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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be in the mood for sex 3 months after having ds2?

17 replies

pinacoladaonthebeach · 18/03/2008 12:01

my otherwise lovely dh has been wanting nookie ever since our ds was born, he was feeling deprived and didn't fancy my pregnant body. i'm still exhausted with new babe a toddler to look after and basically don't feel like at all. how can i meet everybody's needs? when if ever will i want to have sex again?

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 18/03/2008 12:11

i dont think yabu i didnt make love to my dp until about 4 mths after having my ds lots of stitches mind you but was so tired no way would i have been up to it

my dp didnt have a problem with my pregnant body think dp was bit unreasonable there my dp found me more attractive

i did find otherways of pleasuring each other without sex maybe you could create romantic evening and let your imaginations take over without going all the way

Flibbertyjibbet · 18/03/2008 12:14

It took me 4 months with ds1 who was a dream to look after and slept like a log. We had to get back on as I was 42 and wanted to see if we could have another baby! Anyway 16m age gap... ds2 now 18m old and I can probably count the number of times we've had sex since he was born without taking my socks off.
Took us 8 months to do it at all after ds2 was born, I was bf or pregnant for 1 month short of 3 years and I just wanted everyone to GET OFF me.
Still do. Some people will come on this thread and say that you must 'make the effort' for the sake of your dp and your relationship. Well I told dp to go and make some effort by himself in the shower every now and again and he was fine with it. We are best friends and make each other laugh which is as important as sex imo.
I still tell him to get off on a weekend morning if the kids haven't woken up yet, can't see the point in wasting rare lie-in time having sex when I could be having beauty sleep.

Elasticwoman · 18/03/2008 18:15

Yes you probably will want to have sex again at some point. 3 months is very early days.

pinata · 18/03/2008 21:07

phew - i'm not the only one. was just considering posting on exactly this topic. DD is 3 months, too, and to be quite honest i am completely not in the mood. despite the fact she sleeps well and isn't particularly difficult to look after in the day, all i can think of at night is must. sleep. now.

PuppyDogTails · 18/03/2008 21:12

Oh Flibberty, that could have been me talking!

lackaDAISYcal · 18/03/2008 21:16

not unreasonable at all. I didn't manage it until DD was about 4mo old and only then cos DH took advantage of me when i was half asleep . We didn't do it again for another three months after that.

Bfing was sapping all my libido and it was the last thing on my mind when we finally had the bed to ourselves. We've only recently (DD is 9mo) started to get things back on track.

PMSL flibbety at "go and make some effort by himself in the shower"

Willowwisp · 18/03/2008 21:19

Hey Pinacolada

My daughter is 7 months old and were still not at it regularly!

We have 'done the wild thing' on a few occasions, but what with the weight gain and the stretch marks, I just don't feel sexy!!

Hubby is very understanding, BUT he does have a problem with the fact I won't snog him!!! I had really bad morning sickness and the smell of toothpaste/breath turned my stomach and I've still got a problem with it now!!!

You will want to have nooky one day, but it is early days so don't worry about it!

Flibbertyjibbet · 18/03/2008 21:22

I remember when ds1 was 2 weeks old and my stitches were just 'knitting together' (ouch) my so called best friend said that you must of course have sex before your 6 wk check so that if any probs you can tell the doc.
Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh right!

bohemianbint · 18/03/2008 21:22

I tried it about 4 weeks after having DS, hated it, and probably did it about 3 times in the 12 months following. It's absolutely normal, I'd say.

Washersaurus · 18/03/2008 21:26

Despite me feeling svelte and sexy, I am just too knackered for sex, as I haven't had a good nights sleep since DS2 was born 7mo ago (he only sleeps for 2/3hour stretches and usually ends up in our bed - boo hiss)

mymatemax · 18/03/2008 21:28

I'm still not in the mood & ds2 is 5yrs old,I think dh has given up asking

expatinscotland · 18/03/2008 21:28

tell him to go have a wank.

didn't fancy your pregnant body but wants a screw right after the kid's born?

he can go and spank it.

bohemianbint · 18/03/2008 21:31

Ah, re-read OP after expat's posts. Concur with ExP.

Washersaurus · 18/03/2008 21:34

Oh come on girls, surely it IS permissable for a man to feel a bit strange about having sex with the baby there etc?

(My DH loved my pregnant body btw, which is good because I was very horny )

expatinscotland · 18/03/2008 21:36

Um, then why get her pregnant? I mean, how fecking immature can you get.

Don't fancy your partner's 'pregnant body' but the badger her for a screw ever since it's born?

VoluptuaGoodshag · 18/03/2008 21:36

Blimey, DS is 3 and I'm still not in the mood

lackaDAISYcal · 18/03/2008 22:31

pinacolada, get him to look after the DCs for a whole day at the weekend so you can pamper yourself, relax and maybe feel a bit more like your old self again.......then ask him how he feels after looking after the DCs all day! It might get your point across!

kind of agreeing with expat though, but too meek to be so direct

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