that my DS new nursery school wont ........

[crapmomonMN]

wipe his bum if he goes to the loo. DS is just 3 and starts nursery after easter break. He cannot reach his bum properly much less wipe it. Just annoyed that if he does go whilst there then he will be sat in s* until I collect him. This could be three hours if he goes first thing. They are all CRB checked so whats the problem - anyone know?????

If it is a school nursery I think it is pretty standard. Ds is happy to wipe his own but doesn't do a great job he told me the other day that he likes keeping his poos in his bottom and saving them for when he gets home.

I don't know of the reason why staff don't wipe them once they are at school nursery maybe they just don't want to. Can't say I blame them tbh, I have to hold my breath if I wipe any other childrens.

I have never heard of this at a Nursery but my DS is only 2.8 so perhaps this is still to come from his nursery.

I can understand why they won't wipe their bums at School though.

My DD's nursery was a bit like this - she soon got the hang of it!

it's becuase it's a school nursery and they are not supposed to attend until they are potty trained i think..... oops so that gives me the rest of the year to convince dd that she needs to use the potty

i suppose that if you think about the number of kids there are compared to teachers or whatever they are called these days they would just be in the loo all the time with the kids

Yeah mustsleep I kind of get that but they specifically asked if he needed help at the toilet and I said he can go on his own but not do his bum. Anyway any ideas on how to get him to wipe it - dont really want to go in from the front could end up in a worse mess!! Maybe TMI - i guess I will figrue it or he will be smelly for a while

Princesso. I'm sure you're already doing this, but do try to encourage him to go at pre-school. My DS got in a bad habit of holding it in and then not going when he needed to. With foul effect on his behaviour, and my temper. All because nursery put TV on after lunch which was his natural time for going. He didn't want to miss the TV, so held it in. He's now 7 and I still have to bribe him sometimes.

Nurseries are no longer allowed to insist children are potty trained. They have to meet all of a child's needs and that includes any help with toileting or even changing their nappies. They can by all means encourage children to be independent, and so should parents, but refusing to help them is not on.

I have known social services and Ofsted come down very heavily on nurseries that still apply these policies.

I think I should clarify I dont mean a nursery as in a every day morning school paid for by government funds - next step reception class do those rules still apply ecoworrier

does a private nursery then, not paid for by government funds, provide a better service then??

Dd1, 4.2 years attends a private nursery and I understand that the children go to the toilet independently (toilet is within sight and sound of their main room). They call for help if they want to have their bottoms wiped, there is no problem with this, the staff go and help. Dd made her own choice a couple of months ago to learn how to do it herself. (she did this with a lot of things "now I am 4 and grown up!")

Teaching this skill is messy (for a week or 2 ime), in the short term it is easier to do it yourself, as (sorry if tmi) in the early days they can get poo on hands etc. I am extrememly strict about handwashing now, always was but am particularly vigilant now.

No just thought people might think he was in a creche sort of setting that will wipe childrens bums when I actually meant a nursery with the next stage being school. Everyone calls it different things so was just clarifying!

Just read my rubbish typing above - I DO mean an everyday nursery which is government funded - arrggh!!

please see this thread which preceeded your post by a number of weeks

it is to do with PSHE by the way

they are not supposed to touch private parts of pre-school children .. it is a 'safeguarding' issue

of course they will help when obvious signs of distress

but there is no reason that a toilet trained 3 year old (NT / no SN) can't wipe his own bottom apart form his parent not teaching him to do so.

Anyway the chances of him needing a poo in the 2.5 hours of pre-school are probably quite slim

thanks for that - he does try - maybe he is sitting on the loo wrong cos i can assure you after todays performance he cannot reach!!! or maybe I really am a sucker !

Ds1 has 4 poos every morning. [proud]

lol at Twig's old thread, missed that at the time.

Ds (4) is v. good at wiping. So I was horrified when one of his friends who was playing at our house called me to wipe her bum. Eeek. Your own child is one thing... (I did help her, of course, but with suppressed gagging.)

Not met my DS than - chances of him needing a poo in the 3 hours are nailed on - although I cant see he would be distressed he would try and pull up his pants and get on with life - Its me and the poo pants i am worried about - I must be a really crap mom not to have taught him this by now though eh! by the way whats NT/SN

If you can imagine how many children are in the nursery, then imagine having to wipe arse after arse! Any takers? I can do my dd's bum, but can't stand doing other people's babies. It makes me gag.

I understand that it must be a bit frustrating seeing your ds come home from nursery only to find that you have to clean him up. I suppose the only thing you can do is make sure he's cleaned up or has a bath every night etc to make sure his bum doesn't get sore. Also try and teach him to wipe himself as best you can.

It would annoy me, but at the same time the people at the nursery will be rushed off their feet as it is watching all the children, without needing to do bum checks too.

you're not a crap mum at all. I don't know many parents who's eldest is 3 who thinks they're big enough to do this, but they are

so when they say 'I can't' or 'my arms are too short' you look at them and think how diddy they are .. well they're in proportion (arms/body) to adults ... you go round the side and to the back when wiping sitting down .. they just don't want to do it

you can teach them, if you want to

NT = neurotypical (ie no mental disability / disadvantage)
SN = special needs (vast range of mental / physical difficulties / disabilities)

Have much sympathy for you, my DS is still working on pulling up his trousers! Just encourage him to try, but make sure he knows to ask if he really needs help,has got in a mess etc. If he needs to be cleaned up, of course they still have to do it, or else to phone you. Good luck.

Would he find it easier to wipe standing up? That's what my dds do. DD2 is not yet 3 and wipes her own bum - still needs help to wash her hands properly, though.

I work in a sports center creche,we take chilren to the toilet stand outside the door and call to them to make sure they are ok and remember to wipe,we do help wash hands but would not wipe,as Twiglett said its more of a PSHE issue than not wanting or being willing to do so.

At our nursery (attatched to the school) they will (because they have to) take children still in nappies, BUT if they poo we have to go in and change them. When dd first started she was only just potty trained and I was talking to the nursery about it. They are allowed to ask you to come in to change them and this one does because of the mountain of paper work that goes along with them being allowed to do it for you. Now dd's nursery are by no means a lazy hands off nursery so it must be bad if they won't do it.

Thanks everyone I just never thought of getting him to try it as I thought he was too young. He has done it himself today (not very well) but you are right - he can reach and he will get there - just hope it doesnt take more than 2 weeks or I may be called into nursery daily!

Glad you like your shoes trockodile