trigger warning I was SA abused as a young teenager by a family member and I'm currently going to therapy to try and process it better. It was a very long time ago and it wasn't a recurring thing so I think I pushed things down and just ignored it all. It brought on disordered eating when this happened as I think I was looking for something to control and have struggled with a lack of self esteem all of my adult life. I'm no longer using food as a coping mechanism, haven't done for quite a while I really thought I felt ok for a few years but last year I cut out a family member as I felt they were continuing to treat me unfairly by putting me in a position where I would potentially be in situations with the person who carried out the SA. I started counselling soon after this, with a brief break and then started with a new counsellor as I felt I maybe hadn't dealt with it properly.
The unexpected thing is that dealing with this in counselling has made me feel worse than I've ever felt in my adult life. My anxiety is through the roof and I keep trying to run away from my 8 year relationship (and then regretting it). I feel resentment towards nearly all of my family as I feel that no-one has ever really stood up for me, but I know it was hard for them too. Has anyone else experienced this? I thought counselling would help but things just seem to be spiralling downwards 😓i just want to be happy but it feels so impossible right now.