My DS has had a very close friendship with another boy since they were 5. They are now 12.
Throughout their friendship, I have always found it really unsettling how much this friend has hated all sorts of other kids. And I do mean full on, vitriolic hatred for other children who in my opinion are just regular, nice kids, who have nothing about them to hate.
Over the years, DS has said to me "Friend was fuming and ranting today about how much he hates x, y, z, and he won't stop going on about it! I don't like it when he gets really angry about others because I actually like those people and his anger makes me feel nervous plus the people he hates have done nothing wrong". DS has raised this with me regularly throughout the past 6 school years. I've often found this child's behaviour incredibly negative and obsessive, and I've witnessed him over the years obsess about other children in an extremely negative way. This child has, over the years, spent A LOT of time venting his hatred of other kids at school at my DS, which has really got DS down a lot and ruined countless breaktimes at school spent with his friend ranting hatefully about others. When DS has told me about the latest child that his friend hates, it turns out that they've made some innocuous remark, or completely inadvertently did something without realising how angry it would make this friend, and BANG cue months of literally obsessive hatred and ranting about that child, with my DS being on the recieving end of constantly listening to it all. I have found this to be really strange and odd behaviour, unsettling even, coming from a primary age child. Because of this, I've asked DS over the years what he gets out of their friendship and have told him that it's ok to hang out with other friends when this close friend is trapped in his negative cycle of hatred towards others.
How can a primary school aged kid hate so many people so much??
Every time my DS tried to play with other friends in the playground at primary, his friend would start shouting at him really angrily telling him to stop playing with them a d would cry to his mother after school that my DS had excluded him by leaving him out, when all my DS was doing was simply playing with other friends, which I was strongly encouraging him to do. But for some reason that I could never work out, my DS always, always gave in to this friend and priorities his demands over other friendships. DS and I had lots of talks about what makes a good friend, unreasonable demands, friendship boundaries, healthy friendships, unhealthy friendships.
TBH I have found their friendship stressful and hard work for years, and my hope was that when they went to year 7 at a new school their friendship would dilute and my DS would get to hang out more with others.
Cue year 7, and now this friend has 100% turned against my DS, apparently my DS said something that made this boy angry and he's hated my DS ever since. But instead of avoiding or ignoring my DS, he's being hateful and vile towards him every single day at school, saying a lot of nasty, spiteful, personal things, mocking him, shouting at him and he's now physically hit him really hard which winded my DS at school.
I am incandescent that my DS has spent 6 years showing nothing but loyalty towards this boy, prioritising him over other friends, and spending years listening to him vent his spleen about other kids, only to now be on the receiving end of it. The behaviour is so bad that I think its bullying.
I should be happy that their friendship is over, but the problem is my DS feels crushed by this, he's been feeling hurt and upset for 2 terms now, keeps on saying he's lost his best friend, and that he doesn't understand what he's done wrong to deserve for his friend to suddenly hate him so much that he's making my DS's life at school a misery.
I've reported all this to the school who have shown no support or understanding whatsoever. I've discussed it with his form tutor, the head of year, the Headteacher and pastoral staff, none of whom have offered any support whatsoever.
I'm at a loss as to how to help my DS in his upset over this.
DS has other friends, some of whom actively seek him out at school and out of school and who really want to spend time with him, but DS is still very upset about his close friend turning on him like this.
Not sure if it's relevant or not, but I'm certain this friend has ASD. He also definitely has OCD, quite severely.
His mother seems completely and utterly clueless about his negative behaviour towards others and perpetually thinks ors everyone else's fault for upsetting her DS.
Does anyone have any advice?
Can OCD or ASD present as intense, hateful anger towards others, even friends?