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AIBU?

Am I being overly sensitive by feeling disappointed

13 replies

UncertainDIL · 09/01/2024 23:40

TBH I openly admit as I am nearly 7 months pregnant my emotions are heightened and I possibly have taken this to heart. My DH told me that his sister and her family are flying home and staying with their parents for a holiday for 10 days the week my 3rd child is due. Due to complications this baby will be a planned c-section. We had already asked his parents to stay with us and mind our other two children the day I’m in hospital and possibly the day after. They agreed. They live a 2 hr drive away. MIL now says our children can go to their house two hours away because their cousins will also be there. I don’t want my children leaving, it’s a big thing welcoming a new sibling to the family and I just feel they should be at home. I want them at home. When my first born was due and born my DH parents, sister and her family went away on holiday abroad. They have had around five family holidays together - our family has never been invited. We’ve asked his parents a few times to plan a holiday with us but their reaction is oh yea and the topic of conversation is changed. My DH doesn’t have a close relationship with his sister. Both went to boarding school as children and then lived in different countries. I have encouraged him to develop a relationship with her to no avail. I’m very close to my siblings and I suppose I just always feel our family is sidelined with his family. This is just one example (which I admit is minor) of a series of historic incidents, some very serious, whereby we are made feel left out or less loved. I suppose I feel just give us one week where it’s about our family not about the sister coming to visit. They also saw each other at Christmas.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

68 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
43%
You are NOT being unreasonable
57%
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 09/01/2024 23:42

Just leave them to it and get one of your family to come and stay. You can't change their feelings so you need to emotionally detach as much as possible so it doesn't hurt you so much.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/01/2024 00:50

I guess it depends on what you actually want. I'd be happy to send my DC to stay with family for a week while I recovered from c-section and bonded with my new baby.

But it sounds like that's not what you wanted. It also sounds like you're not that close to DHs family, so just make alternative arrangements with someone from your own family or a friend to look after your children in your own home.

DustyLee123 · 10/01/2024 06:42

If you want the kids at home I think you need to make alternative arrangements.

Snowfalling · 10/01/2024 06:58

DustyLee123 · 10/01/2024 06:42

If you want the kids at home I think you need to make alternative arrangements.

This, basically. You can't change them, yanbu to be upset though. They sound a bit enmeshed with the sister, like she's the golden child.

Needtogrowsproutsfordecember · 10/01/2024 07:03

Let me guess a sil who expects her dc to take priority with ils every time? Step back op. Make other arrangements for your dc.

WandaWonder · 10/01/2024 07:08

It is really nothing to do with you, sure the way they personally treat you is but their relationship with each other is not your business

You need to make your own arrangements for the children you have

Greycottage · 10/01/2024 07:10

No you aren’t being sensitive OP, this is crap. They offered to come and stay while you give birth, and now they’ve gone back on that promise. This combined with going on holiday when your first was due….

There is a common denominator here. It’s DHs sister. I am guessing you could have ten children and she’d find a way to divert your in-laws plans and attention around the due date every time.

Don’t play the game. Find one of your family members or friends to look after DC at home while your in hospital (or even someone for them to stay with more locally). You want that moment when you come home from hospital and siblings meet the baby. Prioritise your feelings here, or you’ll always regret it.

tokesqueen · 10/01/2024 07:10

SIL and her DC will always be prioritised.
IME.

Greycottage · 10/01/2024 07:13

You need to make your own arrangements for the children you have

What an unhelpful and pointless comment. OP had made her own arrangements. That’s the point of the thread.

DeeIee · 10/01/2024 08:23

I'd be fine with my children going there for a few days instead, I'd be happy they were sorted one way or another. They'll love the time with their cousins.

UncertainDIL · 10/01/2024 20:26

I did make arrangements for my children and they broke them and it does have something to do with me when it affects me and my family.

OP posts:
montysorry · 10/01/2024 20:30

I’m unsure if your own parents are still around. If so, can they help? You talk about your siblings. Can any of them come and stay even for a few days?

YANBU. My ILS have always been crap too.

Kittylala · 10/01/2024 20:32

I would simply as ask if they are still planning to honour the agreement and if not, to let you know ASAP so you can make alternative arrangements. As simple as that. Ballnisnin their court and forces them to admit their fault and also gives them opportunity to do the right thing.

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