Toxic colleague - what's her deal? Mean girl? Drama queen? Anxious?

[ElfIsDead]

I like to think of myself as quite good at sussing out why people act a certain way , generally giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming they're trying their best.

This one though I can't figure out her personality at all, or her motives etc.

We're in a big, open-ish plan office. But I sit close enough to hear most/all of her daily interactions.

Always quick to insult others. Very much also always quick to say how much she does for everyone. Very not shy of telling anyone and everyone her business but makes it painfully obvious to people from whom she can get/needs nothing from that she doesn't really care about their problems.

On the days she has patience for me I can feel like she'd have my back if I committed murder. On other days she can make me feel like I might as well quit my job.

But - that aside. There's something she does that I cannot figure out what benefit it serves.

It seems small but it's so frequent that it's puzzling me.

It's hard to explain.

She makes any small thing she can a drama. But not in the obvious sense.

Like if someone has forgotten to add a word on a sample press release she has a way of delivering that news in a way that makes it sound like it's on the front page of a magazine even though it's a 2 second fix in our line of work.

If someone mentioned they had no choice but to park in a customer parking spot she'll say how they absolutely can't do that and need to move. Only for that person to go and apologise to the manager who is totally non-fussed and it's a non-issue.

If anyone asks to borrow something it's an instant no. Then with an explanation of how scarce that item is.

These things often have to be backtracked on as they're never as dramatic as she makes them seem. (Plus I might be a little guilty now of over compensating for the lending thing as why be so bloody possessive of company paper clips?!)

We have plenty of drama in our office and in our individual lives (her actually more than many to be fair) so I can't figure out where the need for this small scale over-dramatisation comes from.

Any clues?

She’s a pain in the arse. Some people are.

Yep. Lead character in the movie of her life. Let her get on with it.

"Lead character in the movie of her life."

Haha I like this. Sums her up quite well actually.

Are we playing Psychology? OK 🤗

Terrified of loss (even paperclips) and of failure, cannot bear the slightest thought of anything going wrong for her. Needs to believe herself indispensable, the place would fall apart if she didn't keep a close eye on things. Sees everyone else as competition, alternates between flattering and belittling 'competitors' as she has no concrete strategy for advancement.

Could come from either insecurity - maladaptive compensation - or having grown up with too much validation & not enough boundaries. Doesn't matter. Has a lot of drama in her life because her weak/aggressive cycles confuse others and drive them away (or to a breakdown, if they're daft enough to keep trying to make her happy). Is incapable of understanding other people's emotions but thinks she's empathetic because she's affected by them - she's upset if people don't seem to be appreciating her enough.

If she actually veers over into 'insane' behaviour she might have something like EUPD but most characters like this aren't pathological, just very self-involved.

Name the movie she stars in!

Sounds like she wants to be seen to save the day in any situation. So x has happened, look boss unsolved x. Me, myself and I alone.
She’s highlighting everyone’s shortcomings so the boss can hear.
When the boss isn’t around she sucks up to the staff.

Ah @2024GarlicCloves you're amazing.

Can you please spend a week with me and do this for everyone I know (including me!)

Sorry that’s meant to say “look at me I solved X”!

😂 Thank you! No, but you gave a really good description!

How competent is she? Really? I’ve worked with many people like this and all the carry on and self-importance seems to be part of a distraction technique so others don’t clock they’re not very good at their job.

She sounds painful, OP. I’d say keep your distance. I work with someone who sounds almost identical whose behaviour has tipped into offences that are grounds for immediate dismissal. Yet she’s a professional victim and refuses to believe she’s ever in the wrong, even when it’s blatantly obvious.

Her histrionics, endless doubling down and arrogance has me completely baffled and wondering if a. I’m being punked or b. She’s going for the Guinness Book of Records World’s Most Painful Employee record.

I work with one of these people. We call him a twat.

She just wants to be top dog .

These office dramas make me so happy I wfh…

Theres a name for people like this.

Cunts.

Steer clear of said cunt and have next to nothing to do with her for your own sanity.