To feel sad my son prefers daddy?

[bringon2024]

So I have 2 boys ages 5 and 3 . Older one is a proper mummy's boy but younger one is totally for daddy and it makes me sad. Last night younger was unwell and came into my bed crying etc but as soon as daddy arrived he calmed down
In general he always wants daddy to do everything

Now I know I'll get replies saying daddy is a novelty cos he doesn't see him as much but actually that's not the case here as he sees us both the same amount of time

Why do I feel so rubbish they he seemingly prefers daddy? Obvs I'm happy for him that him and daddy are so close but it makes me feel a bit rubbish. Even tho he's only 3

Can anyone relate

So the older one is a mummy’s boy, but you’re upset that the other is a daddy’s boy. So you want the attention of them both. That’s a bit unfair, but totally normal. Be glad that one likes you!

I know it's unfair to think that way I can't help it tho

Also surely I want the love of both my children not just one

These things change. One of my first memories is me telling my mum that "I love daddy more than you" when I was about 4 or 5. As I got older that wasn't really the case! For whatever reason your son adores his daddy now but I'm sure he'll appreciate you more in the future. Try not to take it personally (hard I know!)

Ours switch allegiance quite often. It's not permanent and doesn't mean anything really.

Normally if one child has a phase of preferring me, the others all join in as if fighting over a toy. Your situation is better than that 😉

He does love you.
I mean surely you don't think your Mummy's boy doesn't love his dad.

So does their father

Remember that small DC are changeable, and behaviour and preference patterns will zig zag all over the place over the years.

If you find yourself feeling rubbish about something so normal, it might help if you note that you're thinking that again, that it's just your thought (not the actual reality), and that you can let that (unhelpful) thought go. And then deliberately turn your mind to some thing else.

Please don’t do this. It is not fair to your children.

Of course he loves you. Thinking he doesn’t just because he “prefers” his dad is an awful way of thinking and not a message you want to pass on.

My DS is 10. He openly said to me just this week that he loves us both but loves his Dad a tiny bit more!

I mean I can't say I loved hearing that but I'm not sure it really matters in any material way. I know he loves me. And whilst families work in different ways, I've always been pleased that DS seems to be equally happy to be with either one of us, even since he was really young. I dont think 'Mum' always has to be default parent and the fact you're not in this situation could actually be a good indicator that your family set up is working and positive.

It's just a phase op

Thanks guys

Yes, YABU

One prefers you and I bet you aren't trying to force that one to "love Daddy too"

My 2yo definitely prefers Dad and has for a while. I suspect it’s multifactorial (not anything I have done wrong though) and I just try to look at it as I’m grateful he has a wonderful Dad who plays with him and loves him. Probably one day he’ll flip flop and prefer me, then back again. It’s hard feeling like the ‘crap’ parent because your child seemingly prefers the other one but it’s nothing personal!

It's not a competition. Kids go through phases where they have a preference for one parent or the other, but what you can't do is turn it into a thing and start trying to force anything.

@SkulkHollow where on earth did I say I was forcing anything? Hmm. I didn't say that did i ? Rudeness at its finest

They literally said you can't try to force thing not thst you are.

I have the who prefer me, it gets old real quick.

Does he get chance to be 121 with you of his older bro is a mommy's boy or is his brother always in your lap, holding your hand, getting your attention?

I never get these posts and they seem to be constantly on here. So it would be ok if they preferred you? How would your DH feel about that? Or is it just you that should be the centre of attention?

How selfish, I feel sorry for their father.

It's your job to love them - it isn't their job to love you. I know that sounds harsh but it's the reality of being a decent parent who doesn't leave your child(ren) with issues that need therapy and affect their own relationships in adulthood.

I have the same, 2 boys and the eldest is a total mummy’s boy, youngest is constantly asking for daddy at bedtime at the moment. I wonder if it’s because with the first they get your undivided attention and with the second it’s divided out a lot more? I try and be happy for my DH - but it does feel strange when I’m so used to being the one my eldest always wanted.

I don’t know why you’re taking it to mean they don’t both love you though? This type of thinking might lead to you guilt tripping your kids (you don’t love me etc) so try not to think in this way. They love you equally even if they have phases of preferring one parent for certain things.

@Peaceandquietandacuppa finally someone can relate! And yes possibly what u said as it does make sense

Weird to only pick one person as "finally getting it" when they're saying the same as others.

Edit: missed the post where they said they feel the same. But then... others have also said that too