To straight forwardly ask what he's looking for with dating?

[KeiraKnightley2]

I've been on a couple dates with a guy I met through a hobby. He's a good guy, hard working and kind.

Christmas hols interrupted our date flow and a week ago he tells me he's flat out at work until Monday. In the meantime, he's contacted me every day (or close to it). Short calls or engaging messages, always asking questions and keeping it going.

The first two dates he planned way ahead of time. He hasn't mentioned concrete plans for a third date and as tomorrow's Friday and my schedule is filling up, I'm getting antsy. In today's messages he talked about an upcoming work trip in Canada next month - ie, I won't be around. Still nothing about meeting.

I worry that im wasting my own time and that he's actually looking for something casual despite initially saying long term.

So do I just ask him out one more time for next week? Or do I cut through that and say 'look I know we never really talked about what we're each looking from dating but I want X, what are you looking for?'

We last met a month ago.

I always ask on the first date.

Yes just ask. More often than not I am asked before the first date so it’s not an unusual Q! ☺️

I mean my options are

1. just ask him out generally and then if he says yes ask him face to face

2. cut the crap now and if he says 'casual actually' I've spared some time ?

I also haven't explicitly told him what I want.

I decided id do it on third date but with nothing on the horizon...

Go for number 2.

Yeah I’d def message to ask before arranging the next date, no point if you’re on different pages.

I'd say - you seem very busy. Do you want to meet again or do you want to leave things for now?

If his answer is a bit casual and flaky then you know he's wanting to keep his options open, and you can just move on as that's not what you want.

This

Ok, I'm just going to ask. Because I have a feeling that he wants to keep me around (not in a bad way) but without committing much right now.

We've known each other for quite a while and I think he'll give an honest answer if he's hsd a change of heart

The old me would have kept seeing him, not really wanting to know. The new me values her mental health too much 🙂

Of course it's okay, reasonable and normal to ask.

Good idea. Ask and don’t be mollified with a half arsed answer full of vague promises.

I won't be @TheSlantedOwl

I recently turned 32 and I'm past messing about stage now. I know who I am and what I want.

Id love to go out again. But if he is wishy washy, or even says he's changed his mind, I think we'll be able to go back to being friends after some time passes (maybe).

You can ask. Doesn’t mean they’ll answer honestly. Deeds not words.

I tend to think of it this way.

When you ask someone clearly and fairly what they're looking for, you learn two things.

Firstly, the way they react will show whether they're someone who's open to and can engage in good, clear communication.
If they can't, then they're not right for you.

Secondly, whether they want the same thing as you.

You need both. And asking like this is a great way to find out! Even if he did want the same thing as you, if he turns out to be the kind of man who takes issue with you asking, it's a sign that you should decide he isn't the sort of person you want to be with!