The desire to be important

[TFrth]

I'm currently reading a self improvement book. One of the insights quoted is that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature. The gist is that this desire drives a lot of what we observe in daily live - why top execs continue working even when they have millions - why people feel down when they have no work or purpose - why people do attention seeking things. It got me thinking and I realised that nearly all situations I've encountered in life come back to this desire ultimately (with exception of parenting/caring for loved ones probably).

What do you think? Most actions are driven by the desire to be important. Is this a reasonable or unreasonable statement, and why?

I would think of it as a desire to be significant, not important. People like to know that they'd be noticed if they were missing.

l have no drive to be important in any work place. Jostling with a load of presenteeism turds.

No thanks

I think for many (certainly for me), it's less a desire to be important and more a desire to have purpose, meaning. I think it's a critical part of human nature that must go back to the very early days of human existence. When cave people lived in tribes. If you weren't useful for hunting, feeding, mating, maintaining, then you would be a burden to the tribe and would probably have been dumped.

This. An important distinction, I think.

Of course some will find significance in being important.

I'd substitute desire to be important, which has negative connotations with a desire for exceptionalism, with a desire to matter. I think human beings need to feel their lives have meaning and a key way to feel that is to know that what you do, say, your presence, has impact, even at a small level. Otherwise people question what is the point of me?

What do you think? Most actions are driven by the desire to be important. Is this a reasonable or unreasonable statement, and why?

Are you a student hoping someone will help you write your coursework essay or something?!

It applies to parenting and caring too - the desire to be important to someone, or a specific someone, and the reinforcement that being important to someone gives - is often a large part of what keeps people doing their best for their kids / family members. That’s not to say that love isn’t involved, just that love alone doesn’t necessarily cover the whole spectrum of what’s going on.

LOL not me. And I'm not a big fan of self-important people either.

There is a broad spectrum out there and different people are motivated by different things. For most folks around I world I'm guessing the biggest motivator is literal survival.

I think there’s a lot of differing terminology being used here. Self-importance to me means an overinflated sense of your importance to others, or how important you think you should be to others. I think everyone wants to matter in some way. Just because you don’t have the desire to be a big cheese at work, it doesn’t mean you don’t want recognition in other areas of your life.

I think purpose meaning and belonging are the key things to be honest. I think trying to be important is ego lead stuff.

No, that's not true for me. I haven't worked in 25 years and I've never felt down or felt a lack of purpose. I don't seek out attention or any kind of recognition. I am happy to do what pleases me, with no need for extrinsic motivation.

It's not specifically related to work. It's related to purpose.

As PPs have said, I think the idea that you have purpose and are seen/heard by others is key to enjoying life for most people, but I suspect this author genuinely does think status and importance is something everyone wants, and cannot imagine this not being the case.

But you're the one reading the book. As the author discusses this key concept, is it purpose, or is it importance? As lots have said here, I also don't want to be 'important'. I want to love and be loved, to develop new understanding of the world, to learn how to be better and kinder to others, to spend time learning about nature and science and culture. I don't think any of those, unless you really stretch definitions, are about a desire to be important.

@DataPestle Book is very clear - it is importance

@ManateeFair 😂No, not a student and not writing a paper LOL 😂Just hit home when reading as it explains a lot about the workplaces I've been in and people I've known through that. Was wondering what others thought.

I’d agree with this. We are all the stars of our own show and most of us struggle to conceive of a world where we simply don’t exist and aren’t missed.

I think the author of the book is conflating a lot of different issues and actions and has surmised that the reason people do these things is a desire to be important. That doesn’t mean they’re correct. Authors of armchair psychology self-improvement books aren’t generally renowned for their rigorous background research and data analysis.

😂Fair enough.

My own view is that 'the desire to important' certainly drives some people, but I don't think it's universal. For every person who seeks attention, carries on working when they don't need to, feels down when they have no 'purpose' etc, I think there's another person who feels comfortable just pottering along trying to stay under the radar and having minimal responsibility.

I assume people want status more than anything.

I think it depends on your definition of important.

When describing a person as important does it mean high ranking in status, someone worth listening to or just someone with value to others?

Like my mum is an important person to me and I’d like to think that I’m important to others.

@TFrth are you reading The courage to be disliked by any chance?

Oh, i think it is definitely the case for some people. You can see the desperation to be important from a mile off.

I think purpose is for yourself, whereas, importance i think, is how others view you.

So i think purpose is quite different and comes in many different forms. It's good to do anything that makes you feel happy and content in life. Purpose is not a bad thing.

Also, feeling valued and loved is a key part of life, again i think thats different to my interpretation of important.

Is it actually a desire to be valuable?

And that what we think gives us value differs from person to person, depending on our character and life experiences.

So the executive who wants a big job title thinks that external status is what makes a person valuable; the person who has no work boundaries thinks that being the hero who gets projects done is what makes a person valuable; the person gets pleasure from learning thinks that being knowledgeable makes a person valuable; and the very luckiest people of all have no doubts about their intrinsic value and are happy pottering about

This makes sense from an evolutionary point of view, where a drive to make ourselves valuable increases the chance of others helping us when we need it.

Yes actually @tiggergoesbounce - valued rather than valuable

This sounds spot on to me!