason to see them outside of work. The few colleagues I have genuinely become friends with, I will see separately and still do - sometimes decades later. But most of them are forgettable, and the only thing we might have in common is work.

Im lucky that all my colleagues are 40/50something and have lots of other stuff going on so socialising doesn’t really happen other than an optional weekly lunch out

we manage the Christmas do and that’s about it

Just say you don't have childcare and can't go.

Or that you don't want to because you like your child and DH and want to spend the time with them instead!

I like my workmates but every two weeks would be too much for me so I understand your problem. The only thing is once your DC's older you might fancy a night out so I wouldn't burn your bridges with them, maybe tell them it's a No for now but a couple of years down the line you'll reconsider?

I don't really care if they are a clique. I'm above all that I just go in do my work go home.

Sorry, childcare. Husband works late

I haven't socialised with colleagues in 20 years. I prefer to keep relationships with colleagues strictly at the workplace.