What to do now we’ve discovered the Phantom

[PhantomDetective]

We have a phantom shitter in our workplace.

We only have one staff loo in our department. I am usually the first to get in.

There is someone in another department who obviously comes in earlier than me and uses our toilet for their morning poo. They stink it out, leave skids etc.. and we have to call the cleaner in before we even start our working day. Even the cleaner laughs he’s on standby for the phantom now.

after a lot of detective work, have now worked out worked out who it is

our passive aggressive poem/poster that we put in there has been ignored and was deemed unprofessional so we had to take it down.

what can we do now? Round robin seems a bit ridiculous?

I know he could have a condition but even so, clean your own skids!

Can the door be locked overnight?

So they aren't using their own department's loo but coming round to use yours early? and in a grim state

If you are absolutely sure you know who it is, I would be tempted to leave a note on the door overnight, just the once, from all in your department, naming them (please Bob/Betty....) and asking them to use their own loo and leave it how they found it as it's not pleasant for you all and the cleaner is fed up of having to reclean in again first thing - or words to that effect.

Is there a loo brush in there?

Yes of course there is!

A quiet word by one of you in their ear so nobody overhears. Then you can all back each other up and deny anyone said anything. Or you take turns to go in early and lock yourself in the loo, when the phantom turns up and rattles the door open it and tell them to go and use the loo in heir own department. Make sure you embarrass them.

Do this. Before you leave work this evening, pop a note on the back of the door saying, 'Bob, please clean up your skids after you've done your morning shit. We're sick of doing it for you. Cheers mate'.

But if you do leave a note naming them you need to be absolutely 100% sure that it is actually that person. You don’t want a grievance raised against!

We had someone at my old office who used to smear shit on the walls, and we never did find out who it was.