To keep thinking, one more month?

[Babyyet]

DH and I got married about six months ago.
We want to start a family and for a long time it’s all we have spoken about but with every new month and cycle I get doubts creeping into my mind, wondering if we will manage and if we should wait or not.

We are still in our twenties and have a secure foundation for a child and feel we could provide them everything. I suppose my doubts are more the selfish ones. I keep thinking I want one more month of weekend lie ins, one more month of enjoying working and just doing my own thing on my own schedule. One more month of savings behind me. A few more chances to go out for drinks with my husband. We have only been together 5 years and I don’t know if this is long or not, in relation to then starting a family

Despite all this I still manage to be so broody and feel briefly sad whenever my period arrives. I know trying could take a while, but it also might happen straightaway. It’s important for us that we don’t put it off for too long as my parents are nearly in their 60s and in laws mid sixties. It is so difficult and draining to feel so conflicted about this!

The extra month won't make a difference either way in the long run. I don't think you can ever feel truly ready as it's such a huge thing. I was 38 and we had been together 5 years when we decided to try having a baby. All the literature I read suggested it could take ages and I remember hoping it would take around 6 months, so not toooo long but long enough to get my head around it. In the end it happened immediately and I no longer care about any missed lie-ins or drinks. My husband really struggled with my pregnancy as he also thought it would take a while so was absolutely shell-shocked for the whole of the pregnancy, so make sure you support each other.

Thanks for your insight! It makes sense that he felt that way. There is no way of knowing I guess

Anyone?

On the other side, it took us 6 years and more than one round of IVF to conceive. If you’re ready, don’t put it off - I hope you’ll be lucky and it’s easy but plenty of people aren’t. Same as others, life is very different now but I don’t miss the lie ins and drinks etc because having this little toddler is just insanely amazing every day!

What side of 25 are you op?

So many things can prevent a quick pregnancy, but then others find it super easy so you'll just never know.

We got pregnant the first month, but then suffered a miscarriage at 20 weeks. Then got pregnant 5 months later (one month after starting trying again) and had our baby at 32.

Where we used to live all the school parents were our age, where we live now there are lots of grandparents the same age as us!!

There’s nothing selfish about not wanting a baby, or not wanting one yet.

But it sounds like you do want one. You’re probably just nervous.

Take your time, you can’t unparent and I would not be factoring in the age of your parents and parents in law. 60s is not old. If you’re having doubts, wait. I was married for 4 years before trying and they were great years. Oh and I got pregnant the second month of stopping prevention.

If still in your twenties I’d make the most of freedom for a bit longer if that’s how you’re feeling! And definitely discuss with your husband if you haven’t already. Kids are great but you’ll never not be a parent again once you have them if that makes sense!

I was very broody mid 20s then my friends had a baby and the reality stopped the feeling in its tracks for a few years.

There’s no rush really OP. Maybe if you want to start TTC soon agree to wait and have a holiday or blow out on your first wedding anniversary and then start? Gives you a good few months to just not think about it but isn’t so far away that you’ll worry about missing out. I don’t think anyone feels totally ready once the reality hits though. I NEW I wanted to be pregnant, still thought wtf have I done when I got that positive test though.

Give it one more year. You are in your 20s and only been married 6 months. Enjoy at least a year of it being about just the 2 of you as you will ever get this time back.

Babies change your life…forever. You aren’t ready yet- no rush.

Me and my DH were together 11 years before we had our DD age 30. I'm pleased with the age I had her - had grown bored of lie ins. Best thing I've done :)

I think saying one more month over and over is what’s messing with your brain. Give yourself a proper run up eg a year to enjoy yourselves before you revisit the idea. Then reflect if you are ready then.

thags what I would (currently early 30s with 2 DC, first born when I was 30)

It is very early days imo and given what you say you’re not ready yet. For me my 20’s was the time for holidays, spur of the moment weekends away, shopping splurge trips, spa days etc. Not sure why your parents ages are relevant at all though!

Just stop contraception and see what happens. There is never a right time.

🤣 my sister had 5 kids throughout my 20's and I was adamant I was never having any. Now I've got a 15mo at 37😆

Obviously it's completely your choice but you've only been married 6 months. I'd really give yourself more time to enjoy married life, aand re evaluate somewhere down the line. Just do things you might not see yourself doing when you have a baby. I had my daughter at 21 it was hard but she's nearly 11 now so I'm seeing the benefits. Hopefully in a few years she will be picking me up from my nights out lol x

Nobody can answer this for you really, its a very personal choice! However, as you're only I your 20's I'd say you have plenty of time on your side. So if you're questioning it now I'd wait a little longer.

Been with my partner 4.5 years and waited until summer last year to TTC (currently 22 weeks gone) as we didn't want to rush into it (I'm 39 BTW).

How old are you? I’d wait a bit longer as it sounds like you’re not quite ready in your mind