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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Struggling so badly

5 replies

Hurryupsummer1 · 09/01/2024 21:37

trigger warning I was SA abused as a young teenager by a family member and I'm currently going to therapy to try and process it better. It was a very long time ago and it wasn't a recurring thing so I think I pushed things down and just ignored it all. It brought on disordered eating when this happened as I think I was looking for something to control and have struggled with a lack of self esteem all of my adult life. I'm no longer using food as a coping mechanism, haven't done for quite a while I really thought I felt ok for a few years but last year I cut out a family member as I felt they were continuing to treat me unfairly by putting me in a position where I would potentially be in situations with the person who carried out the SA. I started counselling soon after this, with a brief break and then started with a new counsellor as I felt I maybe hadn't dealt with it properly.

The unexpected thing is that dealing with this in counselling has made me feel worse than I've ever felt in my adult life. My anxiety is through the roof and I keep trying to run away from my 8 year relationship (and then regretting it). I feel resentment towards nearly all of my family as I feel that no-one has ever really stood up for me, but I know it was hard for them too. Has anyone else experienced this? I thought counselling would help but things just seem to be spiralling downwards 😓i just want to be happy but it feels so impossible right now.

OP posts:
parietal · 09/01/2024 21:50

Sorry you are struggling and I hope that others bring more advice soon. do post on relationships if you don't get support here.

Spirallingdownwards · 09/01/2024 21:55

I felt the same in similar circumstances
The constant rehashing and going over it in later therapy was not helpful for me. I made peace with it wasn't my fault and stopped going. Also yes the realisation that family who should have protected me and believed me but didn't brought up feelings that had been suppressed and may have been better off staying so, but they still remain.

Do what you feel is best for you and take care.

Hurryupsummer1 · 09/01/2024 22:24

@Spirallingdownwards thanks, helpful to hear this as I feel everyone really pushes counselling to talk about it and not sure it is really helpful now, feels like it is triggering me all over. Sorry you've been in a similar situation and I hope you're in a good place

OP posts:
reflecting2023 · 09/01/2024 22:37

I think if your therapist isn't trauma trained it can re traumatise you or just heighten anxiety and physiological arousal ( fast heart rate high anxiety/ panic/ chest pain/ disturbed sleep/ palpitations)
Trauma base cbt or emdr is best. Until that, I was told it's best not to talk about it if it causes distress

Spirallingdownwards · 10/01/2024 11:37

Hurryupsummer1 · 09/01/2024 22:24

@Spirallingdownwards thanks, helpful to hear this as I feel everyone really pushes counselling to talk about it and not sure it is really helpful now, feels like it is triggering me all over. Sorry you've been in a similar situation and I hope you're in a good place

Yes I am now. And I hope you can find your peace too.

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