Birthday get together with my family minus DH

[harveyluna789]

I have a big birthday coming up and would love to get together with family my parents siblings and nieces and nephews. My DD works at weekends and my son and nieces and nephew do lots of activities on saturdays and sundays so trying to find a date is a nightmare. I have found ONE date all year that most people can do (except my husband!) - and he is refusing to change his plans. He has suggested I go ahead without him but I would quite like him to be there. AIBU to expect him to change his plans or let him carry on with his plans regardless? I see my family a couple of times a year and very rarely altogether so this is something I would really really love to do. Although now I wish I hadn't even bothered as it has ending up causing so many problems. The more I think about it I see my DH daily but never my family. He does not mind missing out because he would rather do the other thing he has planned.

Disappointing but think this is what you'll have to do.

FWIW, I do think he should have prioritised you over football so sorry that's not the case.

Have you missed that he’s at football every weekend leaving only a handful days for OP work with?

No. At that point, OP hadn't mentioned she was looking for a lunchtime activity rather than an evening.
But the point remains that she has ruled out Sundays due to her ds and nephew's activities but not accepted that her dh's plans on Saturdays are presumably just as important.

I know it's a nightmare trying to get everyone together once the dc are adults and have commitments. We have 2 shift workers within our wider family (whose shifts aren't in line with each other) so we've just taken the view that we try and get together a bit more often and try to make sure it isn't always the same person that misses out. If there is something really big (like a wedding) then plan the date a long way out.

Of course he should just prioritise you. It’s a good birthday and he goes to the football all the time. But he hasn’t so I would go ahead and enjoy celebrating with your family. I really hope he steps up and does organise something nice for your actual birthday.

I would be disappointed that he wasn't willing to miss one football match in a year for my big birthday, especially given how hard it has been to get everybody's schedules in synch. YANBU.

Being presumptuous here, but I’m assuming that he may be more amenable to skipping a home game rather that a game he’s had to arrange with his friend to go away to see?

Just do it anyway.

Not really. It's her family. Unless he really likes them then whatever he is doing that he prefers he can do it. Depends how much he wants to offend OP's family, I suppose. Find another date, or forget it, I think. We do Christmas every year with DH's family (so 16 to 20 including some small children). Every year he moans that he does not want to go as he hates having to fit someone else's schedule. I say I prefer not having to cook so he complies (it means I drink no alcohol, which is my sacrifice), but not everyone likes large family gatherings.